I visited a local pet store on Friday. It’s a good thing pets can’t read because they ‘d probably be alarmed if they saw their owners buying either of the products below:
Apparently this Friend Baby product for ‘syrup-black to rid of vermin’ either tastes like insect candy or will taste like candy to insects. Either way, if pets could read I don’t think they’d be interested.
I assume the product below is a flea collar, but the instructions for usage could have been clearer:
I doubt any customers reading this would actually follow the English language instructions, but I’ve volunteered at an animal shelter and one of the first things they teach you is to never ‘pet the torque on the neck.’ It’s very basic animal care.
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The Good Greatsby 
Steph...In Motion
February 5, 2012
I thought the instructions were “Pet the tongue on the neck.” I don’t feel too dumb, though, because clearly the puppy on the package thought the same thing.
The Good Greatsby
February 6, 2012
‘Pet the tongue on the neck’ would have been funnier. It’s so blurry, I should have made up something funnier.
Steph...In Motion
February 6, 2012
It’s ok. Don’t get all torqued up about it.
k8edid
February 5, 2012
I also mis-read the English instructions as “pet the tongue on the neck” need new glasses, maybe. Can’t imagine trying to kill those fleas effectively with one’s tongue, but pet lovers are crazy…
The Good Greatsby
February 6, 2012
I’m sure there are some pet lovers who wouldn’t think twice about petting the tongue on the neck if they were told it would help their pet.
Lenore Diane
February 5, 2012
This concerns me. Let me walk in a circle four times before sitting down Then I’ll think about what I’ve seen and read here.
Snoring Dog Studio
February 5, 2012
Actually, I don’t think insect candy would be much worse than what my dogs find to eat outside usually. They have a particular fondness for fresh goose poop. Ugh. I have to go now and check my dogs for torque.
nursemyra
February 8, 2012
Is fresh goose poop abundant in your neighbourhood SDS?
artjen1971
February 5, 2012
I love the “chinglish” on various ebay auctions–they really can romance some of the jewelry they are hawking out of Hong Kong. In their defense, the only chinese I know is “chinglish.” Is that mandarin?
nursemyra
February 8, 2012
No it’s Cantonese
thelifeofjamie
February 5, 2012
Their translation is straight up scary! Is it all that bad?
The Good Greatsby
February 6, 2012
No, bigger companies do a good job. Most of the Chinglish comes from small companies. You actually see less and less every year.
Frank Lee MeiDere
February 6, 2012
I’m kind of curious why the packaging shows two dogs, neither of which is wearing a collar. Maybe there is no collar. Maybe the instructions are literal: you choke the dog to death, and no more fleas.
The Good Greatsby
February 6, 2012
That might just work, but I don’t anticipate customers will want to purchase the whole box once they’ve read the instructions on the back.
becomingcliche
February 6, 2012
I once petted a torque on its neck. I nearly lost a hand.
Kathryn McCullough
February 6, 2012
Love this. We had our dogs living with us in Vietnam and visited a number of Hanoi pet shops–too funny!
The Good Greatsby
February 6, 2012
I assume the English copywriting standards are even lower when your customers are pets.
Curly Carly
February 6, 2012
This one gave me a good belly laugh. It’s baffling to me that the makers of these products can’t find one native English speaker to do a quick proofreading. Maybe the term “proofreading” doesn’t translate.
The Good Greatsby
February 6, 2012
I assume they have someone on staff who’s been hired for English expertise and it would look bad if they consulted a native English speaker.
Binky
February 6, 2012
What kind of vermin does that Friend Baby syrup-black work on? Is it effective on politicians?
The Good Greatsby
February 6, 2012
I assume the effectiveness is universal on any vermin who hate friends or babies.
Laura
February 6, 2012
Maybe you’re supposed to put torque on the flea’s neck. That would probably be effective, but a little labor-intensive.
the master
February 8, 2012
I don’t think something tasting like insects would put off many pets, not if my old dog was anything to go by. Insects formed a fair proportion of his diet, flies and wasps being particular favourites. Watching him do battle with a downed but not out wasp was quite a spectacle – he seemed to regard venom in much the same way as I regard burnt toast and washing up liquid from inadequately washed plates. Then again, there is the chance that he’s a poor example to site, what with the rest of his diet including books, toys, shoes, pebbles, grass, wood, the edges of chairs, and, of course, dog food.
Tony McGurk
February 8, 2012
Hilarious!!! I’m so glad the insect candy can lustricate & also guard against ascarid eel. Nothing worse than an unlustricated dog & those ascarid eels can take down a full sized Doberman. Now I have to go & pet the torques on Dixie’s & Angus’ necks so they don’t get fleas.
pattisj
February 9, 2012
Eel? Really? Should this be used on sushi?
yellowcat
February 10, 2012
HAHAHA! I recently watched a Bones episode with Chingrish assembly instructions. Hilarious.
judithhb
February 11, 2012
i agree with Tony above – nothing worse than an unlustricated dog.