There’s an art to managing relationships and confrontation. In the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, author Stephen Covey talks about an emotional bank account requiring us to make deposits with people before we can make withdrawals.
This section of the book has always meant a lot to me because it was the part of the book I randomly opened and read before placing it on my shelf fifteen years ago.
I think of the emotional bank account when I have to be confrontational and make an emotional withdrawal from someone, and that’s why I always start with a positive deposit so the two transactions will balance each other out and hopefully prevent any violence or legal action. Examples:
Breaking up with someone:
“I’ll always remember how beautiful you looked in the moonlight as I handed you this restraining order.”
Asking a friend to return money he borrowed:
“You know what, Todd? You must be the most talented and charismatic cheapskate I’ve ever known.”
Firing someone:
“You’re so personable and easy to get along with. Everyone agrees if we had the budget to keep just one lazy person, it would be you.”
Kicking someone out of clown college:
“You must be the most energetic and dedicated clown to ever start a bouncy castle full of kids on fire.”
Can you believe Google contained no pictures of bouncy castles on fire?
Pushing over pushovers:
“I bet that warm, friendly smile of yours always opens a lot of doors for you, and that’s why I don’t worry about you finding another taxi after I steal this one.”
Giving a bad medical diagnosis:
“I can tell you take care of yourself and are in really great shape. I bet you’ll recuperate in no time after I steal your kidney.”
Note: If the tables are ever turned, my emotional bank account does assess a hefty transaction fee per withdrawal.
The Good Greatsby 
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 6, 2012
This post takes entirely too much energy laughing for so early in the day.
The Good Greatsby
February 6, 2012
Try reading it again in the evening to see if it does a better job of matching your speed.
EllieAnn
February 6, 2012
that fire in the bouncy house picture is intense. LoL.
The Good Greatsby
February 6, 2012
Who would have thought it was possible to make bouncy castles any more exciting?
Spectra
February 6, 2012
These are all good velvet gloves to wear when socking someone in the gut.
The Good Greatsby
February 6, 2012
I’ll think of your figurative velvet gloves the next time I’m giving out a socking.
The Byronic Man
February 6, 2012
I think you should sue Google Images. Either they set a bouncy castle on fire and post pictures of it, or pay up.
The Good Greatsby
February 6, 2012
I’ll have to add up every thing I’ve ever paid Google for its services to see if I have any grounds to demand a refund.
spilledinkguy
February 6, 2012
It’s difficult to pull the whole, walking off sadly with head hung low bit in giant red squeaky shoes…
The Good Greatsby
February 6, 2012
A genuinely sad clown probably has a hard time getting sympathy because clowns already look sad all the time.
susielindau
February 6, 2012
Any post that includes “clown school,” rocks!
What happened to the smoking jacket photo Mr. Greatsby? Did you have to send it out to the cleaners.
The Good Greatsby
February 6, 2012
I’ve been meaning to rotate my photos. I’ll bring the smoking jacket back as soon as I get invited to another party and somebody takes a picture.
Amy
February 6, 2012
My emotional bank account bounces checks all the time.
The Good Greatsby
February 7, 2012
That’s a good strategy for keeping off my list of people this might work on.
becomingcliche
February 6, 2012
If you tell me I’m pretty, you can just HAVE my kidney.
The Good Greatsby
February 7, 2012
I bet you offer your kidney to all the guys.
PCC Advantage
February 7, 2012
Getting rid of a clingy friend:
“You’re such a passionately attentive person, and I hope you can understand why I will be ignoring you for the next 4 months, without explanation, until you realise that I no longer want to be friends with you.”
The Good Greatsby
February 7, 2012
Who wouldn’t prefer to be called ‘passionately attentive’ over ‘smothering’?
Glynis Sylvia
February 7, 2012
Nobody else noticed the missing K in the title?
The Good Greatsby
February 7, 2012
I can’t speak for anybody else but I can say I didn’t notice.
Jackie Cangro
February 7, 2012
This is exactly the technique we were supposed to use when I was in grad school for creative writing – try to tell someone politely that they shouldn’t quit their day job. That was the best creative writing I’d ever done.
The Good Greatsby
February 8, 2012
Instead of telling people “Don’t quit your day job,” I like to say, “Maybe you should get a second day job and a night job.”
Laura
February 7, 2012
I thought you might just be Googling wrong, but my search for “bouncy castle in Hell” didn’t turn up anything interesting either.
The Good Greatsby
February 7, 2012
I wish your search had turned something up because a bouncy castle in Hell would have made the possibility of going there a glass-half-full type of proposition. Yes, you’re in Hell, but I bet heaven doesn’t have a bouncy castle.
She's a Maineiac
February 7, 2012
You are the best blogger I have ever known to promise another blogger a guaranteed Pat’s win only to callously steal the prize away with not so much as a click of the ‘edit’ button.
The Good Greatsby
February 7, 2012
My heart was in the right place at every manipulative step of the way.
Thomas Stazyk
February 7, 2012
Thanks for clarifying the picture. And for correcting this egregious omission on Google’s part.
The Good Greatsby
February 8, 2012
You’ve let me down for the last time Google! Or at least until I need pictures again.
gojulesgo
February 7, 2012
I like to tell my husband his snores are actually kind of adorable…when he’s sleeping on the couch.
The Good Greatsby
February 8, 2012
It’s very soothing to know he’s snoring away downstairs to scare off burglars.
monicastangledweb
February 7, 2012
That’s a fine art you’ve mastered. I’m wondering if you can offer a workshop on the subject, or write a book of your own on how to do it. It’s like being a backhanded messenger. Very shrewd, indeed.
The Good Greatsby
February 8, 2012
I’d love to do a workshop and feel like I’d really made a difference in life by helping people through these awkward situations.
secretlyhardcore
February 7, 2012
Where I’m from, we call these back-handed compliments. Great post.
The Good Greatsby
February 8, 2012
These are pretty similar to backhanded compliments. Check out my explanation of the backhanded compliment in the popular posts section.
Ape No. 1
February 7, 2012
Haha. You might need to update your post. The top hit for “bouncy castle on fire” on google images is now your picture.
The Good Greatsby
February 8, 2012
I’ve already gotten some hits on ‘bouncy castle’ but nothing for ‘bouncy castle on fire.’
Snoring Dog Studio
February 7, 2012
Uh oh. Few deposits being made here. However, few withdrawals as well. I simply avoid transactions with humans – then, there’s no owing, no lending, nuthin’. Well, there is some stealing.
The Good Greatsby
February 8, 2012
It’s much easier to manage an emotional bank account if you avoid all transactions.
the master
February 8, 2012
And interesting hypothesis, but there is the risk of certain accounts being overdrawn. Take for example, Adolf Hitler (because it just wouldn’t be a proper internet discussion without invoking Godwin at some point). There are deposits to be made – his obvious leadership qualities, ability to pull off the toothbrush mustache, and kindness to his dog (up until he ordered cyanide capsules be tested on it, and to be fair he was “inconsolable” when they worked) – but you’d have to bank on the inflation from those deposits since 1939 to balance out the substantial withdrawal.
The Good Greatsby
February 8, 2012
I’ve also used the example of Hitler liking his dog. Even Hitler loved dogs and probably enjoyed sunsets and staring out at the ocean. Those deposits probably confused a lot of people who wouldn’t have predicted he would make such large withdrawals.
libraryscenes
February 8, 2012
Nice ones… I swear these seem akin to something one of the GOP candidates would zing in a 30 second sound bite ~
pattisj
February 8, 2012
Another display of your amazing talent, GG.
loustar02
February 8, 2012
Oh, how I laughed. Just before realising I had made a rather large withdrawal from someone along my road yesterday. However, having read your post, I am sure that a mere smile or occasional “hello” which I had managed to achieve in advance was a more than sufficient deposit.
Elyse
February 11, 2012
When I was facing firing a staff member, I once got to use “You are much too bright and your future is too clearly going in a different direction for you to stay in this dead-end job.” He quit and my record for having never fired anyone stands. My nose has become decidedly bigger over the years.