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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »family«
Dear Mr. Foosball
Dear Mr. Foosball, I recently ordered a foosball table from your company. It was delivered and assembled while I was at work and now that I’ve had some time to look it over I worry it may be inappropriate for our children. Here are my concerns: 1. Why aren’t any of the players smiling? We […]
There’s No Such Thing as a Stupid Question, Except ‘What’s a Question?’
August 20, 2012
When you grow older some truisms and sayings seem to crumble under scrutiny. I remember teachers always saying, “There’s no such thing as a stupid question.” Of course as an adult I’ve realized not only is there such thing as a stupid question, but in reality most questions turn out to be stupid. I now […]
Welcome to Hogwarts!
July 18, 2012
My eleven-year-old Optimist Prime is a huge Harry Potter fan, having finished the series for the fifth time just last week. If you’re familiar with the series, you know that eleven is the age Harry received a letter informing him he wasn’t an ordinary human (muggle) but was a wizard who had been accepted to […]
Make Your Own Summer Camp
July 16, 2012
My wife is traveling for a couple weeks and I’m searching for ideas to occupy the kids that don’t violate my wife’s list of forbidden activities: TV Video games Crime We wanted to send them to a summer camp but decided against it when we learned they cost money, and I’ve resorted to finding alternative […]
Summer Break is Breaking My Spirit
July 10, 2012
Well, we’re a month into the kids’ summer vacation and that means I’ve started 30 straight mornings asking the mirror why kids get a summer vacation. Why do kids get time off? They’re just going to forget half the stuff they learned during the previous year. They’ll waste at least a month of the new […]
The Prime Minister’s Literal Pub Crawl
June 20, 2012
The British Prime Minister, David Cameron, was recently embarrassed upon the revelation he had left his 8-year-old daughter behind after the family visited a pub. Apparently two of his children rode in one car with Cameron’s wife and his wife assumed the 8-year-old was riding in a second car with the Prime Minister. You may […]
My Son, the Model Student
June 18, 2012
Last week my wife filled out a form for our kids’ applications to a new international school they’ll attend in the fall. I was eager to help and filled out a page for our eight-year-old son, The Fonz. When my wife saw my answers she took the rest of the packet away from me. 1. […]
An Interview with Optimist Prime–Part 2
June 8, 2012
Yesterday we attended Optimist Prime’s graduation from elementary school. He’s growing up so fast. It seems like only a year ago he was a year younger than he is now. And it seems like only yesterday when I made that same joke to him at his elementary school graduation. He’s only ten but he just […]
Optimist Prime Accomplishes Lifelong Dream at 10
May 21, 2012
Optimist Prime played his first American football game yesterday. Ever since he was a kid at the young age of 8, he’s dreamed of being a quarterback, and now that dream came true at 10. I wish my dreams had come true at 10 so I could have taken the last two decades off. He […]
If Only The Fonz Studied Chinese as Much as He Studied Comedy
May 16, 2012
The Fonz is a student of comedy. His mom and I have literally told him over 500 times to clear his plate when he leaves the table and he never seems to hear, but when I give him advice on timing, presentation, or reading the room, his eyes focus, his head nods, and I can […]
Busting the Baby Boom
May 2, 2012
I like kids but I don’t like babies. Babies have always struck me as insincere, like cats. Babies and cats are both cute but you get the feeling the cuteness is all an act to trick you into feeding them and overlooking their ruining of leather furniture. When a friend visits our house with a […]
Let Me Be Your Motivational Antagonist
April 30, 2012
It’s kind of a big day around here. After three long years, and an immeasurable amount of hours not paying enough attention to me and not giving me enough compliments, my wife finished her masters thesis. We’ve been celebrating all day as though Mrs. Greatsby had accomplished something significant, although I feel I’m the one […]
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August 31, 2012
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