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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »humor«
You’re Welcome, Mom
Parents are supposed to love all their children equally, but my siblings and I knew our parents had favorites. They always said they loved us the same, and they tried not to let their favoritism show, but still, we all knew…because we listened at the door on Mother’s Day as they criticized the cards we […]
If You Want to be Impressed, Always Call Before Dropping in on the Johnsons
May 5, 2011
“Oh, you’re in the neighborhood and wanted to drop in. That’s fine. We’ll see you in ten minutes.” “But I’m just around the corner. I can be there in three.” “But still, we’ll see you in ten minutes.” I shout out to my wife and two sons, “Ten minutes, team! We’ve got ten minutes to […]
Princess Beatrice’s Fascinator
May 4, 2011
For those of you who said you had zero interest in the Royal Wedding, this is what you missed: Those who missed the wedding coverage in favor of your local bar’s giant hat drinking game will be sorely disappointed by the irony. Millions spent on the wedding of the decade, the whole world watching, and […]
Tough Love Friendship to Distract Your Recently Dumped Girl Friend
May 3, 2011
Question for women: What do you do when your girlfriend just got dumped and she’s feeling terrible? How can you cheer her up and help her forget the breakup? You could suggest the cliche “let’s eat a gallon of ice cream and a tube of Tollhouse cookie dough”, but is gaining three pounds going to […]
Where were you when Osama Bin Laden died of boredom while watching Vin Diesel’s Fast Five at a celebration party for William and Kate’s royal wedding?
May 2, 2011
In recent days we’ve experienced three historical events most people will remember their whole lives: 1. The killing of Osama Bin Laden 2. The royal wedding of William and Kate 3. The debut of the fifth Fast and The Furious film as the top movie over the weekend with $83.6 million–maybe not historically significant today, […]
The Search Engine Oracle Has Spoken
April 30, 2011
Bloggers receive a list of search terms that lead viewers to their sites. I assume most people who find my site through a search engine did not find what they were looking for because I have a lot of posts offering satirical advice. If fifty search engine viewers come to the site each day, I […]
How to Make Rich Celebrity Friends at William and Kate’s Wedding
April 29, 2011
Somehow you’ve snagged an invite to rub shoulders with the rich and the famous at the wedding of the decade. Your friends are impressed, but you don’t care because those were your old, poor, not-David-Beckham friends, because the royal wedding invite is the beginning of your ascension into the upper crust of people who are […]
Your William and Kate Royal Wedding Etiquette Guide
April 28, 2011
I checked my mailbox every day, but the invitation to William and Kate’s wedding never arrived. I assume my name was on the bubble, but when Elton John heard about my ability to turn every wedding reception into Paul’s personal karaoke party he was afraid I’d steal some of his thunder. Still, I’m excited for […]
Practical Jokes that Go too Far–Part 3
April 27, 2011
If you read my previous two posts Practical Jokes that Go Too Far Part 1 and Part 2, you remember my friend Todd was the frequent target of my pranks, and a profoundly poor sport. Many readers had a hard time believing Todd would still be my friend after tricking him into believing: 1. His […]
Waste Your Time Reading About Time-Wasting Robots
April 26, 2011
Read aloud in an ominous voice: The time-wasting robot invasion is at hand. First we were told robots would be our servants and make modern living easier, allowing humans more free time for recreation and family. And how did we spend this free time? I spent it watching TV and movies about people recreating and […]
New Holiday Mascots Who May Give the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus a Run for Their Money
April 25, 2011
Listen up, second-tier holidays! If you want to be successful, you’ve got to get your holiday a Santa or an Easter Bunny. Hey Arbor Day, how come nobody remembers your holiday’s date, but kids count down the whole year to Christmas even though there are way more trees than Christians in the world? You know […]
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