Subscribe:
RSS feed
Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »humor«
A Letter to Donald Trump from the Rich People Conspiracy
Dear Donald Trump, It pains me to write this letter, old chum, especially after the top notch weekend we spent throwing champagne bottles at poor people in Central Park and paying homeless men to kiss, but the vast Rich People Conspiracy asked me to express our concerns. Here’s the predicament, old bean: You’re embarrassing all […]
Godmother Gaga
May 17, 2011
Did you hear Elton John and husband David Furnish recently adopted a son, Zachary? And did you hear they named Lady Gaga as the baby’s godmother? And did you hear twenty years from now Zachary is in jail? I don’t want to put words in anybody’s mouth, but I believe I can safely say, “Great […]
Unromantic Gestures
May 16, 2011
One of my favorite memories of my wife occurred when we were driving back from a weekend vacation in Dresden while living in another part of Germany. We shared the drive together with three German friends, and the friend sitting next to my wife got a phone call from her boyfriend and they conversed for […]
Charmed, I’m Sure
May 15, 2011
Did you miss my performance as Sebastian in the recent production of Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night? If so, let me be the first to mention I did not receive a single negative review. I didn’t receive a single positive review either, but who’s counting? Besides my wife. There were six reviews in local magazines and entertainment […]
See you in hell, printer!
May 14, 2011
Yesterday I fulfilled one of my lifelong dreams and threw my printer out the window. All my life I’ve wanted to toss a printer out the window as a lesson and a warning to other printers: I will no longer put up with your blinking lights, paper jams, misaligned printing, and constant requests for new […]
You just got Houdini’ed!
May 13, 2011
I woke up this Friday the 13th haunted by the image of Harry Houdini. Before you look at the picture below, I must warn you there is a very good chance you will be entranced by Houdini’s hypnotic eyes, and it’s possible you won’t be able to look away–ever! This drawing was created by SpilledInkGuy […]
Leaving on a Low Note
May 12, 2011
This past week I’ve been thinking a lot about endings in life, and the following three proverbs came to mind: All good things must come to an end. All’s well that ends well. Todd took a fourth piece of pizza even though some people haven’t had any pizza yet. I realize the third proverb may […]
The Blindest Blind Date
May 11, 2011
We’ve all made the mistake of setting up friends on a blind date. You know two single people, you think they would be perfect for each other because they have so much in common–for example, both of them are extremely lonely–and you suggest arranging a blind date to throw the two lonely hearts together. What’s […]
I Have Good News and Bad News
May 10, 2011
If someone says they have good news and bad news and asks which I want to hear first, I always reply, “Give me the good news first,” because there’s always a chance I might die before they get to the bad news. Sometimes you choose hearing the good news first, but the good news also […]
Checkmate, Kindle!
May 9, 2011
My wife and I read a lot. She’s a librarian (of the hot librarian variety). I collect books like an addict, although no books about addiction, and we’re proud of our personal library. We belong to book clubs, attend literary festivals, and can think of no better household decoration than giant stacks of books on […]
Look on the Bright Side, Mom
May 8, 2011
Dearest Mother, On this Mother’s Day, I’d like to make the following confessions while urging you to try and look on the bright side. Confession: Remember how the chandelier over the kitchen table had two broken lights for twenty years? I broke that the day after we moved in by sword fighting with ski poles […]
Mother’s Day Cards from Second-string Children
May 7, 2011
Not all moms are created equal. Most moms try their best, but when you happen to be “accidentally” reading your neighbor’s mail and come across the following Mother’s Day cards, you have good reason to wonder about her mothering abilities.
Recent Comments
Huffington Post Comedy
Five Times:
Columns in Time Out Shanghai Magazine
The Good Greatsby 
May 18, 2011
62