Playboy Bunny Hops Away

Posted on June 18, 2011


Perhaps you’ve heard the news that 85-year-old Playboy founder, Hugh Hefner, was left by his 25-year-old fiance, Crystal Harris, only five days before the wedding.  She felt terrible about calling the wedding off on such short notice, and in her defense, she did try and tell him every day for a month:

“I’m sorry, Hugh.  I can’t marry you.”
“What?  Speak louder!”
“What?  Speak up!  Speak right into my ear!”

She also tried writing out the break-up message for him, but he could never find his glasses, although they were always on a chain around his neck.

Crystal said about the break-up, “I’ll always love, Hugh.  He was so romantic and thoughtful, always giving me gifts of hard candy or sometimes a card with $10 inside.”

When asked his feelings on the break-up, Hugh replied, “What?  What?  Where am I?”

A tearful Crystal replied, “I really thought he was the guy I was going to spend the rest of the year with.”

Hugh answered, “What?  What?  Get off my lawn!”

My heart breaks that things didn’t work out for these two.  I’m a romantic at heart, and I really felt these two were going to make it.  Theirs seemed like such a fairy tale romance, like Snow White or Cinderella or what’s that fairy tale about the pornographer prince who dies of old age a month after the wedding?

How sad for Hugh Hefner to be looking all his life and to think he had finally found the soul mate he was going to spend the rest of his remaining six months with.  I sure hope Hugh will be able to meet somebody else.  It’s sad to think of him spending his golden years alone instead of enjoying evenings with a loving wife by his side, gazing into his eyes, holding his hand, and taking his pulse to make sure he’s not dead.

Crystal taking a pulse.

Maybe Hugh still has some time left to find the twenty-something woman he deserves, someone with whom he can enjoy all the classic couples activities like long walks on a wheelchair accessible beach; weekend drives through the country-side at 15 mph; candlelight 4:00PM dinners; romantic therapeutic massages; and intimate mouth-to-mouth contact while she performs CPR.

Too bad for Hugh, but rumors continue that he never intended to propose to Crystal and had merely gotten down on one knee because his hip had broken.