News reports claim American stores are experiencing a spike in thefts of Tide laundry detergent. Apparently the high retail value of Tide, $10 to $20 a bottle, and the lack of a serial number, make it an attractive target for thieves to steal and resell. I’m pretty sure the story has been blown out of proportion merely because the media recognized the potential for headlines. Here are some of my headline suggestions:
Laundry Thieves Make Clean Getwaway
Cops Promise to Wash City of Detergent Theft Stain
Detectives Criticized for Laundry Suspect Line-up Separating Colors from Whites
Cops Hampered by Lack of Laundry Leads
Stores Fight Rising Tide of Tide Thefts
After Waves of Detergent Losses, Stores Fit to be Tide
Police Hope to Put Ring Around Thief’s Collar
After Ironing Out Evidence, Police May be Permanently Pressed for Answers
Detergent Thefts Leave Stores Hanging Out to Dry
Police Chief Blames Media For Spinning Tide Theft Cycle
The Good Greatsby 
susielindau
March 14, 2012
These are awesome. You outdid yourself! Hahaha!
After apprehending the Tide suspect, they found he was clean.
The Good Greatsby
March 14, 2012
That sounds about right.
davidrothbauer
March 14, 2012
“Cops on look out for crooks who are merely low-down and rotten”
If anyone wants Tide cheap, drop me an email. $5 a bottle!!
The Good Greatsby
March 14, 2012
That’s a dirty way to make a living.
swimminginaseaofcrazy
March 17, 2012
Hey, what’s Tide going for on the street nowadays? I gotz some shirts that need the smellgood, if you know what I mean…ehh? ehh?
She's a Maineiac
March 14, 2012
Nice! Good clean humor.
The Good Greatsby
March 14, 2012
I hoped to create something appropriate for the whole family to enjoy while doing laundry together.
philosophermouseofthehedge
March 14, 2012
Tide thefts are creating soap operas! Someone will have to come clean with the truth. Funny post!
The Good Greatsby
March 14, 2012
We can only for the confession of a dirty conscience.
Lunar Euphoria
March 14, 2012
You are too clever.
Carl D'Agostino
March 14, 2012
They need to clean up their act. Perhaps bring Mr. Clean in on the case. Then they can Pine Sol(ve) the case.
The Good Greatsby
March 14, 2012
Well done. I’m glad you got those other cleaners in on the act.
Tor Constantino, MBA
March 14, 2012
Awesome G2!! Here are a few feeble attempts…
Officers Go Thru the Wringer Trying to “Clothes” Case on Cleaning Thefts
Stores Taken to the Cleaners, Awash in Laundry Soap Losses
Undeterred Detergent Dealers Launder Money From Reselling Tide
The Good Greatsby
March 14, 2012
All great headlines. You absolutely cleaned up.
Hippie Cahier
March 15, 2012
…laundered money….
Most excellent!
little blog of happy
March 14, 2012
Reading your tags, I find it hard to believe that humour, comedy and laundry could ever be Tide together in the same post. I guess you ironed out the difficulties with that.
The Good Greatsby
March 15, 2012
I hope I was successful in pressing out any wrinkles.
Patti Kuche
March 15, 2012
Great spin on turning the Tide with this one!
Audrey
March 15, 2012
Hilarious! You’ve done it again.
gojulesgo
March 15, 2012
I’m not even gonna try here (but if I did, it might be: “Drug Dealers Turn Wash and Fold into Liquid Gold”)! I just keep wondering if the other detergent companies are jealous of all of this Tide publicity?
pegoleg
March 15, 2012
Competitors were heard musing, “Who has the most to Gain by this stunt?” while Tide gave a Cheer at All the free publicity.
Ahmnodt Heare
March 15, 2012
I thought about stealing Tide, but then my permanent record would be stained.
mistyslaws
March 15, 2012
Disgruntled store owners claim inept detectives have gone Softener on crime.
Interim press secretary spins cycle of crimes as not a dryer emergency for cops. (Permanent press to be determined soon).
Detergent thieves discovered to be dirty cops. Commissioner to do clean sweep of department.
J.C.V.
March 15, 2012
Lol
Kathryn McCullough
March 15, 2012
Makes me think of the money laundering my father did. Seriously. Gotta have lots of Tide to clean the big bucks!
susielindau
March 15, 2012
Did you know that you were picked as a Recommended blogger on WP for humor? If you have no idea what I am talking about, go to the W in your left hand corner, click on Read blogs, click on Recommended blogs and then Humor. If you don’t come up right away, click again. Congratulations!!!
http://wordpress.com/#!/read/recommendations/
The Good Greatsby
March 15, 2012
I didn’t know. I guess those cookies my wife baked for WordPress did the trick.
magsx2
March 15, 2012
Hi,
You just have to love those headlines. 😀
J.C.V.
March 15, 2012
I think they steal it because its so expensive, because its the only soap that cleans your clothes without causing an allergic reaction, color fade, odors, shrinkage or bleach spots. Being creative you could say Tide is a monopoly, because it truly is the detergent of choice so the company over prices it.
Chad
March 15, 2012
haha awesome! And here we are complaining about the price of gasoline when we should actually be upset about the price of our detergents. How am I supposed to wash my shirt to go to work to pay for detergent to wash my shirt? Its a never-ending spiral of dirt and grime.
Binky
March 15, 2012
Anyone with clothes that smell like Tide should be arrested!
Kim
March 15, 2012
That crap IS expensive…I’d steal it too, if I didn’t live in fear of someone smelling my freshly washed clothes, knowing that I can’t afford Tide… and calling the cops.
mahervolous
March 15, 2012
Sunlight’s Days Are Rising as the Tide Goes Out…
shana
March 15, 2012
Criminals find no Cheer or Gain in the rising Tide of Thefts.
HoaiPhai
March 16, 2012
Hopefully the cops will be stronger than the dirt who stole the Tide. (oops, that’s Ajax)
spilledinkguy
March 16, 2012
Hand wringing like it’s hand wash only…
Mark Petruska
March 16, 2012
I bet whoever took the Tide is high, and they’re moving on.
mistyslaws
March 16, 2012
Bravo, sir. Bravo!
Mark Petruska
March 16, 2012
Thanks! 🙂
laurenrantnrave
March 16, 2012
I still don’t understand why you would want to resell laundry detergent. Don’t people want clean clothing, themselves?!
Clay Morgan (@ClayMorganPA)
March 16, 2012
Your headlines are spot on. Get it? Spots? Ahhh. In other news, you’re girl Ali is up against Shawshank. I think you have the best write up in the tournament.
swimminginaseaofcrazy
March 17, 2012
I personally think that the Snuggle Bear is behind all this. Your not fooling me with that innocent look Snuggle!