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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All Posts filed under »Columns«
Dear Moon: My Patience Wanes Thin
Dear Moon, This is the last straw. I’ve long looked upon you with suspicion, Moon. My wife could never understand why I considered you an enemy, no matter how many times I told her, “The moon may seem bright and shiny, but there’s also a dark side of the moon.” I recently read an article […]
3 Bedrooms, 2 Baths, 1 Dungeon
March 5, 2012
I read an article outlining some of the home renovations and additions that can actually decrease home value instead of increasing it. The article offered the examples of swimming pools and extensive, complicated landscaping as additions that may only appeal to a small segment of buyers. Because I assume the article had limited space and […]
The Fonz’s Dental Dilemma
March 3, 2012
Mrs. Greatsby and I have a different perspective on taking the kids to the dentist. When the kids saw the dentist last week and she insisted the boys needed thousands and thousands of dollars of dental and orthodontic work, my wife immediately scheduled follow-up appointments. But when I see a dentist I see a person […]
8 Activities for a Memorable Leap Day
February 29, 2012
#1 Go to a local bar and make friends with all the people celebrating a birthday. These new friends will quickly replace your old friends when you realize you only have to get them a birthday gift once every four years. (Note: I met my friend Arran for lunch to celebrate his leap year birthday, […]
Haikuing Your Way to Success
February 28, 2012
If you’re anything like me, most of your New Year’s resolutions focus on ways to impress others. And when I say ‘others’, of course I mean rich people. And when I say ‘rich people’, of course I mean people who are rich because they were paid handsomely for being good looking. Every year when I […]
The Gift is in the Mail
February 25, 2012
I’ve traveled all over China and I keep seeing the same placards to signify Men’s Restroom: And Women’s Restroom: But aren’t these two signs just a little bit sexist? Can’t a women smoke a pipe? And can’t a man use a high-heeled shoe to break open a coconut? ….. Only one day left to submit […]
The Good Greatsby’s One Year Blogaversary Spectacular
February 22, 2012
If you liked The Good Greatsby this past year, you should know I was barely even trying. If you didn’t like The Good Greatsby this past year, you should know I was barely even trying. If you’re not a good judge of quality and can’t tell whether The Good Greatsby is good or bad, but […]
Things I Can’t Buy One Day After Telling My Wife We Can’t Afford Braces for the Kids
February 21, 2012
The worst thing is when I tell my wife we can’t afford to get the kids braces, and then the very next day I see a deal on something I’ve always wanted and she gives me a dirty look when I come home with any of the following: A walk-in humidor. Braces for my mistress’ […]
Cutting the Cheese is a Cinnamon for Passing Gas
February 18, 2012
A Sentence Parsing: How can children seem so very smart and so very not smart at the same time? I’ve developed an elaborate system for quantifying my children’s statements to determine whether I should be worried or not. I applied this system to the following: At the dinner table Optimist Prime asked Mrs. Greatsby to […]
Pop Some Champagne for My New Domain
February 17, 2012
In celebration of my one year blogaversary, WordPress wanted to get me a little special something and offered to give me a free domain name if I gave them a little something special in the form of money to renew and update my WordPress features. After searching GoDaddy.com for BradPitt.com, Brangelina.com, and CambodianBoyAngelinaAdopted.com (in case […]
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The Good Greatsby 
March 8, 2012
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