Today’s question comes from Heather at Beaches & Peaches.
Heather: I have a baby, and yesterday the babysitter for this baby showed up very sick. How do you deal with this situation? I pretended to walk a block and then came back in the apartment and told her I’d acted too soon, and actually wasn’t ready yet to leave my baby with a babysitter, and paid her $20 for her time. (I never let her touch or hold the baby, having put him to bed myself while she waited in the living room). What would you have done? Thanks Greatsby!
Paul: I may not be the best source for advice on babies because I didn’t even know babies could get sick. I don’t even remember seeing my kids until they were four when I realized they could be trained to retrieve beverages from the fridge.
But my wife confirmed our babies did get sick, and here’s another interesting tidbit: apparently, babies can also wake up during the night.
You handled the situation with great diplomacy, although I’m not sure any diplomacy was owed when the babysitter put you in that position. I would have recommended saying something to scare the babysitter, forcing her to be the one to call it off:
“I’m so glad you’re already sick. It makes me feel less guilty about handing you a baby with the Ebola virus.”
“If the phone rings and you only hear heavy breathing on the other end, I know your instincts will tell you to grab the baby and run out of the house, but that’s exactly what he wants you to do.”
“I’m listed as my brother’s emergency contact if he overdoses on heroin again, so if his friends bring him here, you’ll have to administer an adrenaline shot to the heart. The adrenaline shots are on the top shelf of the pantry. Also, help yourself to anything else in the pantry.”
“Do not go in the basement! If you think you hear the clanging of chains, that’s just the furnace. If you think you hear someone yelling for help, that’s just the furnace. If you think you hear someone demanding to know when their water dish will be refilled, that’s just the furnace.”
Here’s another option: Instead of cancelling and sending her home, why not babysit the babysitter. Give her some chicken broth and she’ll owe you free babysitting. Let the baby have a night out instead. Yes, there are dangers for a baby out on the town alone, but I feel too many parents wait too long to trust their children with responsibility. Your baby’s probably much more responsible than you think.
Readers: What would you have done?
Do you have a question for The Good Greatsby? Submit your questions on the Dear Good Greatsby page.
The Good Greatsby 
Hippie Cahier
August 8, 2012
That “brother’s emergency contact” line usually works for me.
The Good Greatsby
August 8, 2012
That line can also help you end dates early when the guy asks to come inside for a drink.
mary i
August 8, 2012
What I am doing is LOL. I am also nodding my head at your very wise and sage advice…
mimijk
August 8, 2012
The baby could probably use the night off, but I wouldn’t give him/her the keys to the car just yet.
The Good Greatsby
August 8, 2012
I agree. You want the baby to have a night out to learn responsibility, but he also needs to learn the value of hard work by saving money to buy his first car.
mimijk
August 8, 2012
Exactly. They shouldn’t presume that a car is just a given.
Carl D'Agostino
August 8, 2012
We are lucky to have your commentary on the complexities of daily life in the problematic technopolis of 21st Century living. Perhaps she could monitor your 26 year old psycho cousin on house arrest for a few days a week for a few extra bucks.
The Good Greatsby
August 8, 2012
‘Problematic technopolis’ is the new buzz phrase. I’m going to challenge myself to use it five times this weekend.
Michael
August 8, 2012
It might also make for a cool band name. “Ladies and gentlemen, let’s hear it for Problematic Technopolis!” *crowd goes wild*
Michelle Gillies
August 8, 2012
“I’m so sorry I forgot to call you. We have to evacuate the house now. The bomb squad is on the way but I’m getting the heck out of here now. Sorry for your trouble, I’ll give you a call next time.” (grab baby and run)
The Good Greatsby
August 8, 2012
It would be poor form for her to still demand payment under those circumstances.
prttynpnk
August 8, 2012
I would just politely explain that since you had taken that baby from a stroller parked in front of the grocery store, you weren’t sure about it’s medical history and couldn’t take the chance of it getting sick. Most babysitters understand.
The Good Greatsby
August 8, 2012
Sounds very reasonable. It’s hard to believe any babysitter would argue with that.
Laura
August 8, 2012
You should go out for the evening as planned, but sneak the baby out with you under your coat. Then act shocked and angry when you get home and the baby isn’t there.
The Good Greatsby
August 8, 2012
“You owe me one baby and his level of cuteness better equal or exceed that of my previous baby!”
Tor Constantino, MBA (@torcon)
August 8, 2012
I actually run a baby sitter service where the sitters are required to have various infectious diseases (e.g. Thrush, MonkeyPox, Coxsackie Virus…etc) with the sole intent of toughening up the babies’ immune system. It’s a nice secondary – albeit pus-filled – income stream….
The Good Greatsby
August 9, 2012
I’m sure your business does very well with the growing number of parents skeptical of vaccines.
Karen
August 8, 2012
My default response to any question from now on will be “It’s just the furnace.”
susielindau
August 8, 2012
I would run out to the pharmacy to buy latex gloves and a mask. Even if the babysitter didn’t wear them, I would have that glorious feeling of false security and could enjoy my well-deserved night on the town!
List of X
August 9, 2012
“At 8, and exorcist will show up to work with a baby, so please help him with all he may need. I’m sorry that I have to miss that but I have to drive to get a witch doctor just in case.”
List of X
August 9, 2012
Or – with the baby in the room, pretend there is no baby. “What baby? We don’t have any babies. That? That’s a toy. No, it’s definitely not moving or crying. I am not sure, there must be some mistake, but we don’t have any baby.”
Elyse
August 9, 2012
Be sure to call that same sitter again when you realize you are carrying that deadly combination of TB, H1N1 and Swine flu. And breathe heavily her direction.
fishducky
August 9, 2012
FUNNY, FUNNY POST!!!!!!!
Kharma
August 9, 2012
Halarious! Again!
mistyslaws
August 9, 2012
Wait. Are you trying to tell me that you are supposed to get someone to WATCH your baby when you go out?? Oh Greatsby, where were you a few years ago when my kids were just wee small tots? Then again, they survived, so I might have to call BS on this whole “babysitter” racket. Pfft.
The Good Greatsby
August 9, 2012
I was surprised kids need babysitters as well. They just lay their in their cribs. What trouble are they going to get into while I’m gone?
Kim
August 9, 2012
Call me crazy… but I’m starting to suspect that you don’t even HAVE a furnace in your basement, Greatsby!!!!
The Good Greatsby
August 9, 2012
And why would the furnace be on in this hot weather?
becomingcliche
August 9, 2012
Depends on which kid. If it was my first, I’d have sprayed her down with Lysol before she opened my front door to leave. If it was my third, I’d have gone anyway. As fast as I could because that’s what desperate parents do!
The Good Greatsby
August 9, 2012
Exactly. You’re less sensitive with future kids.
Binky
August 9, 2012
I would have put her in the freezer for a few hours. That usually slows down those nasty germs.
The Good Greatsby
August 9, 2012
Very resourceful.
Jackie Cangro
August 9, 2012
I think there’s an app for that.
There is actually a blind date app which will call you with an “emergency” at a specified time. It would work equally well in this situation.
Ahmnodt Heare
August 9, 2012
I would have let the sitter hold the baby. It will build up antibodies so the baby doesn’t get sick as often later on in life. The one drawback is that the baby will probably get very sick this time.
bearmancartoons
August 9, 2012
I would have had the baby sitter give me a foot massage for the $20 and the time.
Spectra
August 11, 2012
On the other end of things…I’ve babysat sick kids and left sick and pasty for days after. Sending them my doctoring bills seems like fair play. And a tab for missed work days.
Smuggling out some of their valuables seems a fair means of accrueing leverage against non-payment. Grab the unused gift cards first – less traceable.
katecourysfarmhouse.com
August 11, 2012
Oh how I’ve missed you! LOL This was great
BadParentingMoments (@BPMbadassmama)
August 11, 2012
You know, everyone is so quick to jump on the babysitter when, really, this is the baby’s fault for not having a more viable immune system. Way to ruin EVERYONE’S good time. Just like a baby.
HoaiPhai
August 11, 2012
I personally believe that your tips are exactly the way to handle the situation. The only tiny thing I’d do differently would be to add that the voices pleading for water from the furnace room ARE NOT coming from your last babysitter.
mymidlifemayhem
August 11, 2012
Isn’t this exactly how babies build immunity, a bit like chicken pox parties?
The Simple Life of a Country Man's Wife
August 13, 2012
that was pure genius.
spilledinkguy
August 14, 2012
*cough hack weeze*
Sorry G.G.
This comment might need to be disinfected.
Ape No. 1
August 14, 2012
“Don’t get him wet or feed him after midnight.”
Dana
August 24, 2012
So happy to see Ebola being brought back into ordinary, every day conversations. Why all the secrecy? Let’s all talk about Ebola!
The Good Greatsby
August 24, 2012
We’re on the same page. Everyone is afraid to bring up Ebola, even as a joke. If we give in to the fear, Ebola wins.
Dana
August 24, 2012
Then again, if Ebola was such a commonplace conversation, the sick babysitter might not get the subtle, Ebola-laced hint…