Perhaps you’ve heard the story of the off-duty police officer dressed as a clown who shot a man trying to rob him at gunpoint. This must be a pretty rundown neighborhood when a clown catches your eye as the wealthiest potential mugging target.
Think of all the rich clowns who are members of your country club–I’m assuming the list is pretty short. I keep a list of all my wealthy acquaintances–so I can remember who to be nice to–and not one of them is a clown by profession. Maybe I’ve been hanging out with the wrong clowns, but I assume nobody chooses clowning for the money, but rather for the pure love of making people hate you.
Maybe the robber saw the clown and thought, “Wow, that guy must be loaded. He can afford shoes twice as big as mine.” Or maybe he chose to rob the clown because he assumed the giant shoes would make running away impossible.
I imagine the robber pulled a gun and said something along the following lines:
Put your hands in the air. I don’t want any funny business.
Don’t test me. You better believe I am not clowning around.
Empty your pockets! And you better not pull out a thirty foot string of handkerchiefs!
I mean business, clown! I promise you this gun doesn’t shoot seltzer.
Is that all your money? Are you sure you don’t have any coins hidden behind your ears? What about my ears?
All right, get out of the teeny tiny car! You don’t have any clown friends in the trunk, do you?
Slowly lower your balloon gun and drop it to the ground. Or if it’s a helium balloon, just let it go.
Hold still while I tie your shoes together.
You better wipe that stupid grin off your face. Seriously. Here’s a handkerchief. Wipe it off.
I’m assuming the cop/clown gained the upper hand when the robber made one of the following mistakes:
That creme pie sure looks good. Mind if I have a piece?
Sure, I guess I have time to smell your flower.
The Good Greatsby 
bearmancartoons
June 20, 2011
I have a clown picture that used to hang in my room from the day I was born. My mom gave it to me when she was cleaning out her house. Only place my wife would hang it was the basement bathroom and even there she complains about it.
The Good Greatsby
June 20, 2011
Clowns are scary. How do they continue to reproduce?
ryoko861
June 20, 2011
Har har har…….long weekend with the kids, huh? They’ve made you punchy.
The Good Greatsby
June 20, 2011
Does fear of clowns qualify as punchy?
madtante
June 20, 2011
My post today has clowns. Hater.
The Good Greatsby
June 20, 2011
I’ll take a look, but I hope you said you hate clowns because I already said I don’t know anyone who likes clowns. I can’t take it back now.
madtante
June 20, 2011
It’s in the video. You get to see the clown in costume but out of character and then working a tad. I’m told it’s a “European clown,” not an American clown. Think “little hobo.”
Lenore Diane
June 20, 2011
You are scaring me, Paul. I’m listening to my favorite talk radio guy, who is talking about…. a clown killing a robber. I fumble through my blog subscriptions, knowing I saw something about a clown this morning. What?! It’s The Good Greatsby … writing about a would be robber getting shot by an off duty cop dressed as a clown. Weird. What you wrote was funny (as always). Just weird. But hey – clowns are weird, too.
Lenore Diane
June 20, 2011
ACK! I tweeted your blog to the radio guy – and he just read some of it on the air! Well done!!
The Good Greatsby
June 20, 2011
Really? Did he give me or my smoking jacket any credit?
Lenore Diane
June 20, 2011
He did! But, he hasn’t retweeted it yet. I thought for sure he’d retweet it.
Spectra
June 20, 2011
Who robs a clown? Kick him and run, sure. Toss a bucket of water on him and watch his hair flatten out, now that’s just pure, mean-spirited fun. Squirt a load of baby oil in his face and enjoy the melt-job to his makeup, well, that’s just performing a public service. But rob him?
I think here of Homey the Clown, of ‘In Living Color’ fame…you can bet he had a load full of nickels in that bopping sock of his, for protection. And beating up kids.
The Good Greatsby
June 20, 2011
I would never rob a clown. I might steal his shoes and foam nose so he couldn’t clown anymore, but I wouldn’t steal his money…unless I thought he might use the money to buy more shoes and another nose.
Tori Nelson
June 20, 2011
Hahahahahaha. I hate clowns, but the whole scenario in which a clown gets all Steven Seagal on a robber makes me hate them a little bit less.
The Good Greatsby
June 20, 2011
How sad if the robber was trying to steal money to pay for his clown college tuition.
thelifeofjamie
June 20, 2011
The clown at my country club is Lenny Dykstra. Okay- I can’t afford that club, but he used to belong to the one in town…you know- before he lost his house and got arrested for all sorts of stuff. Other than that- clowns are a little freaky- and I enjoy people who are scared of them!
The Good Greatsby
June 20, 2011
I don’t think clowns know how many people dislike them. Why do people continue to go into the clowning business? Especially those sad clowns. If clowning makes you so sad, stop being a clown.
Brown Road Chronicles
June 20, 2011
Why do people find clowns so scary? Sure they’ve been portrayed in a few movies as sick, blood-thirsty, homicidal… clowns… but those are just movies. I can honestly say, I’ve personally never had a clown try to murder me. I think clowns deserve more respect. And now they’re being targeted by criminals? What kind of bozo would try to rob a clown? Stupid clown hating robber guy… serves him right getting shot.
The Good Greatsby
June 21, 2011
Exactly. What kind of clown would try and rob a clown?
Kim Shimer
June 20, 2011
My first time reading your blog. Found you on Twitter. Funny stuff!
The Good Greatsby
June 21, 2011
Hope you’ll come back again–maybe even five or six times a day.
ajg
June 21, 2011
Twitter? Ha, I don’t believe it!
Amy
June 20, 2011
Okay, I never thought I’d say this but . . . bring back the pictures of crying babies. Those clown pics are seriously damaging my calm.
The Good Greatsby
June 21, 2011
I would also prefer being in the same room as a bunch of crying babies over being in the same room as a clown.
writerdood
June 20, 2011
I love clowns, but I only find them funny when they’re doing something un-clownish. In general, when they’re trying to be funny, they’re not. But when you see some guy in a clown suit outside a laundrymat cursing at the top of their lungs because they just left a container of makeup in with their clothing, that I find funny. Or when you see a car accident and one of the guys is a clown and they’re arguing madly with the other guy, that’s funny. Or when you go to a gun range and the dude with the biggest pistol is in clown makeup and he’s blasting away at targets of Ronald McDonald, that’s funny. When they squirt you in the face with a flower? That’s not funny at all.
The Good Greatsby
June 21, 2011
I absolutely agree. A clown pretending to get punched by me isn’t nearly as funny as a clown actually get punched by me.
educlaytion
June 20, 2011
I am dying! Not from clown murder or anything, just from your humor. If I ever go insane I hope I end up like you.
The Good Greatsby
June 21, 2011
I don’t support clown murder in any way, shape, or form, although I’ve often hinted I would be happy if all clowns disappeared. I hope nobody misconstrues my comments.
Girly
June 21, 2011
Is this your way of asking if anyone will hide a body or provide an alibi?
pegoleg
June 20, 2011
Apparently clowns are the last special interest group to organize, to demand respect and tolerance, and have “I’m a Clown, You’re a Clown” sensitivity training be mandatory in schools.
That first picture is giving me a serious case of the creeps.
The Good Greatsby
June 21, 2011
Clowns will never organize because I’m pretty sure clowns can’t stand to be in the same room as other clowns either.
girlonthecontrary
June 20, 2011
I think we are all missing the bigger picture here- What the hell was a cop doing dressed as a clown???! What kind of undercover operation was going on? Was he trying to bust the case of the missing pinata candy wide-open? Or was he trying to find out who assaulted Barney after a kids birthday party? Seriously, what the hell?
The Good Greatsby
June 21, 2011
Maybe another clown reported trying to pull coins out of kids’ ears but the coins were missing.
Sendintheclowns
June 21, 2011
Isn’t he rich? Are they a pair? Please take your hands out right now and put them in the air….
The Good Greatsby
June 21, 2011
I would become nervous something bad was going to happen just as soon as I heard the first line of that creepy song.
spilledinkguy
June 21, 2011
I thought clown guns were only loaded with ‘BANG’ flags.
The Good Greatsby
June 21, 2011
That’s probably why the robber didn’t take him seriously and ended up getting shot.
manneredgold
June 21, 2011
Weeds, Ssn 5, Ep 3.: One of the (hysterical) main characters is repeatedly called “payaso” (clown) by various Spanish-speaking villians. “Why is that the worst thing you people can call me?” Excellent question, yet seemingly obvious. (side note: Don’t watch five seasons of Weeds with your spouse over the course of 2 months. It leads to a dark place…PLUS clowns.)
The Good Greatsby
June 21, 2011
Are you saying I shouldn’t watch Weeds at all or I shouldn’t watch five seasons in two months or I should never watch it with my spouse?
Todd Pack
June 21, 2011
I’m not afraid of clowns. I’m afraid of the kind of idiot who’d rob a clown.
jacquelincangro
June 21, 2011
Maybe the robber should have waited to see how many clowns fit into a VW and THEN tried to steal their money. Would have made it harder for the clowns to reach for their guns.
Cheryl P.
June 21, 2011
You visited me, so I came to visit you. Over at my blog we were discussing what is funny….
THIS IS FUNNY…REALLY CLEVER AND FUNNY
torcon1
June 21, 2011
My fear of clowns is so palatable that I’m even afraid of Judy Collins who first sang, “Send in the Clowns.”
Last Wednesday, I posted a Top-10 List: ” Creepiest Clowns Ever” that seems appropriate to share given the nature of this discussion.
http://torconsblog.blogspot.com/2011/06/top-10-list-creepiest-clowns-ever.html
Ahmnodt Heare
June 21, 2011
Never trust a man who wears red shoes and more makeup than most women not named Joan Rivers.
Invisible Mikey
June 21, 2011
Bozo, who you’ve pictured here, was especially distorted and creepy, as was his low-rent knockoff Ronald McDonald. However, I like creepy. I’m funny that way. But some people would see a guy dressed like that and feel that “He had it comin’.” – whatever “it” is. I wouldn’t assume robbers choose their targets for smart reasons, like they might have loot. I bet it’s more like, “I could take him.”
The Good Greatsby
June 21, 2011
Probably true. At least that’s the reason I only rob animals.
amblerangel
June 21, 2011
This reminds me of the clown dad in the old Walmart commercial stepping on the unicorn, screaming bloody murder, thus creating a room of screaming crying birthday party kids. It was hilarious- someone at Walmart also agrees Clowns are scary. I can’t figure out how to post the video. Dang it….
frigginloon
June 21, 2011
Nothing more scarier than a cop dressed in clown clothing 😦
EllieAnn
June 21, 2011
“Hold still while I tie your shoes together.” That’s my favorite. So funny! I loved doing that to others when I was…younger.
Jess Witkins
June 21, 2011
After the initial frightening shock of that creepy clown face popping up on my screen, I eventually started laughing and called a friend to read this aloud to her. She HATES clowns, and there’s photographic evidence her childhood bedroom was decorated with them.
What a wonderfully funny post, except of course, if you’re the mugger who was shot, but like you said, he wasn’t a very good mugger.
Kim
June 21, 2011
Know what’s worse than a clown… a Clown Marionette!!! UGH!
Binky
June 21, 2011
This incident marks the beginning of the rise of the clowns. They’ve been trying to take over the world for a long time, and now that they’re armed, they’re going to implement their plan. Beware, everyone!
Deb the Closet Monster
June 21, 2011
This post is 1,000 times funnier than the funniest clown I’ve ever seen. Granted, I’d much rather see a clown than a ventriloquist dummy. Whose bright idea were those? *shudder*
lovelyshadesofnostalgia
June 21, 2011
Clowns and ventriloquist dummies. . .Two. Worst. Things. What’s even worse? A clown ventriloquist dummy.
Olivia K
June 21, 2011
My husband is okay with clowns, but really hates puppets. He was banned from Catholic Sunday School when he tried to choke puppet Jesus and gave puppet Moses a black eye. He was six. Lucky for me, I leave for work while he is still sleeping. Just for kicks I occasionally leave a puppet on the pillow next to him. Pretty sure it’s what keeps us married . . . my great sense of humor I mean.
infinite monkey theorem
June 21, 2011
I pulled up next to a clown in traffic a few days ago. The only time in my life that they have ever made me laugh. She didn’t seem to appreciate my response. Seems they have rules about being laughed at!
lovelyshadesofnostalgia
June 21, 2011
I’m forever traumatized by the first photo, which I wasn’t expecting to pop out at me. I suppose it’s my own fault, I mean, the title gave it away. Clowns are awful. And as Deb stated, ventriloquist dummies. Ugh.
berettaluvz26
June 21, 2011
Dammit, now I want to watch Bozo’s… whatever that show was called. I always wanted to be one of the adorable little kids who just stepped over the line to put the balls in the buckets. Unfortunately, they frowned upon that when 12 year olds did it. I assume they would have, anyway. Nazi bastards never pulled my postcard.
Aaaaaaaaaaand this is why I shouldn’t comment on blogs at 4 am. Haha, oops.
tinkertoot
June 21, 2011
Don”t for one moment forget everyone’s favorite hate clown IT…and the one in the 80’s movie poltergeist…. Everyone i know hates clowns too – strange thing…
amelia
June 22, 2011
I don’t really hate clowns.
But then again, my grandmother was a clown, so I have pretty nice feelings associated with them. 🙂
I’m printing this out to show to her — this is the kind of thing she gets a kick out of!
Julee Celeste
June 23, 2011
Oh, sick! But so funny!
the master
June 23, 2011
There was a fantastic clown round my way when I was a kid. I’ll never forget how impressed I was when he made my friend’s little sister disappear. Despite an exhaustive police search, they never did find her.
writerwoman61
June 28, 2011
My oldest daughter is petrified of clowns…she especially hates the Burger King guy…she finds him creepy! I wasn’t freaked out by them until I read Stephen King’s “It”…now, I’m not a fan!
Wendy
Hannah Miller
July 1, 2011
Deep thought from Jack Handy (one of the best): “To me, clowns aren’t funny. In fact, they’re kind of scary. I’ve wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.”