Tips for Introducing Your Monster Boyfriend

Your parents never like the guys you bring home.  They just can’t understand why you always seem to be attracted to bad boys.

They called your last boyfriend a ‘monster’; how will they react when they learn your new boyfriend really is a monster?

Literally.

We may be living in a progressive age but don’t be surprised if your parents don’t invite your new zombie or vampire boyfriend to stay for dinner.  You’ve got to plan ahead and combat their criticism by putting the most positive spin possible on your relationship.

Zombie Boyfriend

My last ten boyfriends only wanted me for my body, but I’ve finally found someone who wants me for my brain.

We’ll be able to save some money in this tough economy because he gets all his food for free.

We’ll never have to call a locksmith when we get locked out of the house because he always manages to find a way inside.

Vampire Boyfriend

He’s totally supportive of my career.  If we have kids, he has no problem staying home with them during the day so I can keep working.

Guys today are so vain.  My last boyfriend checked his hair every five minutes.  It’s so refreshing to date a guy who never looks in the mirror.

He’s such a traditionalist and treats me with so much respect; he’s waiting to bite me until marriage.

Frankenstein’s Monster Boyfriend

His inability to die has really helped me overcome my fear of loss.

You’ll never have to worry about us dividing time between our two families during the holidays because he hates his dad.

He’s so protective and makes me feel safe.  Just the other day a guy whistled at me and he tore off the man’s arms and burned down his village.

Werewolf Boyfriend

Sure, he gets a bit crazy and stays out all night once a month, but my last boyfriend stayed out all night ten times a month–and he wasn’t hunting for food.

I love animals but I’m so busy; this is the closest thing to having a dog without having to take care of one.

He’s always up on the latest fashions since he’s got to replace his entire ripped-to-shreds wardrobe every month.

Mummy Boyfriend

He’s so knowledgeable because he’s seen so much of the world…mostly just Egypt and the countries he chased me through.

He’s got so much life experience because he’s been alive for thousands of years.

At first I was turned off when he said I was the reincarnation of his lost love and chased me all over the world, but don’t I deserve to be loved, even if it’s by a rotting corpse who has me confused with someone else?