If you read my previous two posts Practical Jokes that Go Too Far Part 1 and Part 2, you remember my friend Todd was the frequent target of my pranks, and a profoundly poor sport.
Many readers had a hard time believing Todd would still be my friend after tricking him into believing:
1. His wife died in a car accident.
2. His wife had terminal cancer.
3. His wife was having an affair.
In my defense:
1. His wife didn’t really die in a car accident. That’s why it’s funny, Todd. If she had actually died, I agree that would definitely be too far.
2. The word terminal is confusing and should not be used at airports if it also has a deadly connotation.
3. He still doesn’t know the affair hoax was my doing because I held my tongue after he stabbed the Francisco from Diego’s deli. Francisco is the one with the legitimate right to be angry, not Todd.
It’s funny people should question why Todd would still be my friend because Todd also says we’re no longer friends, but I know his extended silent treatment is merely his way of joking and getting back at me. I’ve been a good sport and made a great effort to show better humor than Todd by laughing at his elaborate efforts to pretend he never wants to see me again. I chuckle every time he changes his phone number, blocks my email address, or takes out a restraining order. Way to go all out, Todd! It couldn’t have been cheap to hire an actor who looks exactly like our county judge and build a full-scale replica of our local courthouse and jail. I can’t wait to hear him explain how he did it.
I’m certainly showing a better sense of humor than Todd did in response to the following practical jokes:
Do exactly as I say or you’ll never see your kids again!
What’s the harm in “kidnapping” Todd’s kids on the way home from school and taking them for ice cream while their parents scramble to meet the demands of a joke ransom note? The kids were never in any danger. Why isn’t this funny?
Breaking News: Santa Claus is dead.
A professional looking fake news report requires a lot of money, and I was expecting more gratitude from Todd’s kids for all my trouble. The budget ballooned when I filmed a couple news reports to go before and after the “Santa is Dead” story for more credibility instead of turning on the TV right at the beginning of the Santa piece. The master touch came when the Santa report segued perfectly into a cheerful fluff piece about an animal fashion show.
There’s no easy way to tell you this, but your wife’s been murdered.
Maybe it’s funny if you just wrap police tape around Todd’s house and ask a buddy on the police force to hold him back while yelling, “You don’t want to see her like that!” But it’s definitely not funny to have him go to the morgue to identify Donna’s dismembered body and when the officer pulls the sheet back it’s an elderly hobo. I saw Todd’s face on the surveillance camera and he definitely wasn’t laughing. You’d think he would be happy to find out his wife was still alive, but he didn’t even smile.
Read Practical Jokes that Go too Far–Part 1 here.
Read Practical Jokes that Go too Far–Part 2 here.
The Good Greatsby 
carldagostino
April 27, 2011
The “ex” wife has been murdered. Now that is funny. And liberating. But cruel as well when discovered not to be true. Still get an occasional threatening letter from the ex’s lawyer. The divorce was in 1984, good God. I once had my students do a kidnap letter with mag word cutouts. They were far below grade level and non- performers. The kids loved the assignment and I had 100% participation. I was astonished on their creativity and “professional” kidnapper style of writing. Despite motivating these under achievers to “write” I almost lost my job. They tried to get me when I taught kids math using the daily racing form to bet and the next day’s results report on the horses to keep their gambling account. Sheesh. What ever happened to creative teaching.
The Good Greatsby
April 27, 2011
It’s important to teach kids how to write a ransom note. They may only write one in their entire life, and it’s important that they get it right.
Laura
April 28, 2011
I would have loved to have been in your class. I once had a final exam in college where one of the questions was how to steal money from an ATM (sadly, the question related to a poorly-designed hypothetical ATM, not the one found at the local bank).
berettaluvz26
April 28, 2011
I would have aced that test!
Invest in a set of Jaws of Life and a truck that can withstand a little force. Wait for a stormy night. The stronger the storm, the better. In the midst of the storm, ram the truck through the wall/front window of a gas station. Use the Jaws to open up the ATM.
Bonus? The police won’t check out the alarm right away because they’ll think the storm tripped it.
My neighbor was telling us about a robbery that went down like this– they got two gas stations in the same night! They deserved the money for creativity.
accidentalstepmom
April 28, 2011
I want to be in your class now. Maybe my slacker #1 would actually graduate this year if she had a teacher like that. On another note, Todd totally has to find me a new place to get an egg salad now that the deli is closed. It’s his fault.
Spectra
April 27, 2011
Seriously, Todd is lucky to have you as a friend. I mean, just look at all the attention you pour out to him.
And now, even his kids are getting a share.
I’ll call it what it is: It’s damn generous of you, that’s what!
The Good Greatsby
April 27, 2011
I always enjoy hearing from someone who sees things exactly like I do.
savesprinkles1234
April 27, 2011
Only a true friend would take the care that you did in choosing, cutting out and pasting such aesthetically pleasing letters for a ransom note. If my kids were stolen I could only hope for a note of this quality. It’s frame-worthy. Well played.
The Good Greatsby
April 27, 2011
Exactly. I could have outsourced the letter to someone else, but I wanted to make sure it was done right.
Meet the Buttrams
April 27, 2011
Wait, so he stabbed Francisco, or his deli? I’ve never seen someone stab a deli, I’m pretty sure I’d pay (a small amount of) money to see that happen.
The Good Greatsby
April 27, 2011
He literally stabbed Francisco, but figuratively stabbed the deli since it went out of business as a result of the bad publicity.
Brown Road Chronicles
April 27, 2011
Man, that Todd guy… sounds like a real dick! I don’t know why you would continue to hang out with him.
The Good Greatsby
April 27, 2011
He’s lucky I’m the type who overlooks a friend’s extreme shortcomings.
jacquelincangro
April 27, 2011
What is “too far” anyway? A highly subjective term, if you ask me.
The Good Greatsby
April 27, 2011
I agree. If you can’t explain it mathematically, we’ll have to agree to disagree.
justjotter
April 27, 2011
My opinioin of this is that you need to find friends who appreciate your awesomeness. I agree with Brown Road Chronicles: Todd is a dick.
This may be an idea for your next “practical joke that has gone too far” for the undeserving Todd:
Write an op-ed in the paper exposing Todd as the local Bernie Madoff (after exposing his scheming to his wife, causing her to put his ever move under the microscope). Rent an over-the-top Maserati or Ferrari and park it in Todd’s driveway. Order expensive suits and have them delivered to his home or office. Same with the best caterer in town. And a gaggle of local escorts/strippers. Then just sit back and enjoy the show.
You have more than proven yourself to be an attentive, caring friend. Clearly all of the pratical jokes of this caliber take care and significant planning. Todd needs to get with the program.
The Good Greatsby
April 27, 2011
I’ve been searching for friends who appreciate my awesomeness all my life. If I could find them, I’d drop Todd in an instant.
Todd Pack
April 27, 2011
I think a good practical joke includes a few clues so the victim could figure it out if he’s paying attention. For example, your ransom note. If this other Todd person had given it any thought, he’d have realized that a) real kidnappers would probably just leave a voice mail and b) probably aren’t the kinds of people who’d have a bunch of old magazines and rubber cement lying around to craft such a note, but he didn’t think of these things, and that’s why it’s funny.
The Good Greatsby
April 27, 2011
Todd, you totally get my practical jokes. Makes me think my pranks are wasted on the wrong Todd.
omawarisan
April 27, 2011
This guy is starting to get on my nerves and I don’t even know him. I’m thinking some sort of smoke machine on the roof of the back of his house as he’s coming back from vacation, but he’s not cool enough to handle it.
The Good Greatsby
April 27, 2011
Thanks for taking my side. You’re a much better friend than Todd ever was.
Lori
April 27, 2011
Paul, Todd is obviously a douche if he can’t appreciate your friendship; maybe you should try that old adage….if you love someone, set them free, if they come back they are yours…if not, they never were…….I mean you have to face the dreadful possibility that T has moved on.
Find someone else who can truly value your gift!
The Good Greatsby
April 27, 2011
I’m out to prove I can be a better sport than Todd ever was.
Lenore Diane
April 27, 2011
Your friend Todd. He’s not very bright, is he? I’d be on to you and your practical joke ways after the first two or five jokes.
The Good Greatsby
April 27, 2011
Thanks for taking my side. I’ve given him plenty of chances to appreciate what a good friend I am, and I don’t know how many more chances I can give him.
thelifeofjamie
April 27, 2011
If you get him with the ultimate practical joke- maybe an electric shock, he’ll probably crack this icy exterior and finally show you the laughter which you so deserve!
The Good Greatsby
April 28, 2011
I guess you haven’t heard about the electric chair prank. Todd didn’t like that one either.
lifediscoverer
June 17, 2012
Well then, nothing can heal him.
writerdood
April 27, 2011
Send him a sandwich. Everyone likes sandwiches. But he probably won’t even eat it. I bet he throws it away. Send him a plastic sandwich.
The Good Greatsby
April 27, 2011
I’ll try and use sandwiches in my next prank. It’s about time sandwiches got the credit they deserve.
Renee Davies
April 27, 2011
Do what Bloomberg did to Steve Jobs and get his obituary published prehumously (or prehumorously). Knee-slapping funny! Or just send him a sandwich.
The Good Greatsby
April 27, 2011
I like the prehumous obituary. I’ll try and use this somehow.
Redneckprincess
April 27, 2011
People can be so bloody ungrateful sometimes…you need new friends that appreciate your effort.
The Good Greatsby
April 27, 2011
I love it when people agree with me.
Brown Road Chronicles
April 27, 2011
okay, okay, I know I already commented once, but I’ve been thinking about this all morning, I just can’t seem to get this crazy idea out of my head. Is this so called Todd even a real person… or are you just pulling our legs? Is this just some distorted, twisted practical joke you’re pulling on all us loyal readers who are just innocently trying to waste a little time reading blogs while we are at work. Well, personally I think this time you’ve gone too far. Man, you are one sick fuck!
The Good Greatsby
April 27, 2011
Do you mean I’ve gone too far in my treatment of Todd or do you mean too far in my treatment of readers?
Spectra
April 28, 2011
Hey, Brownie Boy! Watch your language! Mr. G.G. is not sick. Obviously Todd is real, and may I suggest you re-direct your anger at him? He’s the one forcing GG to escalate to higher and more complex schemes. In a way, it is Todd who is sick, because he lacks humor. In the middle ages, they’d send him to the barber shop to be bled by leaches.
bridgesburning
April 27, 2011
Todd is so lucky to have you….can you image how ordinary his life would be without you?
The Good Greatsby
April 27, 2011
I can imagine how ordinary his life would be, and that’s why I keep trying to spice things up.
REscarcega
April 27, 2011
You’re a sick, sick man, Sir! Don’t go changing… (to try and please me) sorry.
The Good Greatsby
April 28, 2011
I won’t go changing to try and please you. If I knew how to change in a way that would satisfy people who keep telling me to change, I would have done it a long time ago.
spilledinkguy
April 28, 2011
I think your friend should commend you on creating a note like this…
finding / cutting out all the appropriate letters requires an almost super-human level of dedication to a joke… kudos, sir! 🙂
The Good Greatsby
April 28, 2011
Todd’s kids spend ten minutes drawing a picture, and it ends up on the refrigerator. I spent six hours making that ransom note, and Todd didn’t even want to keep it as a souvenir of the prank.
cooper
April 28, 2011
and you have not even started to go to town on Todd’s Mom….jeez…what a sourpuss that guy is. why are you friends with him again?
The Good Greatsby
April 28, 2011
If Todd would tell me where she lives I’d be happy to get her involved.
gojulesgo
April 28, 2011
Nothing whatsoever is missing from your awe-inspiring practical jokes, however, I just thought you should know that I would fully support one involving Saran Wrap. I suppose a prankster of your caliber would consider that amateurish. Although not if the Saran Wrap was around the fake cadaver of one of Todd’s children (I say the stinky one). Come to think of it, the possibilities are endless.
The Good Greatsby
April 28, 2011
I’ll try and brainstorm some ideas for taking Saran Wrap to the next level.
madtante
April 28, 2011
Hopefully, you won’t be angered at this post reminding me of something I said at work today that was in incredibly poor humor:
Lady comes in (all coworkers involved in this story and I’ve the least seniority–being here almost 15 years) and asks for ideas for F’s retirement gift. She wanted “a vessel” about “this big” (illustrates with arms).
“A baby coffin!”
.
.
.
That got a “going to vomit” look from a person I consider my friend outside of work. The nastiest/ crassest guy at work groaned, “That’s not at all funny.” The woman who asked shrugged. I told her, “It’s good I can still get a rise out of most people but look how far I have to go?”
To my knowledge, nobody here has suffered the loss of a child. That isn’t anything ANYBODY should joke about … ever. It was a PERFECT opening for creating distress. I’m ashamed of myself; although I did enjoy freaking out people. Sometimes I’m still 12 years old (“What’s grosser than gross?”).
The Good Greatsby
April 28, 2011
That is so painful. The more I think about how painful it sounds, the funnier it seems. I wish I could have seen the looks on their faces.
Laura
April 28, 2011
I’m enjoying the image of a modern-day kidnapper Photoshopping a ransom note out of bits of text from a bunch of websites.
As long as you returned a reasonable percentage of the ransom money, I think Todd was overreacting once again.
The Good Greatsby
April 28, 2011
I had to use most of the ransom money to pay a lawyer, so I don’t know how Todd expects me to pay that money back.
limr
April 28, 2011
I am shocked – SHOCKED – that you have the nerve to torture poor Todd even more than he has already been tortured by being named Todd. And then – THEN – you force him to endure the pain, oh the stinging PAIN, of pouring salt into his festering, gaping wounds and denigrating his good name AROUND THE WORLD!
Shame, thy name is Paul!
Signed,
The Woman Who Gave All Her Students F’s on April Fool’s Day.
The Good Greatsby
April 28, 2011
First you say Todd has a bad name, then you say I’m denigrating his good name. You’re giving me mixed signals.
limr
April 29, 2011
Don’t you deflect the blame on me!
Sandi Ormsby
April 28, 2011
If only the kids can play along and not flub it up…
reminds me of the scene with Eddie Murphy in Beverly Hills cop-
“They aren’t just cops, they’re super cops…I had a perfectly good lie going and you f’d it up.”
Sandi
http://www.ahhsome.wordpress.com
The Good Greatsby
April 29, 2011
I tried to get his kids to play along on a couple jokes in the past, but they were always poor sports.
Amy
April 28, 2011
Todd should have gotten a clue after about the first three or four jokes and stopped falling for your antics again and again. He has to know that he’s just asking for it now. Have you considered that maybe Todd has a learning disability? If so, then that just makes all of this that much funnier!
The Good Greatsby
April 28, 2011
I don’t know whether he has a learning disability, but he may have a sense of humor disability.
frigginloon
April 28, 2011
Todd needs to lighten up.
The Good Greatsby
April 28, 2011
Indeed.
shreejacob
April 28, 2011
I’m afraid I have to say it…..
.
.
.
.
.
.
and one more for good measure
.
Poor Todd!
The Good Greatsby
April 28, 2011
Do you mean “Poor Todd” because of what I’ve done to him or because you feel sorry his lack of humor is preventing him from enjoying life?
Binky
April 28, 2011
The trouble with kidnapping someone’s kids is that if the parents don’t really like them, the whole thing could backfire and you’d be stuck with them. And that wouldn’t be funny at all.
The Good Greatsby
April 28, 2011
I did worry Todd wouldn’t want his kids back, and that’s why I only asked for $10,000 instead of $50,000.
Binky
April 29, 2011
You can have my kids for $5,000.
The Good Greatsby
April 29, 2011
I guess that means I shouldn’t ask for $10,000 in the ransom note when I fake kidnap them.
berettaluvz26
April 28, 2011
Next time? I think you should steal his car. And his house. Put them both in the middle of busy intersection at least 30 minutes away from where he actually lives.
Maybe then he’ll find the humor in your jokes… but I doubt it. The people who have to drive around his house would laugh, though.
The Good Greatsby
April 28, 2011
Todd can’t be so selfish to believe a joke on him is only funny if he thinks it’s funny. Lots of other people have gotten a good laugh from his troubles.
lolaisforlovers
April 28, 2011
Don’t you hate when people have no sense of humor? Todd and my roommate could be best friends! They just don’t take jokes.
The Good Greatsby
April 28, 2011
I wish Todd and your roommate really were best friends so you could help me find Todd’s phone number and new email address.
lolaisforlovers
April 28, 2011
I just feel like they’d get along great since they both seem to be really good at the silent treatment.
educlaytion
April 29, 2011
You know the irony of all these wasted jokes? He won’t even believe you when you finally write him a note to say you can be friends anymore because he has zero sense of humor.
The Good Greatsby
April 29, 2011
I’d consider writing him that note, but I wouldn’t know where to send it because Todd left town, and I can’t seem to locate him.