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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »family«
Things I Can’t Buy One Day After Telling My Wife We Can’t Afford Braces for the Kids
The worst thing is when I tell my wife we can’t afford to get the kids braces, and then the very next day I see a deal on something I’ve always wanted and she gives me a dirty look when I come home with any of the following: A walk-in humidor. Braces for my mistress’ […]
Cutting the Cheese is a Cinnamon for Passing Gas
February 18, 2012
A Sentence Parsing: How can children seem so very smart and so very not smart at the same time? I’ve developed an elaborate system for quantifying my children’s statements to determine whether I should be worried or not. I applied this system to the following: At the dinner table Optimist Prime asked Mrs. Greatsby to […]
Fonz and Whatshername Sitting in a Tree: Part 3
February 14, 2012
This might surprise you, but I tend to joke around a lot with my kids. They rarely believe anything I say because I give parenting advice with the same straight face in which I give zombie-escape-route advice–all while wearing a smoking jacket and pretending to smoke a pipe. But I have given the kids a […]
The Fonz Makes Three Fashion Choices in Hopes of Impressing a Girl
February 11, 2012
If you’ve followed each stage of The Fonz’s budding romance with Whatshername, you’ll remember the fateful moment when she complimented his funny clothes, probably without appreciating the impact her remark would have on the over-confidence portion of his brain, the flamboyance of his future outfits, or his parents’ efforts to move up the ladder of […]
Inspiring the Next Generation of Writers: A List of My Demands
February 9, 2012
Last week I received an invitation to speak to a group of local students about writing. Maybe the students were fans of this blog. Or maybe they heard about all the exciting writing projects I have going on. Or maybe my ten-year-old son was in the class and my wife was the school librarian. Regardless […]
Two Pictures of the Boys
February 4, 2012
The Fonz didn’t need any encouragement regarding his fashion choices. We were right to be worried when he came home and told us Whatshername had remarked, “I really like your funny clothes.” That’s all the permission he’ll ever need to wear anything he wants for the rest of his life. This is what he wore […]
Fonz and Whatshername Sitting in a Tree: Part 2
February 2, 2012
Many readers have been on the edge of their seats waiting for an update on my seven-year-old’s love life. When I say ‘many readers,’ I can’t think of any specific examples, but I’m assuming single men willing to try anything, in particular, are curious whether The Fonz’s non-sequiturs and cape-wearing might actually work. (Read the […]
Date Night with the Greatsbys
January 27, 2012
The Fonz and Optimist Prime spent the evening at a dinner party with some of their friends. Actually, the party was described as a movie night, but I prefer to think this was a cover for their higher-brow plans to discuss this month’s New Yorker and the finer points of tying a cravat. Hopefully once […]
Boredom-Busting Board Games for Kids
January 25, 2012
The Fonz and Optimist Prime are always making up new games. They spend hours and hours discussing the rules, coloring and cutting out game boards and game pieces, telling their dad this will be the greatest game ever, and arguing over which one of them contributed 51% or more to the idea and deserves to […]
Weekend Silent Sampler
January 21, 2012
On Wednesday Optimist Prime took a vow of silence. He was reading a book about a girl with disabilities who couldn’t speak and he wanted to understand what that was like. I wonder if the girl in the story had a little brother like The Fonz who begged her to talk the entire time. If […]
Fonz and Whatshername Sitting in a Tree
January 20, 2012
In last Saturday’s post I shared the story of The Fonz returning from Christmas break and discovering a new Italian girl enrolled in the second grade. Her addition to the second grade seemed to coincide with The Fonz asking me a lot of questions about girls and what age people start dating. I explained the […]
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February 21, 2012
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