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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »satire«
Everybody Loves a Clown…Except for Everybody I Know
Perhaps you’ve heard the story of the off-duty police officer dressed as a clown who shot a man trying to rob him at gunpoint. This must be a pretty rundown neighborhood when a clown catches your eye as the wealthiest potential mugging target. Think of all the rich clowns who are members of your country […]
Sunday Spread
June 19, 2011
Happy Father’s Day to you if you’re in a country celebrating Father’s Day and also if you’re a father. If you’re neither a father nor in a country celebrating Father’s Day, I hope an opportunity to celebrate you for something comes up before too long. When is Secretary’s Day? If you’re a father, but not […]
Playboy Bunny Hops Away
June 18, 2011
Perhaps you’ve heard the news that 85-year-old Playboy founder, Hugh Hefner, was left by his 25-year-old fiance, Crystal Harris, only five days before the wedding. She felt terrible about calling the wedding off on such short notice, and in her defense, she did try and tell him every day for a month: “I’m sorry, Hugh. […]
Your New Exercise Program
June 17, 2011
This time you’re going to do it! Nothing is going to stop you from getting in shape. You purchased an expensive exercise machine and you plan to work out every day. Allow me to help you create your exercise program: Day 1: Open exercise equipment box. Day 1: Lay out parts. Day 1: Misplace parts. […]
Spelling Bee Stings
June 16, 2011
Did you watch any of the national Scripps Spelling Bee last week on ESPN? Congratulations to Sukanya Roy who sealed the victory by correctly spelling “Cymotrichous”. News of the victory spread quickly among excited teenagers as they texted each other the news: wassup, playa, U heer bout Speling Be champyon? Fo shizzle, mine laydee Sukanya […]
Terrible Golf Made Easy
June 15, 2011
If someone invites me to go golfing, I usually accept but clarify, “I’m not an outstanding golfer.” This gives the impression I may be only a degree or two below outstanding–not a bad place to find yourself. But to be honest, I’m not a good golfer either. Actually, I’m not even average. To be clear, […]
Please Cast Me in The Great Gatsby Movie
June 14, 2011
Perhaps you’ve heard about the new Great Gatsby film that begins shooting this summer. Australian director Baz Luhrmann will be shooting the Leonardo DiCaprio 3D film in Syndey, and I’m more than a bit puzzled as to what he sees in the book that would make the movie adaption ripe material for 3D treatment. Baz, […]
I Formally Announce My Candidacy for International Monetary Fund Director
June 13, 2011
Perhaps you’ve heard about the managing director vacancy at the International Monetary Fund after Dominique Strauss-Kahn’s resignation. Strauss-Kahn was forced to resign after accusations of sexual misconduct, and since that time Christine Lagarde of France has emerged as the top candidate to follow in his footsteps and win the $500,000 a year job–but not necessarily […]
Sunday Buffet
June 12, 2011
This week I was playing video games with my sons, and the 7-year-old kept losing. In frustration he shouted, “It’s time for Jurassic measures!” I assume he meant drastic measures, but I also like to think he meant Jurassic as in he was about to go prehistoric on us. Can anyone confirm if this is […]
Please, Please, Please Invite Me to Your Party
June 11, 2011
I am ready to be the life of your party. I know I’ve turned down all your recent invitations, and you swore never to invite me again, but I’m ready to apologize for all the excuses because I really want to come to your party. I’m sorry I told you my new religion forbade parties, […]
Trouble the Millionaire Dog
June 10, 2011
Today the world mourns the death of Trouble the millionaire dog. You may remember Trouble as billionaire Leona Helmsley’s Maltese who received $12 million in inheritance when Helmsley died in 2007. The news articles covering Trouble’s death mentioned she received death threats throughout her life from people angry that a dog would inherit 12 million […]
My Test of Friendship
June 9, 2011
When I’m at a party, I’m not usually the type to try to be the center of attention. I’m more likely to be in a corner trying to convince someone I’ve just met that I’m about to confess to a crime. We’re laughing about something and then my face darkens, and I get a faraway […]
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