90 Minutes as a Billionaire

In Denmark, 300 people were mistakenly informed they had won 3 billion euros by the state-run lottery company. They were sent an email informing them of their winnings and an hour and a half later they were sent an email informing them of the mistake. I assume the first and second email were accompanied by the following events:

1:00PM

300 bosses received an email with the subject line: Guess where you can stick my last paycheck?

300 pets were sent packing because dogs and cats are for poor people. Hello, jaguars, lemurs, and sloths!

300 emails were sent to friends uninviting them from birthday parties because the guest list no longer included space for unwealthy or unattractive people.

300 calls were made to local charities, donating a spouse’s embarrassingly pedestrian wardrobe.

300 status updates were made on ex boyfriend/girlfriends’ Facebook pages reading: You were wrong! My alcoholism and gambling addiction had a 50% happy ending.

300 calls were made to parents, thanking them for their years of service but informing them that they were being replaced with celebrity parents.

300 wills were rewritten to exclude the children who were never well liked but were rich enough to require an occasional hug and a Christmas card so they could be hit up for money at retirement.

150 wives were informed of the existence of a secret second family that would now be living in an extension built on to the main house.

900 pies were eaten because liposuction can take anything off.

2:30PM

300 bosses received an email with the subject line: I’ve always appreciated your ability to take a joke

300 voices were heard shouting “Here, boy! Here, boy!”

300 emails were sent to friends reinviting them to the birthday party and claiming the email account had been hacked.

300 apologies were made to spouses for saying “Who knows if the hobos will even want your wardrobe?”

300 Facebook status updates were deleted.

300 calls were made to parents, blaming them for raising the type of kids that could so easily cut off their parents.

150 suitcases were packed after wives refused to forget the second family story.