Palin and Trump 2012

Posted on June 1, 2011


Sarah Palin and Donald Trump met yesterday in New York.  They held a brief pretend meeting at Trump’s office, spoke to a huge throng of press corp about pretend issues, then went for pizza.  They towed the families along for the pizza outing because of course Trump was probably already planning to head to his local greasy pizzeria even before Palin called because Trump probably eats pizza all the time just like the rest of us non-millionaires, and this event was in no way staged or completely meaningless.  Details on the type of pizza and the number of toppings has not been released at the time of this posting.

I assume Palin’s manager’s itinerary closely resembled the following:

9:55 Palin will enter Trump’s office in view of media.  If media does not notice she will keep exiting and reentering until they do.  When they notice, she will shrilly demand privacy.

10:00-10:15AM Palin and Trump meet at Trump’s office and discuss who loves America more.

10:15AM Palin and Trump exit the building in view of the press.  No questions allowed, but both should say they love America and call the other person terrific.

10:30AM Palin and Trump and families go for normal people food like pizza to be just as patronizing as possible.  Note: Confirm with Trump’s people that he’s willing to eat pizza or at least pretend to eat pizza or at least pretend to know what pizza is.

11:00AM Palin and Trump depart pizzeria in view of press, embrace, and return to individual hotels to shower off the remains of the other person’s stink of desperation.

Palin had this to say about their meeting, “Donald Trump and the thing about business efficiency and privatization and cutting taxes and the brave men and women defending America and the flag and apple pie.”

Trump had this to say about the meeting, “Donald Trump is a major success.  The Apprentice on NBC!”

Trump had already announced he wasn’t going to run for president, but maybe Palin is considering him as a potential vice president because he certainly seems like the type of person who could take orders from someone else and play second fiddle.

At first I was skeptical of Palin and Trump’s presidential chances, but I’ve heard insider rumors of a new political strategy based on the concept of multiplying two negatives and getting a positive.

Palin and Trump 2012
Slogan: -1 x -1 = +1

I declare pizza to be delicious! Rumors I've never eaten this new pizza animal are all lies!

Because this was a pretend meeting, and Palin and Trump aren’t really friends, I would have loved to hear snippets of their awkward conversation:

Palin: So my advisers said maybe people would take me more seriously if I had a VP running mate who people take even less seriously than they take me.
Trump: What are you getting at?

Trump: We’d be the perfect Presidential-VP team.  You’d deliver Alaska and I’d deliver…um…um…is there a state that loves thrice-married, thrice-bankrupt men who claim to be unmitigated successes?

Palin: Do you ever get the feeling that for two people who complain incessantly about the media, we sure seem to organize a lot of meaningless, attention-seeking media events?

Trump: China would never take a reality TV star seriously as a leader, but what about two reality TV stars?

Palin: If we could somehow combine my favorability ratings with your favorability ratings we’d be halfway to a 40% majority.

Trump: Obama’s birth certificate proves nothing!  I won’t be satisfied until he can prove his BIRTH wasn’t faked!

Just a guess, but something tells me Melania Trump didn't eat pizza.

Trump: So I just pick up the pizza with my hands?  That can’t be right.
Palin: Maybe they have a worker who can pick up the pizza for you? I’ll-aska. Get it?  It sounds like Alaska.  That joke usually gets a laugh.  Guess where that joke absolutely kills?
Trump: Alas–
Palin: Alaska!