Thieves in Doozy After Boozy Two-zy

Posted on December 5, 2011


A New Mexico diner called the police after three drunken men stole all their toilet paper.  The TP Trio, as I’m sure their prison inmates will soon dub their nefarious gang, emerged from the bathroom carrying a dozen rolls in their arms and were promptly arrested by police in the parking lot.  You know it must be a slow news day or a very small town when the theft of toilet paper makes the news.  My favorite part of the news story is the final line:

“The toilet paper was returned to its rightful owner.”

I can imagine that reunion must have been quite the emotional scene for all parties.

Immediately upon reading this story, the words “Toilet Paper Caper” came to mind, and I wondered if I could come up with some rhyming headlines for that small town newspaper:

Diner Owner Gripe Over Swipe of Means to Wipe

Theft of 2-Ply Leaves Diner Guests High and Not So Dry

Thieves in Doozy After Boozy Two-zy

Local Chums Stick Out Like Sore Thumbs During Theft of Wipes for Bums

Police Take Issue with Theft of Tissue

Local Drunks Disinclined to Share Squares for Behind

Souses Called Louses After Carrying TP to Houses

Diner Guest Stuck on Bowl as Theft of Roll Takes Its Toll

One Too Many Beers Leads to Assault on Clean Rears

Police Sting Ensnares Thieves of Squares for Derrieres

Posted in: Headlines