You just got Houdini’ed!

Posted on May 13, 2011


I woke up this Friday the 13th haunted by the image of Harry Houdini.  Before you look at the picture below, I must warn you there is a very good chance you will be entranced by Houdini’s hypnotic eyes, and it’s possible you won’t be able to look away–ever!

This drawing was created by SpilledInkGuy at  I’ve always enjoyed SpilledInkGuy’s kitschy art, but Houdini had an entirely different affect on me.  When I first saw the picture I thought it was good.  After staring at it for two minutes I thought it was great.  But after ninety minutes, I began to worry and sent SpilledInkGuy the following message:

Is it normal for viewers to be unable to break eye contact with your picture of Houdini?
Well done if that was your intent, but I’m a bit worried. It’s been ninety minutes and he shows no signs of weakening.

After six hours, Houdini still had the upper hand–or at least I assume he did because he hadn’t blinked or wet his pants like his opponent–and I was forced to knock the monitor off my desk to break his hold.

Everything was fine after that.  Well, mostly fine, except the ghost of Houdini haunted me for a month.  He appeared to me every night and told me he needed my help to escape from heaven.  I made a couple jokes about the great escape artist being unable to escape, but he didn’t find them funny–I guess humor is much different in heaven because this was solid gold material.  He tried to show me some escapes, but he was a ghost and could walk right through walls anyway, so escaping from a laundry hamper while I sat on it was not very impressive.

Because I knew Houdini’s ghost was always waiting to bother me at home, I started taking long walks at night and spent the time plotting how I could make Houdini’s picture work for me.

This is the finished version. The drawing above was the 'in progress' version.

If I owned this Houdini picture, I would hang it in my home at the top of the stairs.  I would invite my enemies over for a party, and when they rang the doorbell I would shout, “We’re all up here on the second floor.  Come on up.  We’re talking about the weather, and Justin Bieber, and nobody is plotting any kind of revenge.”  My enemies would reach the top of the stairs, take one glance at Houdini and be locked in place by his hypnotic stare.  And that’s when I would jump out of the shadows and push them down the stairs.  “You just got Houdini’ed!”

I wrote out a detailed ‘To Do’ list to bring my plan to fruition:

1. Acquire this drawing from SpillednkGuy
2. Make more enemies

I’ve been pretty busy, and I haven’t been putting in the time necessary to make quality enemies.  I checked my revenge calendar, and I don’t think I have time for any new enemies or vendettas until late summer or the fall.  You never think you have time for revenge, but something about fall and Halloween make me nostalgic for past revenges.  All of a sudden I’m in the mood for revenge, but it’s always too late to put something together.  You have to be thinking of revenge in early summer to make it happen by Halloween.

Here are some enemies I’m considering:

1. A stand up comic.  I’ll stand in the back whenever he comes on stage, hold up my Houdini, and give him stage fright.  You just got Houdini’ed!

2. The Kindle.  I need the Kindle to dislike me as much as I dislike the Kindle in order for us to be true enemies.  I’m working on a virus that will force the Kindle to search the Internet and form vendettas against bloggers who’ve been saying bad things about it.  When I say I’m working on a virus, I really mean I made a note on a slip of paper to find one of those For Dummies books on creating viruses.  I sure hope a virus can be created with Word or Excel because those are the programs I know.

3. Does anybody know Vin Diesel?  If so, could you tell him I’ve been talking trash about him?  Please specify I’m only looking for a vendetta where we talk trash about each other, not where we punch each other.  Prepare to be Houdini’ed, Vin!

4. The song Chopsticks on the piano.  Not sure how to get Chopsticks to dislike me back, but I’m still thinking.

5. Any suggestions for other enemies I should be considering?

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