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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All Posts filed under »Columns«
Tips for Introducing Your Monster Boyfriend
Your parents never like the guys you bring home. They just can’t understand why you always seem to be attracted to bad boys. They called your last boyfriend a ‘monster’; how will they react when they learn your new boyfriend really is a monster? Literally. We may be living in a progressive age but don’t […]
Saturday Salad: Dressing on the Side
October 22, 2011
My seven-year-old, The Fonz, showed me a story he’s writing and the first sentence made me laugh: Once upon a time 3 kids were best friends named Jay, Henry and most of all Jack. Here was an opening line that sucked me right in and I had to keep reading to find out why Jack […]
If at First You Don’t Rapture, Try, Try Again
October 17, 2011
Five months ago I posted a response to evangelical pastor Harold Camping’s prediction that the Christian Rapture would come on May 21st: Cloudy with a Chance of Rapture. Once again Camping is predicting the apocalypse is still coming and will actually arrive on October 21. People have been predicting the end of the world for […]
Saturday Surprise
October 15, 2011
A father remembers the moment when after years of letting his son win, the kid sprints past him and wins all on his own. Most of this ‘allowing to win’ pertains to sports and board games but not video games since babies today are born with advanced Super Mario skills far exceeding those of their […]
Smack Talk 101: Can I get you a bowl of smackaroni and cheese?
October 11, 2011
Smack talk is not my strong suit. Some people think half the fun of a fantasy football league is sending taunting emails and texts to other players, but I’ve never liked mean humor and I have a hard time getting into the spirit of being one of the guys while worrying about crossing the line. […]
The Search Engine Oracle Speaks, Clears Throat, Reiterates
October 10, 2011
Some seemingly innocent search terms keep me up late at night: guess how much i love you At first, I assumed this was a random search, but I found it more satisfying to convince myself I had a secret admirer. Secret admirer, guessing how much I love you is pretty hard without knowing who you […]
Saturday Brain Biscuits & Gravy
October 8, 2011
My seven-year-old son, The Fonz, is very interested in zombies right now, and when he overheard me mention I had watched an episode of the AMC zombie show, The Walking Dead, he started asking if he could watch it despite my warnings it was much too scary. I finally let him watch an advertisement for […]
Ruminations Over Underdogs Over Overdogs
October 7, 2011
Every year during the baseball playoffs, my son and I debate what we enjoy more: 1. Cheering for our favorite team to win; or 2. Cheering for the New York Yankees to lose. The Germans have a word, shadenfreude, which means taking delight in the misfortunes of others. Many philosophers consider feelings of shadenfreude to […]
Scenes from the Shanghai Zoo
October 4, 2011
Today is a holiday for most people in China, and here are some things observed among the swarms of visitors at the Shanghai Zoo that you might find different than your local zoo: Chinese people take more pictures of the white foreigners than they do the animals, yet foreigners receive no zoo entry discount. The […]
Saturday Mimosa
October 1, 2011
My seven-year-old, The Fonz, was telling my wife the sound he hated to hear above all others was the sound of scratchy markers. My wife said there were lots of other things people hated to hear, and The Fonz replied, “You mean like, ‘I don’t love you. I love him,’ or ‘I want a divorce’?” […]
My Fantasy Baseball Victory
September 29, 2011
The baseball regular season is over and with the conclusion of the season comes the end of my fantasy baseball league of which I am the winner. Congratulations are in order, and don’t listen to any naysayers who claim my victory comes with an asterisk because half of the teams in my league were managed […]
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