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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »satire«
Congratulations Captain Caption MattJ! Who Can Topple Him from His Caption Throne?
The votes have been tallied and the winner is: Congratulations to MattJ who has been awarded the honorary title of Captain Caption for the next week. MattJ is also a two consecutive weeks winner and has converted his ‘moderate’ lucky feeling into an ‘on-a-roll’ feeling. If he wins a third consecutive week, he will be […]
How the Song Friday Won Me Over
March 25, 2011
I don’t care what people say–I like the song Friday by Rebecca Black. If you haven’t heard of Friday, you’re missing a viral sensation celebrated for its poor production values, robotic vocals, and travelogue lyrics that could have been lifted from court transcripts recording a witness’ schedule on the day of a murder: ‘I ate […]
How to Teach Your Kids to Sound Smart (Especially If They’re Not)–Part 2
March 24, 2011
If you haven’t read How to Make Your Kids Sound Smart Part 1, make sure you do so here, so you’ll know what all the other moms were talking about at last week’s group therapy. For those who did read Part 1, did you practice tips #1 and #2 with your ‘fork-misses-mouth’ smart child? Remember, […]
Choose Your Captain Caption
March 23, 2011
This week’s winner will receive the honorary title Captain Caption. Your friends must call you Captain Caption for one week until a new winner is selected. If your friends won’t call you Captain Caption, they are not good friends. Thank you for your excellent caption submissions. Many of these were funny, and I hate having […]
Rubik’s Cube Solving Robot? Now Robots Will be Stealing Our Rubik’s Cube Solving Jobs, Too!
March 22, 2011
There’s so much going on in the world, but my wife is still sick of my contrarian take on the news and won’t discuss current events with me. I’m forced once again to post my comments online: 1. A student creates a robot that can solve a Rubik’s Cube in fifteen seconds: Aww, man, now […]
Breaking News Fixed
March 21, 2011
I saw this picture of Hillary Clinton but didn’t immediately see any headline attached. What is she doing? Who or what is she looking at? Is she about to speak or has she just spoken? Is she possibly thinking about me and those love letters I wrote her? I decided not to look for the […]
Caption Contest–Last Week’s Winner Eligible to Win ‘On-a-Roll’ feeling
March 20, 2011
Congratulations again to last week’s caption contest winner MattJ, who is eligible to convert his ‘moderate’ lucky feeling into an ‘on-a-roll’ feeling! Submit your best caption for the picture below: Guidelines: Your caption could be a narration, a line of dialogue, a news headline, a sitcom title, or even a home remedy for removing […]
Economics Even A Six Year Old Can Understand–Part 2
March 19, 2011
My six year old son, The Fonz (so nicknamed because his middle name is Fonzarelli), recently started saying the word apparently. He uses it correctly in speech, but I assume its use adds a flavor he didn’t intend. If I ask him if Ethan is his best friend he says, “Apparently he is.” In his […]
Economics Even A Six Year Old Can Understand–Part 1
March 18, 2011
Every parent hopes children learn the following important lessons about money: How to live frugally. When it is okay to borrow money. How to save for a rainy day. How to be wealthy, but still win the respect of your servants in a way that ensures they’ll hide you when the local peasants form a […]
Larry King Kardashatron Prophet
March 17, 2011
I know it’s a digital world, but I can’t stand digital watches… –Larry King When the history of mankind is written by our humanoid-Kardashian replacements, we may be surprised by their conclusions. Some worry mankind will be judged harshly for wars, pollution, and Vin Diesel, but each culture brings its own bias when viewing another, […]
We can’t sit here impotently and wait for the Supermoon to attack! We must strike first!
March 16, 2011
My wife Lorraine knows she can’t tell me about a news event and expect an honest reaction. My mind is trained to answer with an absurdly-contrarian viewpoint delivered with a straight-faced sincerity. As a result, my wife will no longer discuss the news with me. I’ve tried calling my friend Andrew: Me: Did you see […]
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