A father remembers the moment when after years of letting his son win, the kid sprints past him and wins all on his own. Most of this ‘allowing to win’ pertains to sports and board games but not video games since babies today are born with advanced Super Mario skills far exceeding those of their fathers.
Because my kids never let me win at video games, I never let them win at wrestling. I hope this helps them understand their strength in the virtual world is nothing compared to my strength in the physical world and an armed uprising against my rule would be fruitless.
Today, as part of my effort to remind my sons that any challenge to my rule would be pointless, I managed to soundly defeat both of them in a wrestling match while simultaneously solving a Rubik’s cube. It took me 4 minutes and 37 seconds to solve the puzzle and during this time they were unable to escape my grasp even though my hands and mind were occupied with solving the cube–clear and indisputable evidence that I was barely even trying.
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My ten-year-old, Optimist Prime, told me to check his email for a picture I wanted to use on the blog. When checking his folders, I noticed all my posts were in his junk mail and not one of them had been opened.
If you were planning on having kids as a guarantee someone would read your blog, forget it!
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Has your father refused to pay for the wedding if you marry a vampire? Is your TV remote haunted by the ghost of its previous owner? Do you wish your sister-in-law would meet an untimely end but worry her ghost might still haunt family reunions to criticize your macaroni salad? Now is your chance to ask The Good Greatsby all your Halloween-themed questions on the Dear Good Greatsby page.
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While writing this post, I called Mrs. Good Greatsby to ask when she would be home. She replied, “You know that handsome Indian waiter at Dehli Barbar (our favorite Indian restaurant)? I just talked to him and he gave me his number.”
Under further questioning she revealed she had gone to the restaurant to arrange a librarians event and he had only given her the number so she could make a booking. Part of what makes our relationship work is that we try and start all of our conversations with a joke and we’ve still got the magic after all these years.
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Only one day left to submit a caption in the caption contest. Remember all those teachers in high school who said you’d never amount to anything? Winning the caption contest might just be your chance to prove them wrong.
The Good Greatsby 
k8edid
October 15, 2011
Were you sitting on the boys while solving the cube? I love solving my rubic’s cube, and miss having boys around to wrestle. Just not the same trying to wrestle with my husband (he lets me win. Pervert!).
Carl D'Agostino
October 15, 2011
When she was 3 I taught my granddaughter dominoes. The ones where you match the cartoon faces. And of course I would lose on purpose and make a fuss as to how well she did and pseudo gloat if I won. To give it a little competitive excitement and praise for her. Well one day she said “Grandpa it does not matter who wins because we are having fun.” What in the Sam Hill kinda of commy pacifist crap are they teaching kids in school these days? It is an outrage. It is the American and Christian way to savagely and mercilessly destroy the opponent . And with kids to make them run home crying to their mother as we follow kicking butt all the way !
mistyslaws
October 18, 2011
I try my damnedest to tell my son that it’s about having fun, but he is convinced that it is only fun if he wins. So they must be teaching the right kind of stuff in his school. That and the hubs is the most competitive man I have ever met in my life, so also? Genetics.
georgettesullins
October 15, 2011
I’m amazed by your many talents. Shoot I can’t solve a rubiks cube just sitting down with dedicated alone time. My brothers can though and so could my father. Yeah…I know it sounds very sexist…it’s a guy thing. Funny…tho’…I can fix things…there is a mechanical brain in my head. Your wife sounds just as funny as you. Let the magic that reigns in the home of your two boys continue.
limr
October 15, 2011
I could only solve the Cube by taking it apart and putting it back together. Figuring out how to do that the first time was ten times more fun to me than playing with it the way we were supposed to.
gerknoop
October 15, 2011
THis morning I was arm wrestling with my son (and husband) with one arm, while cooking the entire family breakfast with the other…..and I didn’t break ONE egg yoke preparing the “over easy” eggs…..and I WON the arm wrestling contest. Top that.
Oh, and I was on the phone with a friend who needed advice. Women are great multitaskers.
The Good Greatsby
October 16, 2011
You’ve certainly managed to one-up me. I’ll have to add food preparation next time.
Laura
October 16, 2011
If wresting teaches them that an armed uprising would be futile, does that mean you’re all armed when you wrestle? Is this one of those new extreme sports? If the kids had guns and knives while you had a Rubik’s cube, that makes your victory even more impressive.
bigsheepcommunications
October 16, 2011
Well, at least your son made the (empty) gesture to subscribe to your blog, even if he had no intention of reading it. You’re one step ahead of me!
The Good Greatsby
October 16, 2011
I guess that’s true. My youngest son hasn’t even subscribed yet.
John Erickson
October 16, 2011
About the only Halloween question I can come up with is who decided sparkly teenage vampires are sexy, how can we get rid of them – PERMANENTLY?
C’mon, fess up, you conked both the kids with the cube, then solved it while they were regaining consciousness. Hey, no disrespect, a win’s a win! 😉 😀
The Good Greatsby
October 16, 2011
The rules of wrestling with the kids were invented by me so who’s to say I can’t knock them out with the Rubik’s cube?
Angie Z.
October 16, 2011
Yay, Rubik’s cube! I have a mention in my blog’s FAQs about that glorious Rubik’s cube. I thought the point wasn’t to solve it so much as to figure out how to best cheat it. My brother took apart the thing (as did everyone) and then greased it up before putting it back together. That way you could turn the pieces at rocket-speed like the professionals. I bet if you do so you could wrestle both kids while playing Super Mario Brothers while you solve the Rubik’s cube.
That’s your tip for the day.
Rachael Black
October 16, 2011
1. Learned to solve Rubiks cube very simply: remove those pesky colored sticker and arrange them until they are correct
2. Why won’t my boyfriend allow me to put razor blades in the candy this year? Personally I find apples so 1970’s. Should I drop him like a hot Monet?
gojulesgo
October 16, 2011
Another point I can use in my “Why I’m Not Having Kids, Mom” argument. Thanks, GG!
The Good Greatsby
October 16, 2011
Children are not a cost efficient strategy for boosting blog stats.
EllieAnn
October 16, 2011
I tried to solve a rubiks cube while riding bikes with my kids but it didn’t turn out so well. I definitely didn’t beat your record.
Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson
October 16, 2011
Good to now that your kid doesn’t read your blog posts either. My dude can solve a Rubik’s cube in under two minutes. If you left me in a room with a Rubik’s cube for two weeks and told me I HAD to solve it or I would be killed, I think that would be the end of it for me.
That said, I can still take him down in under 10 seconds. Picture the skinniest branch on a tree. Now picture that branch just a little slimmer. Yeah, that’s my dude. 😉
Binky
October 17, 2011
You should make reading your blog a requirement. No blog reading, no desert. You should gain a couple of loyal followers that way.
mistyslaws
October 18, 2011
I always start my conversations with the hubs telling him how many straws the DD guy gave me that day. It makes him realize he has some competition for my love. Keeps it fresh, ya know?
Neither of my kids subscribe to my blog, and the hubs is just as bad. I think they are just too close to my genius to understand.
pattisj
October 27, 2011
You are a man of many talents. And you manage to keep a wife, too? Amazing.