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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »comedy«
There’s No Such Thing as a Stupid Question, Except ‘What’s a Question?’
When you grow older some truisms and sayings seem to crumble under scrutiny. I remember teachers always saying, “There’s no such thing as a stupid question.” Of course as an adult I’ve realized not only is there such thing as a stupid question, but in reality most questions turn out to be stupid. I now […]
Dear Good Greatsby: Babysitter or Baby Sicker
August 8, 2012
Today’s question comes from Heather at Beaches & Peaches. Heather: I have a baby, and yesterday the babysitter for this baby showed up very sick. How do you deal with this situation? I pretended to walk a block and then came back in the apartment and told her I’d acted too soon, and actually wasn’t […]
No Gay Foxes in the Chick-fil-A Henhouse
August 6, 2012
In the latest pretend controversy, sources tell me there aren’t any gay foxes allowed in the Chick-fil-A henhouse. I don’t have all the details because I try not to read the news and only overheard bits and pieces of the story from a neighboring restaurant table, but apparently the CEO of Chick-fil-A said something like […]
The Eligibile Bachelor Gods Giveth and They Taketh Away
July 30, 2012
Some people like to recite an affirmation as they look at themselves in the mirror each morning. Mrs. Greatsby likes to motivate herself by reading from a Post-It note pinned to the mirror listing the world’s most eligible bachelors. I don’t mind because I know whenever George Clooney is on the list she’ll do something […]
Invite Me to Your Yachting Party
July 25, 2012
About once a year I’ll be out with friends at dinner and I’ll take a look around the table and realize: Paul, you could do a lot better than this crowd. But who is this better crowd? Where do they hang out? What kind of dinner jackets are they wearing this season so I can […]
Welcome to Hogwarts!
July 18, 2012
My eleven-year-old Optimist Prime is a huge Harry Potter fan, having finished the series for the fifth time just last week. If you’re familiar with the series, you know that eleven is the age Harry received a letter informing him he wasn’t an ordinary human (muggle) but was a wizard who had been accepted to […]
Make Your Own Summer Camp
July 16, 2012
My wife is traveling for a couple weeks and I’m searching for ideas to occupy the kids that don’t violate my wife’s list of forbidden activities: TV Video games Crime We wanted to send them to a summer camp but decided against it when we learned they cost money, and I’ve resorted to finding alternative […]
Summer Break is Breaking My Spirit
July 10, 2012
Well, we’re a month into the kids’ summer vacation and that means I’ve started 30 straight mornings asking the mirror why kids get a summer vacation. Why do kids get time off? They’re just going to forget half the stuff they learned during the previous year. They’ll waste at least a month of the new […]
Even More Indifferent State Tourism Slogans
July 4, 2012
Last year in celebration of America’s Independence Day I did two posts on indifferent state slogans but only covered two-thirds of the states. I now present a comprehensive list of all fifty: Alabama: Now with universal phone access in 41 of 67 counties. Alaska: Not the birthplace of Sarah Palin. Arizona: 47 days without a […]
Give Him 2.54 Centimeters and He’ll Take 1.6 Kilometers
July 2, 2012
I’ve spent the majority of my adult life living abroad in Germany and China. When you study foreign language you learn how to speak in the simplest manner possible and avoid the use of idiomatic expressions that obviously wouldn’t exist in another language. When business has required me to translate meetings in German or Chinese, […]
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