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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »humor«
Half-Hearted Valentine’s Day Cards
If I could go back in time 30 years and marry you all over again, I would in an instant… …but let me be clear I mean I’d marry the 25-year-old version of you, back when you could really rock a swimsuit. After 50 Valentine’s Days together, I realize more than ever that mere words […]
Chinglish Shampoo for Nerd Dogs
February 12, 2012
I volunteered at a pet shelter as a teenager and when I bathed the animals, we weren’t fortunate enough to have such fancy shampoos like the one below I found in a local Shanghai pet store. This magic formula seems to promise the dispelling of amorous activity: ‘Aim at the pet skin scraps problem effectively […]
The Fonz Makes Three Fashion Choices in Hopes of Impressing a Girl
February 11, 2012
If you’ve followed each stage of The Fonz’s budding romance with Whatshername, you’ll remember the fateful moment when she complimented his funny clothes, probably without appreciating the impact her remark would have on the over-confidence portion of his brain, the flamboyance of his future outfits, or his parents’ efforts to move up the ladder of […]
Inspiring the Next Generation of Writers: A List of My Demands
February 9, 2012
Last week I received an invitation to speak to a group of local students about writing. Maybe the students were fans of this blog. Or maybe they heard about all the exciting writing projects I have going on. Or maybe my ten-year-old son was in the class and my wife was the school librarian. Regardless […]
First International Mustache Film Festival
February 8, 2012
The first mustache film festival is scheduled to premiere next month in Portland, Maine. The festival aims to celebrate short films featuring mustachioed main characters or mustache storylines. For all aspiring directors hoping to submit a mustache film for consideration, please consider one of the following as a potential name for your movie: Triminator Schindler’s […]
Trump Endorses Romney, May Sway Multimillionaire Blowhard Voting Bloc
February 7, 2012
Donald Trump’s endorsement of Mitt Romney for President really shouldn’t be much of a surprise considering the startling similarities between the two men. Excerpts from Trump’s endorsement: “I actually offered my endorsement to all the candidates but Romney was the only one who would agree to accept the endorsement while standing behind a lectern with […]
Chinglish Pet Care
February 5, 2012
I visited a local pet store on Friday. It’s a good thing pets can’t read because they ‘d probably be alarmed if they saw their owners buying either of the products below: Apparently this Friend Baby product for ‘syrup-black to rid of vermin’ either tastes like insect candy or will taste like candy to insects. […]
Two Pictures of the Boys
February 4, 2012
The Fonz didn’t need any encouragement regarding his fashion choices. We were right to be worried when he came home and told us Whatshername had remarked, “I really like your funny clothes.” That’s all the permission he’ll ever need to wear anything he wants for the rest of his life. This is what he wore […]
Three Cheers for Sports! Sports! Sports!
February 3, 2012
In the distant, post-apocalyptic future, when the children of our Kardash-a-tron humanoid replacements are assigned book reports on the ancient Americans and tasked with explaining our customs, rituals, and celebrations, the very first chapter will be titled: The Super Bowl. I love the Super Bowl and its ability to unite Americans behind a love of […]
Fonz and Whatshername Sitting in a Tree: Part 2
February 2, 2012
Many readers have been on the edge of their seats waiting for an update on my seven-year-old’s love life. When I say ‘many readers,’ I can’t think of any specific examples, but I’m assuming single men willing to try anything, in particular, are curious whether The Fonz’s non-sequiturs and cape-wearing might actually work. (Read the […]
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February 13, 2012
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