I believe it was either Jesus or Taylor Swift who said, ‘The haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.’
There are two types of people in this world: those who love Taylor Swift, and haters.
There are two types of people in this world: those who love Cam Newton, and haters.
There are two types of people in this world: those who love Caitlyn Jenner, and haters.
There are two types of people in this world: those who hate haters, and haters.
Sometimes I wonder, If I’m successful, why don’t I have more haters? I get a lot of eye rolls, blank stares and general indifference, but very little hatred. Sometimes I send people Facebook messages and Facebook reports the message as ‘Seen’ and I see that person active making comments on other posts, and I feel somewhat dismissed, but never hated.
The media will say you can’t be successful and follow your dreams without attracting your fair share of haters. It’s a very easy narrative to frame all of life’s stories and ideas into an eternal struggle between the heroes and their haters. But I worry maybe the idea that everyone must find their passion to be happy and anyone that offers contrary opinions or advice can be dismissed as a hater is an ultimately unsatisfying way of processing life.
Never, ever, ever let all the haters discourage you from pursuing your dreams…
…was the life philosophy of every dictator from Genghis Khan to Stalin.
They say you should always follow your passion, but what if your passion is genocide? Hitler followed his passion. Maybe his high school job counselor should have been more specific.
The media has a very simple cause-and-effect explanation for success/happiness:
Step 1: Find your passion/Be yourself.
Step 2: Your passion and the uniqueness of you will scare the status quo and attract haters. (That’s how you know you’re on the right track.)
Step 3: Prove those haters wrong.
But there’s also an easier, alternative path of inventing haters, citing a handful of Tweets or letters to the editor as evidence of widespread hatred, and claiming that means success and that you’re doing something artistically or socially worthwhile. It’s kind of a chicken or the egg situation. What came first? Did success breed the haters? Or did the haters breed success?
Hollywood loves a hater. I hate that. My son Luke and I have a running joke when I introduce him to one of my friends and I say ‘Luke wants to be a movie director when he grows up,’ and Luke proceeds to invent a long-winded movie pitch with absolutely zero conflict and no antagonist. ‘When this guy was a kid everybody told him he could be an astronaut, and guess what? They were right. He could. He became an astronaut. And he hoped to be selected for an important mission, and guess what? He was. And some other astronauts had hoped to go on the mission and when they weren’t selected they started talking behind his back about how they were disappointed but still happy for him and couldn’t say the process was unfair in any way.’ And Luke will go on and on and on to see how long the adult will listen and be polite before interrupting him.
Isn’t it sad that nobody would watch that movie? Not even Luke. One of the things that make us human is our love of story in all its forms, movies, books, news, but unfortunately there is no story without conflict. The Hollywood executive and the news editor have one very simple question when hearing a story pitch: ‘Who’s the hater?’ There is no conflict without an antagonist, i.e, a hater. So sometimes you have to invent one.
I rarely meet anyone who looks or acts like a hater, but the media says the world is full of them. Sometimes I wonder if maybe, just maybe all the haters don’t actually hate me but just have a different opinion based on reasonable beliefs, different life experiences, education, and values. Maybe there’s a lot less hate than we’ve been led to believe. And if you disagree, well, maybe you’re just a hater.
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If you didn’t hate this post you might enjoy: Keep Drinkin’ the Hateorade: Version 2.0
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I had great shows last weekend featuring for Lynne Koplitz at Stand Up Scottsdale. I’m back for six more shows this weekend for Joe Matarese. Come on through if you’re in the Phoenix area.
The Good Greatsby 
philosophermouseofthehedge
February 17, 2016
Haters: The oddest fads these days. And the strangest measures of success. Language just won’t hold its’ meanings.
The Good Greatsby
February 17, 2016
That’s true. If simple disagreement or a contrary opinion qualify as hatred, what will we call genuine hatred?
Elyse
February 17, 2016
It’s just so easy these days to be a hater. I used to have to work at it.
The Good Greatsby
February 17, 2016
It doesn’t take much to qualify. I guess that’s progress. We live in exciting times.
Mark Petruska
February 17, 2016
Whoa. I just had a thought: if you hate haters, that makes you both a hater and a lover. Right?
Mind blown…
The Good Greatsby
February 17, 2016
Yes, it’s a philosophical conundrum that even flummoxed the great thinkers of ancient Greece. Socrates himself asked, ‘How can a man hate haters without himself being a hater?’ and was unable to provide a convincing answer.
List of X
February 17, 2016
You can salvage Luke’s movie by giving the protagonist’s role to Caitlyn Jenner. Then the haters will be people in the movie theater.
The Good Greatsby
February 17, 2016
That’s brilliant. I’ll be sure you get a co-writer credit.
becomingcliche
February 17, 2016
Little known fact: haters are most easily procured via outlets such as Ebay. That’s where the stars get them. You think they work hard for them, but they actually buy the hate online.
The Beatles said “Can’t Buy Me Love,” but think of all the haters they had. I think back then they had to order their haters through Fingerhut. It’s so much easier now!
The Good Greatsby
February 18, 2016
I tell my kids how hard it was to be a hater when I was a kid but they don’t believe me. When I was a kid if we wanted to write a letter to the editor complaining about stale bread sticks we had to walk ten miles in the snow, uphill, both ways.
elizabethargyropoulos
February 17, 2016
I will hate you, but only if it makes you happy….xo
Loved the piece!
The Good Greatsby
February 18, 2016
I’m conflicted. I don’t like the idea of being hated but it would certainly make me feel more important.
elizabethargyropoulos
February 18, 2016
It is a conundrum…what to do…well, get back to me and let me know- I’m ready to say the word “hater” and feel utterly bourgeois at your request…xo
In My Cluttered Attic
February 17, 2016
Paul, as far as I’m concerned, you’re a success in my book! But I was just wondering; what if there was just a teeny, tiny, smidgen of a little speck of envy in me…you know, masquerading around in me as hate. That wouldn’t make me a hater…would it? Mildly angry perhaps? But a hater, no. I mean, what if I’m only jealous of how successful you are? 😀
The Good Greatsby
February 18, 2016
It’s easier than ever to be a hater. If a smidgen of envy is the most you can do perhaps you should consider seeing a doctor. Perhaps there’s a medication which can unlock your potential for full-on hate.
In My Cluttered Attic
February 18, 2016
And one with plenty of side-effects too. You know, a medication that comes with more lethal side-effects than the smidgen (maybe it’s more like a massive amount of envy) that I suffer from now. I better make an appointment with my doctor right away. How else will the pharmaceutical companies survive? 😀
Yahooey
February 17, 2016
I scored four for four. I am 100% a hater and no worries about self-loathing.
Exile on Pain Street
February 17, 2016
Don’t you worry your pretty head off. If you arrive at successful destination, there’ll be haters on the platform waiting for you. It’s part of the human condition. People are consumed with envy. Even me, if I’m not careful.
I misread your tags as ‘comedy haters.’ It’s not that. It’s ‘comedy, haters.’ I also see your duel spelling of humor/humour. Going for that international audience.
Vanessa-Jane Chapman
February 18, 2016
Mark, can I just say, I regularly have a dual spelling of humor/humour in my categories/tags and you’ve never once commented on it, NOT ONCE! Where do you get off not noticing that on my blog?! (I’m just trying out to see if I can be a hater, but no, I hate it, I hate being a hater. Love you Mark!).
The Good Greatsby
February 18, 2016
I didn’t add ‘humour’ as a tag until an English reader informed me that the British and Australians also had a sense of humour.
Exile on Pain Street
February 18, 2016
Who just told you you can act circles around Helen Mirren? I did. Go ahead. Unload your proper British wrath on me. I can take it.
Vanessa-Jane Chapman
February 18, 2016
And you love it Mark!
Exile on Pain Street
February 18, 2016
I really do. Seriously.
beeblu
February 17, 2016
I’ve never even been trolled; how sad is that?
The Good Greatsby
February 18, 2016
I wish I could make that happen for you. I wouldn’t even know how to start.
Matt
February 17, 2016
The bit about your son pitching the no-conflict screenplay is phenomenal. I’d like to see the looks on all three of your faces while that’s happening.
The Good Greatsby
February 18, 2016
Sometimes we tag team and one person says ‘Guess what?’ and the other person answers the question. We’ve come up with so many incredibly boring but uplifting movies.
zannyro
February 17, 2016
What flavors does Hateorade come in? If it doesn’t come in pink lemonade, then I hate Hateorade. Happy now?
The Good Greatsby
February 18, 2016
Hateorade only comes in green–the color of jealousy.
zannyro
February 18, 2016
Are we talking emerald green or lime green? I hate limes.
The Good Greatsby
February 18, 2016
It’s more of a lime green. Don’t be a hater.
rossmurray1
February 17, 2016
Actually, Hitler’s passion was painting. Then the haters hated his painting. It didn’t end well.
The Good Greatsby
February 18, 2016
I bet social media regrets telling Hitler his paintings had so many haters.
She's a Maineiac
February 17, 2016
(angrily crumpling up screenplay about a nice girl named Darla who happily lives out the rest of her days in Maine eating Doritos and watching Jeopardy in her bathrobe)
Well, I know hate is a strong word… and I do actually hate Taylor Swift so her song is accurate.
The Good Greatsby
February 18, 2016
It’s sad that nobody would watch the happily-ever-after story. Sometimes while drinking a beer, eating chips on my couch and watching TV I experience a sense of complete satisfaction and contentment with my place in the world that trumps any professional or artistic success. Why are we making movies about going to Mars? Mars won’t make you happy. You’ll get to Mars and wish you had some Doritos.
Vanessa-Jane Chapman
February 18, 2016
Damn it, I used up my quota of excellent comment inspiration on Mark up there, now I don’t have anything left to give here on my own comment!
The Guat
February 18, 2016
Well … I do hate … jackass people, mean people, people who are famous for no reason, arrogant people, and fake people. If anybody falls under this category I probably dislike them. I mean there’s really nothing wrong with hating, I feel justified in doing so. Haters are gonna hate, yeah people who are in multiple categories usually say that to help justify their behavior. You don’t have haters trolling you because you don’t fall under any of those categories. You’re a badass funny storyteller and you rock.
Ankur Mithal
February 18, 2016
You have made me question my success. Now I hate myself. Does that mean that now that I hate myself I am a real success?
pegoleg
February 18, 2016
That’s crazy talk – what’s the matter with you? Don’t you know that, especially in this season of “reasoned political debate” (tee hee hee), anyone who disagrees with you only does so because they are a hater?
marymtf
February 20, 2016
There have always been haters but the electronic era in general and anti-social media in particular has brought them out in droves. Be glad you’re not hated.