Not all moms are created equal. Most moms try their best, but when you happen to be “accidentally” reading your neighbor’s mail and come across the following Mother’s Day cards, you have good reason to wonder about her mothering abilities.
Posted in: Kids
The Good Greatsby 
marryin'thelibrarian
May 7, 2011
What do these moms expect when they name their kids Rocco and Fast Eddie, not to mention Todd?
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2011
Mom never anticipated a kid named Fast Eddie would turn to a life of gambling and crime.
Simon
May 10, 2011
Nothing Good
Amanda Hoving
May 7, 2011
Beautiful. I’m tearing up here behind my barricade.
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2011
You’re not missing anything out here in the dangerous, germ-infested world.
ajg
May 7, 2011
The card on the gift I made for my mom in preschool read:
Dear Mom, I love you because you make me macaroni & cheese. – Love, Andrew
I know that sounds self-serving, but I REALLY loved macaroni & cheese.
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2011
Macaroni and cheese doesn’t get the credit it deserves.
Binky
May 8, 2011
Perhaps if he had made the card out of macaroni & cheese. . .
lifeintheboomerlane
May 7, 2011
I’m totally farklempt after reading these. It just totally reinforces that old adage: “Motherhood and high fructose corn syrup and artificial flavors and colors Apple-product Pie.”
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2011
That must be a really, really old adage.
Calhoun
May 7, 2011
Do you know where I can buy some of these?
I was hoping to find a card for my mom
“Dear Mom,
I don’t buy into the religious right’s assertion that you turned me gay. It’s just a happy coincidence that after you, the thought of being touched by another woman does nothing for me.
Sincerely,
Mama’s Little Boy”
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2011
I’m pretty sure Hallmark makes that card.
Meet the Buttrams
May 7, 2011
Stop snooping through my mail.
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2011
If you didn’t want me to read them, why wasn’t your mailbox locked? An unlocked mailbox is like an invitation.
thelifeofjamie
May 7, 2011
Nothing says love like a felony!
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2011
That’s what I always tried to tell my mom.
Renee Davies
May 7, 2011
Rocco, definitely the product of a Mafia upbringing. I think Fast Eddie will make it in life though. Who needs thumbs in the game of life and luck?
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2011
His mom probably hoped Fast Eddie would be fast at sports. She probably had no idea he’d be fast at picking pockets.
berettaluvz26
May 8, 2011
That’s a very interesting family you have next door. Ha!
Shit, I forgot that I’m only entertaining to me before 2 pm.
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2011
We enjoy having them as neighbors because of all the great stories they give us, but we never let them borrow anything.
Laura
May 8, 2011
Dear Mom,
Thank you for everything you’ve taught me. I hope you like the hat — I made it myself, from three layers of tinfoil (as I’m sure you’ve noticed, tinfoil is getting thinner these days, so I don’t think two layers is enough anymore). Meet me for brunch at the usual location.
Don’t forget to burn this card after you read it. (Just kidding! I know you’d never forget to burn it! I love you, Mom).
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2011
Every good mom teaches her kids to make tinfoil hats to protect their thoughts from theft.
spilledinkguy
May 8, 2011
HA!
Opposable thumbs are overrated, anyway.
(I totally typed this with my nose)
🙂
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2011
Absolutely. A lot of the greatest thumb-less artists created their greatest works without thumbs.
Surrey gal
May 8, 2011
How touching! The devotion some of the children have for their mothers….
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2011
They still managed to think of mom, despite their troubles. Or maybe their troubles are what reminded them of mom.
Spectra
May 8, 2011
This just made my day a little brighter. After working on my own post congratulating my mother for giving me all the reasons I needed to stay single and not have kids. I need a special card to express that…
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2011
Hallmark has a line of cards thanking your parents for convincing you not to have kids.
writerwoman61
May 8, 2011
Scott’s note is my favourite…nothing like a helicopter mom…
Wendy
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2011
Nothing worth seeing up there in that tree anyway.
Rachael Black
May 8, 2011
I believe that Scott and Kandi’s moms are my potential grandmother’s. Those two cards really hit home. Just like the bread board (wooden because the plastic type retain germs) that used to paddle my ass.
There is just too much symmetry for these children NOT to be the parents of my own.
As soon as my own daughter gets home from school, scrubs her hands and bookbag with Clorox and we discuss her new step-father (my divorce is final in week. Thank goodness we live in Nevada!) I can send her out to mail my own mother’s day cards.
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2011
Your daughter is lucky to have you as a mother. She may not admit this today or tomorrow or even twenty years from now, but someday she’ll appreciate you.
Jess Witkins
May 8, 2011
LOL. Kandi’s note is my favorite. That’s hilarious! And probably true for some women. And that’s scary. You know, Marie Osmond just re-married her first husband. She’s pretty much the face of stability, if you didn’t know, so I guess it’s all good. 🙂
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2011
Probably not a good idea to teach your daughter to hate men. A good mother allows her daughter to learn to hate men all on her own.
Binky
May 8, 2011
The best advice comes from mothers with a chip on their shoulder.
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2011
Those bitter moms definitely have a unique perspective.
Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom)
May 8, 2011
I was expecting Rocco and the guy at the park to realize they were half-brothers. Not sure what that says about me that I jumped to that conclusion.
It likely says I’m a bad mother. Which is true in some moments.
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2011
Maybe that would have been a better ending. I might go back and change it.
Amy
May 8, 2011
Say what you want, but at least these kids sent cards. They’ve already got me beat. I’m a bad kid. I blame my mom.
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2011
That reminds me, I didn’t send Mom a card either.
Kim
May 9, 2011
Crap… I didn’t either… I did let her buy me lunch yesterday though. 🙂
nursemyra
May 9, 2011
Hmmmm….. I’m lending my eldest son $2000 tomorrow to pay for an accident he had in my car while driving unlicensed. True story.
And I’ve always thought I was a good mum 😦
The Good Greatsby
May 9, 2011
I’m sure you’re a great mom. It’s only the people I don’t know who are the bad parents.
TheBigSIL
May 9, 2011
On an aesthetic note, I especially like the fonts you chose to represent the handwriting. Winner!
The Good Greatsby
May 9, 2011
I’m glad someone appreciated the aesthetic because the visual element took way longer than I expected.
the master
May 10, 2011
Ah yes, Mother’s Day Cards. I’ve heard of them.
The Good Greatsby
May 10, 2011
Cards or mothers?
the master
May 10, 2011
Both are concepts I’m… vaguely familiar with.