10:05AM
Hey, babe, waiting to see chiropractor. Guess what? According to People magazine, Kristin Stewart & Rob Pattinson thinking about having baby 🙂 Know U R in meeting but thought you’d want to know. Have good feeling about those 2. Something tells me they’re gonna make it.
10:12AM
Bad news: Rob & Kristin baby article was old copy of People. In following issue broke up 😦 Kristin cheated w old guy, not 1/2 so dreamy as Rob, but equally pale. Even worse, in cheating pictures Kristin hair looked ratty and her skin washed out. She should wear more color. Always had bad feeling about Rob & Kristin. Know U R in meeting but please call to confirm U got message. Worried U might announce Kristin & Rob baby news during meeting and look like idiot.
10:15AM
Next issue People says Rob relying on Reese Witherspoon for support during difficult time. Became friends during Like Water for Elephants filming. Could Rob & Reese power couple be on horizon? Have good feeling about those 2. Have bad feeling about Like Water for Elephants. Glad we didn’t see it.
10:16AM
Sorry! Same article says Reese pregnant and married so Rob & Reese super couple unlikely 😦 Also says Rob deciding whether break up with Kristin. Searching for next copy of People. Tension unbearable! Call when U get this message.
10:17AM
Can’t find most recent People!!!! Receptionist claims it’s on coffee table. I claimed she’s a liar because I’m not blind. Worried another patient took into bathroom. Knocked on bathroom door but no answer. Slipped note under door but no answer. Know your library is 4 elementary kids but do you have People magazine? If so, please leave meeting, check most recent issue 4 me.
10:20AM
Still haven’t heard from U 😦 Trying to distract myself while I wait 2 hear Rob & Kristin news, reading old copy of People. Tom Cruise talks about Katie Holmes keeping him grounded. Have a good feeling about those 2. Think they’re going to make it. Call when you get this!
…..
Click here to vote in the caption contest.
The Good Greatsby 
mimijk
August 23, 2012
How lucky you are to have a spouse who not only keeps you informed but has such good feelings about Hollywood coupledom..
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2012
Our love of pretending to be excited about celebrities keeps us together.
mimijk
August 23, 2012
Makes me feel kinda warm all over.
Michelle Gillies
August 23, 2012
Please keep me posted when you find the most current copy of “People”. I just have to know how whats-his name and whats-her name make out. (Pretty much insert anybody’s name in there and it will always be the same story.)
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2012
I’ll post an immediate update on this blog. Check back every 5 minutes indefinitely.
brownponytail
August 23, 2012
OMG you are the sweetest thing ever!
too cute.
but rob and kristen sucked. he’s way out of her league, both as an actor and as a person.
shame on kirsten. boo.
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2012
He’s totally out of her league. He took a step down to be with her and this is how she repays him?
Evy
August 23, 2012
I know, right?
Eireen
August 23, 2012
I personally know Rob & Kristen and I know all about how their relationship is going. Really, I’m not lying. If your wife pays me 10.000$ I will tell her the latest news about them. Please let me know what she thinks about my proposal. Regards. E.
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2012
I’m not sure my wife will pay, but I might be interested.
Eireen
August 25, 2012
Ahahaha I had read your post so quickly that I thought it was your wife sending you those messages! LOL!
Hippie Cahier
August 23, 2012
Your chiropractor must work out of the back room at my Chinese restaurant.
(For some reason, that strikes me as something you’d get in a fortune cookie. I must be hungry.)
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2012
It does seem oddly specific for a fortune cookie.
HoaiPhai
August 23, 2012
Obviously you made the whole thing up… there was not a single Jennifer Aniston is pining over old beau/seen having intimate dinner with new beau/caught wearing something that my wife would wear celeb update in the entire post.
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2012
But I hear Jennifer Aniston and her new beau are engaged. I have a good feeling about those two.
Soma Mukherjee
August 23, 2012
I always had a bad feeling about the good feeling i had about Rob &Kristin….last heard she has come up with a brand new stunned expression for her next movie and director is having a good feeling about this
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2012
I have a good feeling about your good and bad feelings.
beachesandpeaches
August 23, 2012
Hilarious! What do you think about Michelle Williams and Jason Segal? I have a good feeling about those two!
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2012
I have a good feeling, too, although I reserve the right to change my feeling at a later date.
Curly Carly
August 23, 2012
So funny. You got a genuine LOL out of me, and I don’t throw that term around loosely.
I hope you have an ipad and didn’t have to type that entire string of texts on a phone.
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2012
It’s hard to type all that text into a phone but I’m willing to make the extra effort to keep our relationship strong.
bearmancartoons
August 23, 2012
Lord you sound like my wife. She doesn’t believe any celebrity news until she reads it in People
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2012
Is there a more trusted name in celebrity news?
bearmancartoons
August 24, 2012
National Enquirer??
zannyro
August 23, 2012
Did you know that the writers at people magazine used to be METEOROLOGISTS??
Their reputation for accurate forecasting is legendary you know…(I read this in people magazine).
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2012
I’ve been applying to People magazine for so long with no success; it never occurred to me that I might try a career in meteorology first.
She's a Maineiac
August 23, 2012
….ohhhhh….and so the ugly truth comes out. I knew you had an unhealthy Twilight obsession. How many bourbons did it take for you to write this?
Don’t count Rob and Reese out just yet. Silly little things like babies and marriages never seem to get in the way of most hollywood couples.
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2012
I’ll never count them out. I have a good feeling about them.
lastay
August 23, 2012
That is really good, i could not stop laughing.
The Good Greatsby
August 24, 2012
Thanks for stopping by.
spilledinkguy
August 23, 2012
That’s find and all… I guess… but… but…
what’s happening with Vin Diesel?!?
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2012
I’m hoping the lack of Vin Diesel stories in People was a sign his career is about over.
Jackie Cangro
August 23, 2012
Just read in the latest copy of People (apparently my doctor’s office is more up to date than yours) that Rob is being “the bigger person” and agreed to walk the red carpet with K-Stew for the upcoming movie premiere. He doesn’t want her to get heckled by the ladies in the crowd. Aww…
Pls txt this to ur wife rt awy.
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2012
But is it completely over? Has Rob told her there’s no chance of working things out? I’m on the edge of my seat.
Emily Cannell
August 24, 2012
I like that- K Stew. I must rename myself. E Can.
Audrey
August 23, 2012
Your wife is such a lucky woman, having a guy like you to keep her up to date on all the celebrity news! Honestly, I wish you could just do this as a public service for all of us. I don’t know who’s dating who half the time and people act like I’ve been living under a rock. Oh well, back to my cave…
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2012
I’ll make an effort to provide this important service to as many readers as possible.
lazylauramaisey
August 23, 2012
Oo… Tom and Katie….. I don’t know what to tell ya……
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2012
Don’t tell me! I haven’t read the next issue of People yet.
lazylauramaisey
August 23, 2012
Ok. Well, just have a cup of tea ready and remember the joyful union that is Brangelina. Don’t lose faith….
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2012
Please don’t tell me those two have split. If Brangelina can’t make it, what hope do the rest of us have?
motherhoodisanart
August 24, 2012
Brilliant!!! Love it!
The Good Greatsby
August 24, 2012
Thanks for visiting. I enjoyed stopping by your blog.
Love & Lunchmeat
August 24, 2012
I can’t believe anyone is willing to sleep with her and that ratty hair. It’s a travesty.
Katie, however, has lovely hair.
The Good Greatsby
August 24, 2012
Can someone please remind me why Kristen Stewart is famous?
Cassy
August 24, 2012
Because she doesn’t change facial expressions ever. And that is an art. If you want emotionless mopey with slightly parted lips, she’s perfect.
The Good Greatsby
August 24, 2012
But when she does the same bland facial expressions in movies that she does in real life, it makes me wonder why anyone would pay to see her in a movie when you can get the full range of her talent from a free picture in People magazine.
Kim
August 24, 2012
Hahaha… My husband had to tell me also about the cheating scandal. I had heard it, but dismissed it as gossip. I really had a good feeling about those two 😉
The Good Greatsby
August 24, 2012
You’re lucky to have your husband in the same sense my wife is very, very lucky to have me.
Tor Constantino, MBA (@torcon)
August 24, 2012
Great post! Quick question – how is texting different than email? Isn’t texting just a gr8 big xcuse 2 rite usin bad grmmr avoid vwls? ttfn.
The Good Greatsby
August 24, 2012
I think that’s the only difference. I still text exactly the way I write an email. It pains me to leave those vowels behind.
Don't Quote Lily
August 24, 2012
Isn’t your wife lucky? 😉 This was highly amusing.
The Good Greatsby
August 24, 2012
I like to think she’s lucky. And I like to remind her of this multiple times throughout the day.
thatfunnyblogguy
August 24, 2012
So I need to know! Did your wife speak of their baby before you had a chance to correct the situation?
The Good Greatsby
August 24, 2012
No, she didn’t. I knew she would turn off her cell phone during meetings and would receive all my texts at once.
Cassy
August 24, 2012
Man… I wish I had read this while I was at the orthodontist. Could have totally passed on information about the newest People articles. I definitely need to do this to the husband sometime… instead of talking about everyone’s braces. “Oooh that kid just got glow in the dark orange. Do you think I could pull off glow in the dark braces?… You would make me keep the lights on when we go to bed, wouldn’t you?”
The Good Greatsby
August 24, 2012
I would definitely pick celebrity news over braces news.
Cassy
August 24, 2012
Now I know for next time.
pegoleg
August 24, 2012
My doctor’s waiting room only has 2-year-old copies of Highlights for Kids and Readers Digest (large print version) so I really appreciate this update.
I noticed in the checkout line (obvious attempt to distance myself from actual reading of tabloids) that “Star” is all about the drama of teenagers who apparently are on TV because they got pregnant of out wedlock. “People” is high-brow journalism by comparison because they post gossip about people who are actual actors, even if not very good ones.
The Good Greatsby
August 24, 2012
People goes easy on the celebrities and that’s why the celebs are willing to give them interviews and co-conspire on fake spontaneous photo shoots.
sarahjamalwriter
August 24, 2012
Haha !! this was great!!
The Good Greatsby
August 24, 2012
Thanks. I hope I wasn’t the one to break this sad news to you.
dearrosie
August 24, 2012
You really nailed the boredom of a Doctor’s waiting room. We’re so bored/frustrated/irritated that we’ll read anything, even “People” magazine… and find it so exciting that we want to know what happened next to those silly folks!
The Good Greatsby
August 24, 2012
It’s the only time I ever read People. I definitely don’t have People as standard reading material in my bathroom.
Arindam
August 24, 2012
Hilarious! 🙂 But please never forget to keep your mobile phone either in silent or in meeting mode, before you get inside the meeting room. 🙂 Great post Paul.
The Good Greatsby
August 24, 2012
My wife doesn’t even take her phone into meetings. It makes it very frustrating when I have breaking celebrity news to send her.
Thomas Stazyk
August 24, 2012
Be glad your wife’s chiropractor doesn’t subscribe to Soldier of Fortune.
The Good Greatsby
August 24, 2012
As long as he offers People magazine or Highlights for Children, I’m happy.
earthriderjudyberman
August 24, 2012
It’s yo-yo relationships. On again, off again. Who can keep up? Very funny stuff. I confess I am a regular People magazine reader (but … I read it for the crossword puzzle. Really!) 🙂
Thanks for visitng my blog and commenting.
The Good Greatsby
August 24, 2012
Yes, I was reading it for the crossword as well, but somehow I got sidetracked.
diannegray
August 24, 2012
The Interplanetary People magazine is still running the story about Tom and Katie…
The Good Greatsby
August 24, 2012
And that’s fine with me. I like to pretend they never broke up.
Kathryn McCullough
August 24, 2012
Love this! Too damn funny.
joehoover
August 24, 2012
What would rob and reece be cojoined as? robeece? it doesn’t work. it was always doomed. what is up with your back? I recall the post when it gave out.
The Good Greatsby
August 24, 2012
Just seeing the chiropractor for regular maintenance. Doing much better now and trying to keep it healthy.
Zainab Khawaja
August 24, 2012
You’re posts are always delightful reads! How lucky you are to have such an optimistic wife!
The Good Greatsby
August 25, 2012
I’m very lucky because it provides a lot of post material.
Elyse
August 24, 2012
I’m pretty sure that People magazine just has a template that says ______ hooked up with _______. They are now having a baby. _______ cheated on ______. Breaking up. ____________ now hooking up with the dog.
The Good Greatsby
August 25, 2012
I’m going to insert the same template into my text messages. It will help me distribute the information I find in People faster.
becomingcliche
August 24, 2012
Thank you for catching me up on the latest celebrity doings. Let me know if you read about me in People. I am not sure what I’m doing, and I’d really like to know.
The Good Greatsby
August 25, 2012
I haven’t had much luck finding my name either. Maybe I’m not as big a deal as I think.
momentumofjoy
August 24, 2012
Freakin’ hysterical. I heart this post. Hi-lar-i-ous!!!! Btw you might actually like “Like Water for Elephants.” It actually didn’t suck. 😉
The Good Greatsby
August 25, 2012
Does Rob play a vampire? I couldn’t tell from the previews.
momentumofjoy
August 25, 2012
No but his character kinda sucks so that’s pretty close!
kaysfairytale
August 24, 2012
You grown ups really need to stop using “U” and “R” in text messages. Sincerely, every teenager ever.
The Good Greatsby
August 25, 2012
Are teenagers not doing that now? My son will be a teenager in two more years and I look forward to having his help in staying current.
Jess Witkins
August 25, 2012
She is SO lucky to have you keeping her in the know. I had to find out by watching E! News and that’s so tacky. LOL
The Good Greatsby
August 25, 2012
Tackier than reading People magazine? I think any level of following celebrity news falls on the same level of tacky.
island traveler
August 25, 2012
Sounds like me. I’m often the last to know about hollywood buzz. Great post!
The Good Greatsby
August 25, 2012
I realize I’ve got to schedule more time for Hollywood buzz. If I want to stay current and have something interesting to tell my kids around the dinner table, I need to make celebrity gossip a priority.
cooper
August 26, 2012
all that is soooooooooo old. what about naked Prince Harry? Was it the booze? the coke? is he a sex addict now? People mag must be slacking off…
mistyslaws
August 26, 2012
I can just imagine the joy your wife experienced when she came out of her meeting and got to see that entire conversation you had with her while she was away. If only my hubs would try to keep me up to date with the goings on of pop celebs and their love lives and make sure I didn’t look like an idiot in meetings. Your wife is a lucky girl, indeed.
Carl D'Agostino
August 27, 2012
People who follow these things are so vapid. Weill perhaps they think the same of me. I like baseball.
mj monaghan
August 27, 2012
Next you’re gonna tell me that Arnold and Maria’s great marriage is crumbling. Those two will be 2gether, 4ever!! (that’s how we “young people” type it).
Lorna's Voice
August 28, 2012
There is a reason they call this mode of communication Twitter–we used to call people who engaged in senseless banter like this “twits.” Remember the good old days when being called a twit was a bad thing? 😉
Barb
August 28, 2012
It was me. It was me that took the magazine okay? There! now it’s out. I thieve magazines from the doctor’s office. I like to make my appointment on the first of each month so I can get them before some slob gets the perfume samples and tears out the coupons.
(Funny, funny post).
Read Stuff With Me!
August 30, 2012
This was too short a post for your standards…I want more ON this…Did you find out what’s actually going on between those two???? 😀
benzeknees
September 12, 2012
I know I’m way behind, but I am making an effort to get caught up.
This would drive me nuts – my hubby is under strict instructions not to call me at work unless it’s an emergency. My hubby loves to talk so he would so totally do this kind of thing to me unless I made it explicit I would be angry.
Dana
September 24, 2012
I usually get my People updates while toiling on the elliptical machine at the gym, but now I don’t even need to do that. Thanks, GG– one more reason not to go to the gym! (My husband can thank you… or not… later.)
arlingtonchronicles
April 2, 2013
Isn’t it just called “water for elephants”? I googled it cause I thought I might be wrong, but I’m not, I’m not wrong. You’re wrong. Why has no one else pointed this out, am I wrong?