In this tough job market, you’re lucky just to get an interview, and it’s essential that you carefully prepare ahead of time by reviewing a list of Dos and Don’ts so you don’t make a huge interview faux pas that might cost you the job. Here’s a list I always review ahead of any job interview:
DO arrive ten to fifteen minutes early.
DO NOT arrive ten to fifteen hours early and ask if you can spend the night before the interview in a sleeping bag under the conference table.
DO offer a firm but not overbearing handshake when meeting your interviewer.
DO NOT offer your hand and say, “Give me five, on the side, way down low,” then pull your hand away and taunt, “You’re too slow!”
DO turn off your cell phone before entering the interview.
DO NOT answer your cell phone during the interview and say, “What am I doing? Nothing. What are you wearing?”
DO dress appropriately for the interview. If you’re not sure of the company’s dress code, go to the office and watch employees entering and exiting to get an idea of how they dress. Make sure your surveillance visit doesn’t take place on Hawaiian shirt day.
DO NOT follow the employees home and watch them entering and exiting their houses to get an idea of how they dress after work. Also do not follow them on dates. Also do not watch TV through their windows.
DO take a minute to ask for clarification if you don’t understand a question.
DO NOT take a minute to imitate the interviewer’s thick accent that made you misunderstand the question.
DO confidently list the credentials qualifying you for the advertised position.
DO NOT confidently list the credentials qualifying you for the interviewer’s position.
When asked to list your strengths, DO list attributes and qualities directly relating to the desired job.
When asked to list your strengths, DO NOT describe your literal physical strengths like how much weight you can bench press and how much pie you can eat before you get sick.
When asked to list your weaknesses, DO list areas of your resume you hope to strengthen if given the opportunity with the company.
When asked to list your weaknesses, DO NOT answer: cocaine, embezzlement, or curvy redheads.
DO thank the interviewer for his or her time and send a ‘thank you’ note.
DO NOT send the interviewer a ‘you’re welcome’ note.
The Good Greatsby 
disseminatedthought
December 6, 2011
Pulling out a tape measure and sizing up the interviewer’s desk is never a good move. Also, it’s imprudent to ask about changing the colour scheme of their office. The same goes for attempting to sit on their chair, in order to get a “feel” for how things work.
Congratulations on a great post – it was thoroughly amusing to read.
The Good Greatsby
December 6, 2011
But what if I feel like I’ll interview better if supported by his more comfortable chair?
Rob Rubin
December 6, 2011
DO: Accept a bottle of water if offered.
DON’T: Ask for a Venti Salted Caramel Latte with extra whip and a Pumpkin Scone on the side
Rob, The Mainland
The Good Greatsby
December 6, 2011
I don’t want to work at any company that doesn’t have a Venti Salted Caramel Latte readily available.
pattisj
December 7, 2011
I’m with GG.
incaunipocrit
December 6, 2011
Reblogged this on Vasile Roata.
Edward Fraser
December 6, 2011
Ha! Wish I’d read this before my last interview.
becomingcliche
December 6, 2011
Is there an exception on watching TV through employees’ windows if I don’t have cable and “Idol” is on? Asking for a friend.
The Good Greatsby
December 6, 2011
That’s a definite exception because you don’t want to show up to the interview and not be able to make chit-chat about last night’s Idol elimination.
Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson
December 6, 2011
Those curvy redheads get me every time.
That and the meth.
The Good Greatsby
December 6, 2011
But I only wanted the job because I heard about the high number of curvy redheaded employees.
gerknoop
December 6, 2011
…..now I know why I never get the job!……this really helped me! Thank you so MUCH! Who knew?
Todd Pack
December 6, 2011
Great advice, Greatsby. Some other phrases to avoid in job interviews (and I swear I’m not making these up; I’ve either heard them myself, or heard them from the managers immediately after the interview):
— “I don’t want to say I’m confrontational, but I’m gonna let you know what’s on my mind.”
— “I know you think I’m good looking.” (Spoken by a schulbby job candidate to a female manager.)
— “I didn’t get any sleep last night … I have personal issues … I’m sorry.” (From an email sent by a job candidate after he left the office in between interviews.)
The Good Greatsby
December 6, 2011
Two out of three of those comments may have come from me.
pattisj
December 7, 2011
Do you want to tell us which two, or shall we pick?
Spectra
December 6, 2011
Can I bring my pet Dove to the interview? How about if I stuff her in my purse, and tell her to stay quiet… just a few times during the interview?
She's a Maineiac
December 7, 2011
Hmm…I can bring Mr. Skittles. If the interview starts to go downhill, I can release him to swing from the ceiling fans.
Kathryn McCullough
December 6, 2011
So, it was the Hawaiian shirt that cost me the job?
Kevin Haggerty
December 6, 2011
DO: Provide a good list of quality character references.
DONT: Provide a caricature of the interviewer, grossly exaggerating his or her least attractive features.
thelifeofjamie
December 6, 2011
That reminds me of the commercial on TV where they guy keeps calling him Mr. Dumbass…the name is Doo-moss.
myonepreciouslife
December 6, 2011
I have a clear picture in my head of the “Nothing, what are you wearing?” line playing out and it’s making me giggle. Thanks.
joehoover
December 6, 2011
So useful, I’ve not had an interview for 14 years so I imagine I’d be rusty.
susielindau
December 6, 2011
Love this! I will email the link to my two college-aged children. I am sure they will learn something!
I am glad that I won’t be interviewed anytime soon since I am one of those people that picks up an accent really fast and could be seen as ridiculing the interviewer.
“Eeetz beeen a while seentz I have werrrrked…”
Leanne Shirtliffe
December 7, 2011
Now I know. It’s my bench-pressing stats that cost me my last job. Thanks for clearing that up for me.
helentrip
December 7, 2011
Aw, I wish I had seen this yesterday! Ah well… now I know for next time.
pegoleg
December 7, 2011
If it’s good to send a thank you note to the interviewer, wouldn’t it be better to send him some cocaine, money and a curvy redhead?
madtante
December 7, 2011
Also do not watch TV through their windows. It’s the only way I watch TV. I never turn it on at home…
As for the curvy redheads, I’m already one. So. No need there!
kitkatlikereflexes
December 7, 2011
Yahoo is always posting articles with that same title. Yours is definitely my favorite version. 🙂
Laura
December 7, 2011
Some more advice, based on people I’ve interviewed:
– It’s okay to ask to use the bathroom. But once you’re done, try to remember to go back to the interview instead of just going home.
– When listing references, try to select people who don’t have a lot of really bad things to say about you.
– Your handshake will make a better impression if your hands are clean.
Tylerer
December 7, 2011
Do have an extra copy of your resume handy.
Do Not get extra handy with the person holding your resume.
Knox McCoy
December 7, 2011
“When asked to list your strengths, DO NOT describe your literal physical strengths like how much weight you can bench press and how much pie you can eat before you get sick.”
But what if it’s like, a BUNCH of pie? It may warrant mentioning.
limr
December 7, 2011
Now I really want some pie.
gojulesgo
December 7, 2011
I always thought my “you’re welcome” notes were making me stand out.
jacquelincangro
December 7, 2011
When I was interviewing a guy for an entry level position in my department, I asked the standard “what are your weaknesses” question. He said, “I’m anal retentive.”
He did not get the job.
pepperpia
December 7, 2011
Brilliant, I’ll have to remember this for next week when I’ve got an interview for University!
Angie Z.
December 7, 2011
Very good to know all of this, though it’s a little late for me. I believe in the “dress for the job you want” philosophy, so I show up for interviews in a 10-inch high beehive and a dress made out of lunch meat.
Brown Road Chronicles
December 7, 2011
Hilarious! Thanks, you’ve provided some excellent guidelines.
the master
December 7, 2011
In my heart of hearts, I’d dearly love to ape the technique of my namesake, Mr. George Louis Costanza Esq., and launch into a blistering tirade against my prospective employer’s incompetence, as he did when vying for a job with the New York Yankees. Sadly, I just don’t have the guts. Plus I don’t live in New York.
writerwoman61
December 7, 2011
Thanks for this, Paul…I will study it carefully in the hope that I will get an interview sometime soon…
Wendy
shreejacob
December 7, 2011
I had an experience interviewing a few candidates for a part time job. When asked to talk a little about themselves they did the “I’m so and so..aged such and such…”…it’s as if they thought we couldn’t read their resume..d’oh.
savesprinkles1234
December 8, 2011
Funny, my pie eating stats have always landed me jobs.
bluebee
December 8, 2011
“DO NOT answer: cocaine, embezzlement, or curvy redheads.” – particularly, if the interviewer is a curvy redhead – you’ll get a smack right there – trust me
Thomas Stazyk
December 8, 2011
DO: Ask about the company’s performance evaluation system.
DO NOT: Ask, “Are raises automatic, or do you have to work for them?”