Obama Reels in Big, Bigger, Biggest Fish

Posted on September 27, 2011

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A new fish story controversy has bit the Obama administration at a time the President is already reeling from low poll numbers before next year’s election.

The scandal started innocently enough when the White House released a photo from Obama’s summer vacation–supposedly an action shot of Obama catching a ‘big’ fish.

Obama returned from vacation eager to recount his inspirational big fish story in a nationally televised address wherein the President claimed his big catch answered the criticism of Republicans who questioned his daily ten-hour routine of Oval Office fly fishing practice.

The big fish story hit the first snag when Obama offered his definition of a big fish.

The size of the fish brought laughter, but the issue may have died there if not for the enthusiastic support of Michelle Obama, who had never been fishing and seemed especially impressed with the size of the catch.

Republicans felt they had to respond to what seemed like bragging by both Barack and Michelle Obama.  Republican Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney insisted he had caught much bigger fish than any Democrat and would continue to catch bigger fish as America’s next president.

Feeling pressure from Republicans over the size of his catch, Obama began retelling the story with bigger and bigger estimates of the fish’s size…

…and bigger…

…and bigger…

…and bigger…

The controversy escalated even further when White House Press Secretary Jay Carney–apparently unaware of Obama’s growing fish tale–gave his own estimate of the fish’s size.

Confronted with evidence of his evolving fish story and his press secretary’s conflicting estimate, Obama was asked if he had any photos of the fish or witnesses to the catch.

The administration finally sent Vice-President Joe Biden to confirm to the nation he had witnessed the President catching the fish, but he misunderstood his instructions and estimated the size of the fish he himself had caught.

When a furious Obama reminded Biden he was supposed to back up Obama’s story, Biden went back out and gave another estimate of Obama’s fish.

The media was still skeptical and questioned Biden’s estimating abilities, asking him to confirm his estimator credibility by estimating his own height.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton didn’t help matters when she told reporters about the huge fish her husband caught when he was President.

After Obama questioned her loyalty, Clinton and Obama appeared on the TV talk show circuit to prove they were united on the acceptable size of fish a President should be catching.

Former President Clinton even helped by appearing with Obama and insisting rumors of the size of his fish had been greatly exaggerated.

But within hours Bill Clinton had reversed course and was in front of reporters making even bigger claims behind Obama’s back.

Michelle disputed Clinton’s version of events, insisting she had been fishing with Clinton and his fish were never very big.

When asked to confirm her estimator credibility by estimating her own height, Michelle experienced trouble similar to Biden’s.

The previous administration entered the fray when former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice appeared before the United Nations and demanded the UN inspect the White House to find any fish the Obama administration might be hiding or the previous administration would be forced to assume Obama was hiding extremely small fish and would be forced to attack.

Rice’s fish accusations against the Obama administration were made despite a mountain of evidence her former boss never once caught a big fish without the help of his dad.

The threat of UN sanctions and military action by the previous Bush administration forced a contrite Obama to give a humble estimate of his fish.

But within days Obama was back making bigger estimates when Russian President Medvedev visited and both men were asked to estimate the size of the fish they had caught over summer vacation.

Obama insisted national security required him to claim a fish larger than Medvedev because America couldn’t show any weakness in front of the Russians or any other country.  This change in foreign policy brought heckles from other world leaders, especially President Elbegdorj of Mongolia who made a fish face in the picture below, which would have been a national embarrassment if not for Obama’s quick thinking.

An exhausted Obama, realizing there’s no way to win a big fish debate in American politics, has decided to give up fishing entirely.

Obama has switched his Oval Office recreation time from fishing to football and his advisers hope football won’t get him in as much trouble, although he did recently insist he threw three touchdowns for the Chicago Bears in last year’s Super Bowl.