
April Fools Day!
The one day of the year set aside for pranks and practical jokes.
The one day of the year I set aside to remind myself never to play a practical joke again.
I used to come up with the best ideas for practical jokes. I’d work so hard to develop an elaborate hoax, but the targets of my jokes never thought they were funny and didn’t appreciate all the hard work I put into planning such elaborate schemes. Even if they didn’t find the jokes funny, they should be flattered that I chose them worthy of so much work. Common courtesy would assume I’d get an occasional thanks or a nice card, but I’m still waiting.
It wouldn’t bother me if the targets of my jokes didn’t immediately find the jokes funny.
Sometimes it takes a moment to get over the shock of being tricked, and you need a few minutes to see the humor.
And sometimes you need a few years to see the humor.
And in the case of my friends, I’m not sure the exact amount of time required because none of them are talking to me anymore.
The most consistent criticism leveled against my jokes is that they ‘go too far’. Of course this is purely subjective, and neither the judiciary nor the Bible provide any practical joke benchmark for ‘going too far.’ If someone plays a joke on me, custom dictates I should respond with a bigger and better joke, an escalation if you will. The definition of whether my joke is 10% meaner than your joke or 50% meaner, is purely open for interpretation. For example:
Todd fills my dog’s mouth with whipping cream. (He started with the first joke and has to be expecting me to come up with something that tops him.)
I put a fish in the heating vents of his car. (Escalation estimate 10-20%)
Todd responds by letting the air out of my tires. (Escalation estimate 15-20%)
I trick him into believing his wife was killed in a car accident. (My escalation estimate 15-20%; Todd’s escalation estimate 100%)
I’ve been told each of the following jokes were taking things ‘too far’, but I just don’t see it:
“Get to the hospital! A matching kidney will be there in 15 minutes!”
Tim was sitting in a wheelchair on the hospital curb when a fake delivery guy raced up and set the Styrofoam kidney cooler on the sidewalk.
“Are you Tim Armstrong? Looks like this is your lucky day,” he said while Tim wiped a tear from his eye.
Right then I drove up onto the curb and ran over the cooler. You should have seen the look on Tim’s face when I jumped out of the car carrying a bunch of balloons and flowers while he stared in shock at the crushed cooler beneath my car.
We all laughed and laughed…except for Tim. I think it took him awhile to understand that it wasn’t a real kidney I ran over.
“My heart pills taste funny…”
Replacing heart disease medication with candy is not funny. Apparently heart disease is more serious than it sounds. In my defense, I am not a doctor, and when Mom said Dad had a bad heart I assumed she meant figuratively.
When Dad ultimately did have a heart attack, I couldn’t help but feel partly responsible.
“Your wife and I are having an affair!”
I volunteered to babysit Todd’s kids and took the opportunity to leave love notes from a Fernando all over the house and sprayed Donna’s clothes with cheap cologne.
It was funny when Todd came into work pale and disheveled.
Still funny when Todd hired a private investigator to tail Donna.
Not funny when Todd stabbed the Fernando from Diego’s Deli.
Is it just me, or do my friends seem really ungrateful for all the work I put in to try and make them laugh?
Lenore Diane
April 1, 2011
After laughing hysterically, why do I feel the need to go to confession? I’m not even Catholic. Maybe it’s because I am reminded of the time I switched my Dad’s toupee stick paste with gorilla glue. I thought he’d appreciate his new found ability to ride in a convertible with the top down. Of course, we didn’t own a convertible. For the record, Gorilla glue lasts and lasts – my Dad was buried in his toupee.
fnkybee
April 1, 2011
Bwah hahahahaha! I laughed and at the same time with the “that is so wrong..chuckle chuckle”. 😉 Those were great! I just don’t get how your friends would think that you took the jokes to far??
The Good Greatsby
April 2, 2011
I just can’t seem to find friends who appreciate my creativity.
ajg
April 1, 2011
Do you remember last year when I got you to believe my favorite Canterbury Tale was the Nun’s Priest’s Tale and it’s really the Wife of Bath’s Tale?? What… a… larf!
The Good Greatsby
April 2, 2011
Remember when we were at best friend trivia and I named Nun’s Priest Tale as your favorite Canterbury Tale and everybody laughed at me?
carldagostino
April 2, 2011
my favorite one was Hamlet
Renee Davies
April 1, 2011
I’m with you on this. I mean, even when I jump in on a really good wrastle, people always end up crying.
Calhoun
April 1, 2011
My personal favorite is when I got a friend a hooker and tricked him into thinking he killed her, but then he ACTUALLY kills her and then we’re both in trouble.
… I may be confusing my life with the movie Very Bad Things again.
The Good Greatsby
April 2, 2011
I’ve been in your same situation. You convince someone they’ve committed a murder and they bury the body before you have a chance to explain it was only a joke.
Calhoun
April 2, 2011
But I can’t help but feel like the joke is on me because then I hafta suffer through bad slasher movies like Sorority Row
Amy
April 1, 2011
Sounds like your friends are just jealous that they didn’t think of such awesome pranks first. You just gotta tell them “don’t hate the playa, hate the game, bitches.”
The Good Greatsby
April 2, 2011
I don’t get it. Why aren’t they flattered that I would consider them worthy of an elaborate trick?
MattJ
April 1, 2011
Practical jokes that go too far;
When I was 12 and my sister was 10, I recorded 40 minutes of silence on a tape recorder and then started screaming like a banshee the last five minutes. I rewound it, hit play and stuck it under her bed just before she went to sleep.
No one seemed to appreciate the effort or imagination that went into that at the time, but give it 20 or so years for the emotional scars to heal and they’ll begin to recognize your comedic talents.
Still no card though…
The Good Greatsby
April 2, 2011
I’m on your side. Parents only want to take the side of the victim child without any encouragement of the child who was creative enough to make problems.
lynnbiederstadt
April 1, 2011
Lynn steers clear of Paul for the next several weeks, fear of pranking…. 😉
Modesty Press
April 1, 2011
Once upon a time, somebody whose initials were J & C or something like that, said wouldn’t it be funny if I pretended to be hanging up on a couple of wooden stakes hanging crosswise and then pretended to expire, but didn’t really and when I got up from my tomb and said guess what I was just kidding, here I am
Boy wasn’t that a good joke! I can’t imagine how it go so out of hand that people are still putting up buildings with my name on it two thousand years later! And what is this december 25 business? Don’t they know it all happened on April one? Amazing how stories get all twisted around and how time flies when we’re having fun.
Renee Davies
April 2, 2011
I know, right?! You’d think that Roman dude, Pilates or other, would have just not taken the prank too seriously and killed the guy. And that Tacitus dude, talk about a dubious Roman historian. It’s all fun and games until somebody gets hurt.
Lori
April 1, 2011
God, I’m feeling a little unworthy right now because I’ve never made someone cry with one of my jokes/pranks…..Gotta go…just added two more things to my list 1. Buy more Depends 2. Buy Thank you card for Paul
Laura
April 2, 2011
Did Tim at least offer to reimburse you for the cooler?
The Good Greatsby
April 2, 2011
No, he didn’t. I’m sure his insurance would have covered it, but he never filled out the forms.
Bearman
April 2, 2011
I am wondering why Todd is still your friend.
beawesomer
April 2, 2011
I’m with Bearman.
I’ve dated/booty called/written posts about Todds before. They just don’t have the same sense of “ha ha” as the rest of us, it’s like their brains are wired differently.
I guess you could say they’re odd. (Only with a T.)
shreejacob
April 2, 2011
I’m so glad I’m not Todd, Tim and Donna. As for your dad, I don’t think the candy killed him, probably those little lard balls you tricked him with the year after that? 😉
spilledinkguy
April 2, 2011
No one tries to trick me anymore. It’s just not any fun for them (as I am gullible enough to believe ANYTHING). Guess Ashton Kutcher won’t be showing up on my doorstep. I’m really torn up about that. Honest. 🙂
japecake
April 2, 2011
In my defense, I am not a doctor
This is the best line.
carldagostino
April 2, 2011
You would not believe the things I did to pledges at Pi Kappa Alpha at Florida Southern over 40 years ago. We would all be arrested by today’s standards. I think some of yours are not so funny here because they can really be hurtful. The art is being super funny but not scaring the wits out of some one. Now a funny one would be to chain all the exits and set the house on fire and watch every one screaming inside and show them a bucket of water as you stand outside. It’s really funny when the house really does burn down. See ? Safe and harmless.
Rachael Black
April 2, 2011
Clearly you may need a more cultured group of friends. Perhaps they jut don’t understand the subtle, almost British style which crafts your pranks.
My advice: Move to the UK and use the previous jokes again. I’ll bet that hilarity WILL ensue!
The only real work you’ll have to do is re-calculating the escalation scale into metric.
The Good Greatsby
April 3, 2011
I’m intrigued by your idea. Converting the escalation scale into metric would give me a great cover for going too far.
omawarisan
April 2, 2011
Todd’s math is off. Actually killing his wife would be 100%. You were clearly joking, youre not responsible for his gullibility
The Good Greatsby
April 3, 2011
My thinking exactly. When he found out his wife was alive, he should have been happy? Why was he so upset?
cooper
April 2, 2011
some people are just too damn sensitive…
The Blankety Blank Blogger
April 2, 2011
Hahahahahahaha! Nice! Very Nice:)
Gruff Guano
April 2, 2011
Brilliant. “Apparently heart disease is more serious than it sounds. “
The Good Greatsby
April 3, 2011
I blame the overuse of heart as a metaphor for desensitizing me. You hear people say a sports team ‘lacks heart’ all the time, but none of those players literally die from lacking a heart. It’s very confusing.
ryoko861
April 2, 2011
LMAO!!! OMG, remind me not to ever get on your bad side!
Binky
April 3, 2011
No one appreciates good comedy anymore, especially the victim. I suggest you go looking for a more open-minded set of friends who can understand your
insanitytalents.thoughtsappear
April 4, 2011
Hilarious post! You’ve inspired me to play a practical joke next year. Just not these.
Redneckprincess
April 5, 2011
Where do you live, cause I am kinda hoping I am on the OTHER side of the world somewhere 🙂 Funny shit…
Tooty Nolan
April 5, 2011
Please tell me that you write for television.
The Good Greatsby
April 5, 2011
I’ve always wanted to try writing for television, but I’m too busy trying to think of good practical jokes.
Actually I have worked on a TV pilot before and was asked to re-write it four times, and kind of flaked out when I was asked to incorporate their very vague input for a fifth.
Gruff Guano
April 5, 2011
So you’re the writer of ‘Lost’. How’s the crack habit ?
(just kidding of course)