Sarah Palin and Donald Trump met yesterday in New York. They held a brief pretend meeting at Trump’s office, spoke to a huge throng of press corp about pretend issues, then went for pizza. They towed the families along for the pizza outing because of course Trump was probably already planning to head to his local greasy pizzeria even before Palin called because Trump probably eats pizza all the time just like the rest of us non-millionaires, and this event was in no way staged or completely meaningless. Details on the type of pizza and the number of toppings has not been released at the time of this posting.
I assume Palin’s manager’s itinerary closely resembled the following:
9:55 Palin will enter Trump’s office in view of media. If media does not notice she will keep exiting and reentering until they do. When they notice, she will shrilly demand privacy.
10:00-10:15AM Palin and Trump meet at Trump’s office and discuss who loves America more.
10:15AM Palin and Trump exit the building in view of the press. No questions allowed, but both should say they love America and call the other person terrific.
10:30AM Palin and Trump and families go for normal people food like pizza to be just as patronizing as possible. Note: Confirm with Trump’s people that he’s willing to eat pizza or at least pretend to eat pizza or at least pretend to know what pizza is.
11:00AM Palin and Trump depart pizzeria in view of press, embrace, and return to individual hotels to shower off the remains of the other person’s stink of desperation.
Palin had this to say about their meeting, “Donald Trump and the thing about business efficiency and privatization and cutting taxes and the brave men and women defending America and the flag and apple pie.”
Trump had this to say about the meeting, “Donald Trump is a major success. The Apprentice on NBC!”
Trump had already announced he wasn’t going to run for president, but maybe Palin is considering him as a potential vice president because he certainly seems like the type of person who could take orders from someone else and play second fiddle.
At first I was skeptical of Palin and Trump’s presidential chances, but I’ve heard insider rumors of a new political strategy based on the concept of multiplying two negatives and getting a positive.
Palin and Trump 2012
Slogan: -1 x -1 = +1
I declare pizza to be delicious! Rumors I've never eaten this new pizza animal are all lies!
Because this was a pretend meeting, and Palin and Trump aren’t really friends, I would have loved to hear snippets of their awkward conversation:
Palin: So my advisers said maybe people would take me more seriously if I had a VP running mate who people take even less seriously than they take me.
Trump: What are you getting at?
Trump: We’d be the perfect Presidential-VP team. You’d deliver Alaska and I’d deliver…um…um…is there a state that loves thrice-married, thrice-bankrupt men who claim to be unmitigated successes?
Palin: Do you ever get the feeling that for two people who complain incessantly about the media, we sure seem to organize a lot of meaningless, attention-seeking media events?
Trump: China would never take a reality TV star seriously as a leader, but what about two reality TV stars?
Palin: If we could somehow combine my favorability ratings with your favorability ratings we’d be halfway to a 40% majority.
Trump: Obama’s birth certificate proves nothing! I won’t be satisfied until he can prove his BIRTH wasn’t faked!
Just a guess, but something tells me Melania Trump didn't eat pizza.
Trump: So I just pick up the pizza with my hands? That can’t be right.
Palin: Maybe they have a worker who can pick up the pizza for you? I’ll-aska. Get it? It sounds like Alaska. That joke usually gets a laugh. Guess where that joke absolutely kills?
Trump: Alas–
Palin: Alaska!
The Good Greatsby 
carldagostino
June 1, 2011
No one in the Republican field. Hope Rudy G jumps in. That’s a guy I could vote for.
The Good Greatsby
June 1, 2011
My first preference on the Republican side is anybody who isn’t currently on a reality show.
spilledinkguy
June 2, 2011
NOOOoooooo!
I was totally counting on your vote, G.G.! 🙂
The Good Greatsby
June 2, 2011
I wanted to vote for you, but I disagreed with your policies on Houdini.
spilledinkguy
June 2, 2011
Hahaha…
my smoke and mirrors platform has been a difficult sell…
🙂
averageinsuburbia
June 1, 2011
Of course she didn’t eat pizza! Besides the obvious fact that fatty foods do not pass through her lips, no woman would eat pizza in a white dress. That’s just asking for trouble.
The Good Greatsby
June 1, 2011
I don’t trust anyone who won’t eat pizza, no matter how beautiful she is.
k8edid
June 2, 2011
Oh models eat pizza, all right. Remember Miss Congeniality with the pizza and beer and the pagent contestants?
berettaluvz26
June 1, 2011
I’m surprised neither of them mentioned 9/11 in their fake conversation. I suppose they’re saving that gem for a real meeting.
The Good Greatsby
June 1, 2011
I’d be surprised if either of them ever have a real meeting other than the real meeting once a week to plan pretend meetings.
paulbeforeswine
June 1, 2011
Yup, only in America.
Though many Canadians would probably prefer Trump/Palin to Stephen f’n Harper!
The Good Greatsby
June 1, 2011
Take that back! There’s no way you can compare Harper with these two reality stars.
blackwatertown
June 1, 2011
1030 for pizza? That’s early. Have they turned into Hobbits without our noticing? Second breakfast and all that.
The Good Greatsby
June 1, 2011
Their staff didn’t expect anyone to notice the time. They just expected the media to take a few pictures and report on the non-story as their leading story.
lifeintheboomerlane
June 1, 2011
I’m not convinced Melania knew anyone else was in the photo with her. Palin just sort of squished herself in and Trump held Melania’s hand up to Palin’s back. I think super models and celebs always always stand that way, just in case anyone with a camera happens by. While Trump and Palin were eating pizza and plotting strategy (Palin: “For the campaign, I can cover Alaska and you can cover New York. When we’ll divvy up the other, um, ah, you know, however many states are left. All those other places.” Trump: California. I want that too.” Palin: “Uh, OK, then I’ll take LA. That’s where Bristol will be. This is fun.”), Melania was photographed by several papparrazi, a group of tourists from Yokohama, and a Cub Scout Troop from Watford City, ND.
The Good Greatsby
June 1, 2011
If I were Trump I would ask her to tone it down and stop taking every picture so seriously. She makes him look like a chump in comparison.
Cocktails of History and Prose
June 2, 2011
The first sentence of this comment… love it.
thelifeofjamie
June 1, 2011
D: I love America more
S: No Donald, I’m thinkin’ I love America more now
and on and on…
This is my biggest fear- these two morons in the same place and possibly on the same ticket. I wonder if Mexico, Canada and Cuba will be ready for the influx of illegal immigrants flooding their countries. I can’t decide…Mexico is warm and tropical (albeit slightly third world) but Canada is cold- although the chances of being shot by drug lords is significantly lower.
The Good Greatsby
June 1, 2011
I choose Canada. I’ll take cold feet over having my feet cut off.
Tori Nelson
June 1, 2011
SO much dumb in one meeting.
The Good Greatsby
June 1, 2011
I wonder if their advisers listen to them discuss nothing in the most vapid manner possible and feel guilty about helping to propel these two into the spotlight.
madtante
June 1, 2011
I was going to say “Whore #1 and Whore #2” but then that final photo leaves me with an edit. “Whore #1, Whore #2 AND Whore #3.”
The Good Greatsby
June 1, 2011
Don’t hold back to spare anybody’s feelings. Tell us how you really feel.
writerdood
June 1, 2011
Mmm… Pizza.
The Good Greatsby
June 1, 2011
I hope nobody comes away with the incorrect impression that I’m making fun of pizza. I love pizza and would recommend it to anyone who hasn’t tried it.
Bearman
June 1, 2011
Palin and Trump 2012
Slogan: -1 x -1 = +1
I’d put that on my bumper.
The Good Greatsby
June 1, 2011
You make the bumper sticker and do all the marketing, and we’ll split it 50/50.
educlaytion
June 1, 2011
So I’m supposed to just pick it up with my hands? That can’t be right.
The Good Greatsby
June 1, 2011
It does seem a bit counter-intuitive, doesn’t it?
Thomas Stazyk
June 2, 2011
Which one said that again?
modestypress
June 1, 2011
With so much ego in the same room at the same time, it’s a wonder the entire building did not sink beneath the earth. Or float up into the sky heading for the moon.
The Good Greatsby
June 1, 2011
Yes, we’re very lucky those two are still here with us.
Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom)
June 2, 2011
Of course, their names in tandem creates a rather interesting Spoonerism: Pump and Tralin’.
The Good Greatsby
June 2, 2011
Ha! I love that. If their names were Pump and Tralin’ I still wouldn’t vote for them, but I might watch their reality shows.
Laura
June 2, 2011
I love the slogan, although I’m skeptical about its origins: I just don’t believe that either of them knows enough math to have come up with it.
If they do run together, I wonder how they’ll decorate their campaign headquarters. Will they go with stuffed heads of dead animals or solid-gold statues of the heads of dead animals?
The Good Greatsby
June 2, 2011
I heard the math on the slogan had to be explained to them many times, and they still didn’t get it. They were skeptical of the “x” symbol meaning multiply.
nursemyra
June 2, 2011
I thought it meant x rated
Lenore Diane
June 2, 2011
I admit. I hope they run ONLY because it will be a train wreck worth watching. I’ll bring the popcorn!!
Think about it – the two are a match made in heaven! I shudder thinking about either one as President. And, I think it is a safer bet the WON’T win, if they run together.
Republican candidates worth your time? Herman Cain. Oddly enough, he was the CEO for a pizza joint. Seriously. (Godfather’s Pizza) Continuing with seriousness, Herman Cain is an excellent candidate. (http://www.hermancain.com/)
The Good Greatsby
June 2, 2011
On one hand, I do like pizza. On the other hand Godfather’s Pizza is pretty far down the list of good pizza.
gmomj
June 2, 2011
Sara Palin: Well gosh darnnit Donald we can settle the pizza initiative like I would any problem in government. A fair game of rock, paper, scissors.
Trump: Sara, you are awesome and talented and will go far…but not in my company…(why is the teleprompter not changing…help…ok it’s working now)… Sara…You’re fired.
Lenore Diane
June 2, 2011
GMom! You nailed it with the ‘gosh darnnit’! Hilarious! You did an excellent Donald, too.
The Good Greatsby
June 2, 2011
Whenever she says something like “gosh darnnit” I feel like she’s purposely trying to annoy people.
MommyLisa
June 2, 2011
omg I threw up a bit reading this …
The Good Greatsby
June 2, 2011
Because you enjoyed it so much?
Invisible Mikey
June 2, 2011
I so hope she runs on a well-financed Tea Party ticket. It would make the election such fun! The Donald would have to give up his show, so he’ll never run for real. You should run too, Paul – fast, the first chance you get. (This was a delightful read.)
The Good Greatsby
June 2, 2011
I’m considering throwing my hat into the ring, not because I want to be president, but because I hope it will help me get my own reality show like these two.
bridgesburning
June 2, 2011
You did such a good job selling these two…for something…not sure what yet..enjoyed it!
Chris
Penny
June 2, 2011
Chris
I totally agree with your comment. It was good reading !
The Good Greatsby
June 2, 2011
I’d feel bad if my selling helps them in any way to trick more people into handing over their money.
limr
June 2, 2011
They are clearly poseurs because everyone around here knows that you don’t go out ‘for pizza’ – you go out ‘for a slice’. I mean, duh! How much dumber do those two get???
As for Melania – according to a former student of mine who used to be on the cleaning crew, the woman is a complete nutter. Which is somehow…satisfying.
The Good Greatsby
June 2, 2011
A cleaning crew for cleaning Melania? That does seem a bit odd.
Girly
June 2, 2011
This is one of your best among many great posts! I can’t even pick which part is my favorite.
The Good Greatsby
June 2, 2011
My favorite part is the bit about Palin. Although I also like the Trump part, too.
nursemyra
June 2, 2011
I like the x rated pizza part
omawarisan
June 2, 2011
can’t that much dumb in one place create a dangerous vacuum?
modestypress
June 2, 2011
Be careful when you speak about “dangerous vacuums.” First nature abhors, the she creates an F5 tornado, then Trump and Palin fly in where your wall used to be, hardly the worse for wear.
The Good Greatsby
June 2, 2011
I wouldn’t mind these two being sucked up by a twister, but I’m less thrilled about the chance they might be dropped off at my house.
jammer5
June 3, 2011
EEEEEEEEEEyiyiyiyiyi . . . dude, that really sucks . . . like really! 🙂
Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson
June 2, 2011
I hate when I’m late to the party. Can I just say “you betcha” once and call it a day?
The Good Greatsby
June 2, 2011
You can say “you betcha” once, but if I have to hear it twice I’ll go nuts.
Calhoun
June 2, 2011
I laughed. I cried. No, seriously, I cried because, well, this is real life.
Way to bum me out in the most humorous way possible
Another great post
The Good Greatsby
June 2, 2011
If you stop and think about how very, very serious it all is, you’d never laugh again.
amblerangel
June 2, 2011
Please- more funny photo ops! Don’t let it stop- not yet! Palin wearing something out of Melania’s nursery, Melania looking like she’s about to shoot- and the Donald- just happy to be out with his people eatin’ pizza. Oh happy days ahead in the Oval Office…
The Good Greatsby
June 2, 2011
I love the picture of Melania. She makes those other two look like tourists in comparison.
thoughtsappear
June 2, 2011
A negative times a negative equals a positive? You’re right! Oh no!
Spectra
June 2, 2011
Aw, those two can’t run together. They’d be scrumpin’ in no time. Great scandelous TMZ reports, though. Late night comic monologues, Lettermans Top Ten List,… a new cutsey Hybrid name: PalUmp. STrump. TR-alin. SaDon. SarDon… DonSar. SarRump.
lynnbiederstadt
June 3, 2011
Jon Stewart was hilarious on exactly this topic last night. Lucky me, to have two such funny men in my orbit!
xo
judithhb
June 3, 2011
Dumb an Dumber on the same ticket? No Way – or way?
jammer5
June 3, 2011
““I had a wonderful time with myself yesterday, and that lovely woman who accompanied me, Sarah Whatsername, whom I love dearly, Isn’t she great? She was a great conversationalist as well, keeping me entertained while I ate a supreme pizza,, minus the crust, because I have to watch this wonderful figure. I may hire her for my next reality show, ‘People who love me.’ Wouldn’t she be great? I just love her and her kids. Did you know I’m buying her house in Wassila?”
the master
June 6, 2011
Just thought I’d leave a note to say that, this post excepted, I have a policy of never commenting on anything P***n related. I simply refuse to accept that that dino-hater exists, in the same way that she refuses to accept that my Mesozoic friends existed.
bluebee
June 7, 2011
It’s heartening to see that over 60% said they would definitely not vote for either of them – but that still leaves a lot of people who would – scary
writerwoman61
June 7, 2011
Thanking my lucky stars I live in Canada, where the politicians are boring but mostly smart…
Funny post, Paul!
Wendy
flippingchannels
June 7, 2011
Things like this make me question everyone else’s hold on reality.