Saturday Souffle

Posted on August 13, 2011


When my wife and I spoke on the phone this week, I gave her instructions on what times of the day to feed our cat, Megatron.  She wondered why I was telling her how to feed the cat when this had been her job for years; this was the moment my wife and I realized we’ve both been feeding the cat twice a day for years.  Apparently, Megatron has been getting four meals a day, a significantly higher number than the kids have been getting.  Maybe if one of us stopped feeding the cat we’d have time to make our kids a decent breakfast. 


I woke up one morning feeling it was time to get up but the room was still dark so I went back to sleep.  I slept another hour but the room was still dark when I awoke.  I checked the time on my phone and when the display seemed especially dim, I realized I was wearing sunglasses.  I’d been playing cards with some friends and some of us had worn sunglasses to disguise our bluffs, although we weren’t playing poker but rather UNO.  Not sure how I made it to bed without noticing I still had them on.

Regardless of how it happened, sleeping in your sunglasses means you’re cool.  I’ll use this story as evidence when my kids become teenagers and insist I’m not cool.

My wife told me our goldfish, Aunt Dahlia, had died.  Actually she couldn’t confirm she had died, she just knew the bowl was empty when she returned from out of town.  I asked her not to confirm Aunt Dahlia’s death with the woman who cared for our pets because I prefer to believe she didn’t die but is merely traveling.  Without seeing the body I have no emotional closure, and it’s easier to imagine she chose to leave and is getting to see a bit of the world. 

I prefer not to accept Aunt Dahlia’s death so soon after Aunt Agatha’s, especially because a second aunt dying within two months is likely to raise skepticism and won’t be useful as an excuse to get out of social invitations.


My wife told me our seven-year-old, The Fonz, suggested throwing me a surprise party when I returned to Shanghai.  She explained that I wouldn’t want a surprise party because I would be tired and jet-lagged after a day of traveling.  He then asked, “How come nobody ever throws me a surprise party?”  I appreciate his efforts to get somebody to throw him a party and I like to think he read my post How to Manipulate People into Throwing You a Party.

Make sure and vote in this week’s caption contest.  The winner will be announced tomorrow at 6AM EST.


Before history judges Voldemort too harshly, let’s remember we’ve only heard Harry Potter’s side of the story.  The media likes to focus on Voldemort’s murderous rise to power, but rarely mentions his platform for ruling.  If we heard his side of the story, we might learn he had some really good ideas.


Photos courtesy of my friend, Natasha, who played my near identical twin in Twelfth Night even though I’m a foot taller than her.

Posted in: Columns