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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »comedy«
The Fonz and Whatshername Plot Thickens
I keep asking my seven-year-old, The Fonz, if he has any new updates on his romance with his Italian classmate, Whatshername. There hadn’t been much to report since my previous Fonz and Whatshername post and I realized maybe that’s because relationships for seven-year-olds don’t go any further than her giving him the nickname ‘Fun Guy’ […]
If She Had Four Eyes, One Should Be On Me
March 26, 2012
Mrs. Greatsby is in the last lap of completing her master’s degree. After three years of hard work and not paying enough attention to me, she’s only a month a way from completing her thesis and fulfilling my dream of her paying more attention to me. I was pretty satisfied with the amount of attention […]
Chinglish Friendship
March 25, 2012
I spotted this jewelry box and thought it might make a good parting gift to a friend you wanted to cut loose: The implied finality of the statement makes it a perfect parting gift. ‘I wish our friendship could last for ever,’ but it can’t, so enjoy this jewelry box while you’re getting over it. […]
90 Minutes as a Billionaire
March 23, 2012
In Denmark, 300 people were mistakenly informed they had won 3 billion euros by the state-run lottery company. They were sent an email informing them of their winnings and an hour and a half later they were sent an email informing them of the mistake. I assume the first and second email were accompanied by […]
My Pain in the Neck and Back
March 21, 2012
I continue to recover from a back/neck injury and have had to cut down my posts as I’ve suffered some nerve problems in my hands and the doctor told me typing sixteen hours a day wasn’t helping. My recent back injury has forced me to adapt a recurring joke: In the past whenever people would […]
The Distracted Detective Strikes Again…Or At Least I Think He Did
March 19, 2012
As I’ve written before, I’ve often fantasized about being a detective because I like a good mystery, enjoy calling women ‘dames’, and appreciate any excuse for staying out late. And I’m pretty good at deciphering clues. Just last week Mrs. Greatsby asked me who had tracked jam all over the kitchen floor and it only […]
My Plot to Meet Zooey Deschanel or Zoey Deschanel
March 16, 2012
As part of my ongoing campaign to meet Zooey Deschanel and trick her into falling in love with me, I’ve been trying to acquire the domain name zoeydeschanel.com. Here’s my strategy: 1. Buy the domain zoeydeschanel.com. 2. Find a woman named Zoey Deschanel and promote her webpage until she’s bigger than the original Zooey Deschanel. […]
Detergent Thefts Leave Stores Hanging Out to Dry
March 14, 2012
News reports claim American stores are experiencing a spike in thefts of Tide laundry detergent. Apparently the high retail value of Tide, $10 to $20 a bottle, and the lack of a serial number, make it an attractive target for thieves to steal and resell. I’m pretty sure the story has been blown out of […]
Dear Good Housekeeping: How do I get Karo syrup out of a ukulele?
March 12, 2012
Dear Good Housekeeping, While perusing your site today I found many helpful tips on cleaning everything from leather sofas to freezers to sponges, but I was disappointed when I didn’t find a single tip on how to get Karo syrup out of a ukulele. Surely I can’t be the first person to fall asleep while […]
Chinglish Gruel
March 11, 2012
My wife bought a container of fresh macaroni at a local cafe and was slightly perplexed by the instructions on the back: Storing method: keep between 0°C to 6°C or above 65°C (apparently any storage between 6 and 65 degrees Celsius (42.8°F – 149°F) is unsafe but storage above 149°F would be fine. I’d be […]
Complete and Utter Rubbish!
March 9, 2012
Optimist Prime has always been a bit wise for a ten-year-old, and his seeming wisdom has only increased now that he’s chosen to permanently speak in a British accent. He’s been trying it out here and there with an occasional “That’s bloody brilliant” or “And I said rubbish! Complete and utter rubbish!” but this last […]
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The Good Greatsby 
March 30, 2012
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