My ten-year-old son, Optimist Prime, felt a little left out when the interview with The Fonz was featured yesterday so I promised him his own interview would come before long. OP is also pretty funny but The Fonz is featured more often on this blog because he literally speaks ten sentences for every one sentence spoken by OP and gives me a much greater quantity of anecdotes to choose from. And if The Fonz gets a laugh at something he says, he’s much more likely to repeat it four or five times in the coming week so it sticks in my memory.
“Remember that one time I said ‘fair and swear’ instead of ‘fair and square’? And you laughed?”
“Yes, I remember because it was only a few seconds ago.”
I assume OP is saving his best material for the times when he doesn’t have to compete with The Fonz’s rapid fire delivery. Last week OP commented, “The best part of my dreams is that I’m just as hilarious in my dreams as I am in real life.”
Optimist Prime kicking a field goal at last Sunday's NFL Experience in Shanghai.
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Have you watched Zooey Deschanel’s new TV show, New Girl? The show just introduced a love interest for Zooey’s character named, Paul. Hmm…interesting. Is Zooey trying to send me a subtle message in response to the Love Letters I sent to her Twitter account? I like to think so.
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My favorite search term of the week:
percentage of parents who don’t want kids to go to jail.
It seems like this percentage should be so low, you wouldn’t even need to look it up, right? I assume the searcher had been discussing crime rates with a friend and the friend threw out a nonsense statistic like 57% of criminals choose jail over college because that’s what their parents wanted them to do.
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Only one day left to vote in the caption contest. Is it possible doctors may one day discover voting in a caption contest could be good for your heart and provide the health benefits equivalent to one hour of cardiovascular exercise? Yes. Yes it is possible.
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Another interesting search term:
whats a good gift to give my neighbor he is native american and i dont want to offend him
I think the list of potentially offensive gifts you could give Native Americans is probably pretty short. The most important thing is that you don’t take the present back.
The Good Greatsby 
k8edid
December 3, 2011
That Zoe is pretty sly….no doubt about the message being sent.
The Good Greatsby
December 4, 2011
Thanks for seeing it the way I see it. I needed another confirmation to boost my confidence.
becomingcliche
December 3, 2011
Snuggies make great gifts and are offensive to no one. Or you could just opt for something like a whoopie cushion that would offend EVERYONE. All or nothing, I say.
The Good Greatsby
December 4, 2011
Is a whoopee cushion an offensive gift? My mom’s reaction last Mother’s Day is beginning to make more sense.
Lenore Diane
December 3, 2011
You saved the best line for last:
“I think the list of potentially offensive gifts you could give Native Americans is probably pretty short. The most important thing is that you don’t take the present back.”
k8edid
December 4, 2011
Would it be tacky to give Indian corn?
Snoring Dog Studio
December 3, 2011
I’m sure that OP is just as brilliantly hilarious in real life as he is in his dreams. He’s a late bloomer, perhaps. You just wait. This past summer I went to a Pow Wow. The first part of it was a memorial service for a Native American Indian friend who had recently passed. His family gave the crowd gifts – that’s a tradition. I got a box of crayons and a notebook. It was a very moving experience.
The Good Greatsby
December 4, 2011
I’ve never been invited to a Pow Wow despite my constant hints for someone to throw me one.
kitkatlikereflexes
December 3, 2011
Haha, the Native American present! Made me let out a sudden snort of laughter. Good thing I hadn’t taken a sip of coffee yet.
Hilarious, as usual. 😉
Laura
December 3, 2011
I’m pretty sure that if I polled all the parents that I know personally, the percentage who don’t want their kids to go to jail would be extremely high. What kind of parents are you hanging out with?
The Good Greatsby
December 4, 2011
It seems like jail would be pretty low on the list of expectations for your kids.
pegoleg
December 3, 2011
Native American present…hahahahahahahha!
thelifeofjamie
December 4, 2011
My kids want to know what I am laughing at…it’s this right here- I think the list of potentially offensive gifts you could give Native Americans is probably pretty short. The most important thing is that you don’t take the present back.
And I may deeply offend you with this statement, but I do not like Zooey. I don’t know what it is about her, but I find her truly annoying!
The Good Greatsby
December 4, 2011
My wife doesn’t like her either. I’m assuming she’s jealous.
thesinglecell
December 4, 2011
Read the Native American present bit once, laughed, thought about it, laughed harder. Brilliant.
The Good Greatsby
December 4, 2011
I’ll take that as a compliment and hope you won’t take the compliment back.
Renee Schuls-Jacobson
December 4, 2011
For the record, I am offended by Snuggies. Lazy couch potatoes. 😉
The Good Greatsby
December 4, 2011
You’re so hard to shop for.
ilse watson
December 4, 2011
🙂
frigginloon
December 4, 2011
I’m nowhere near so funny in my dreams 😦
stuffialmostbought
December 4, 2011
Someone once told me that if I lost weight I’d look like Zooey Deschanel. I chose to take it as a compliment. She is fabulous,
pattisj
December 4, 2011
OP must be a chip off the old block–hilarious in his dreams…
Paige Kellerman
December 4, 2011
“whats a good gift to give my neighbor he is native american and i dont want to offend him”
I seriously almost spilled my gin and tonic all over the computer…. I won’t make any suggestions because I’m almost certain they’ll come out wrong.
jannatwrites
December 4, 2011
I’m glad your son is just as hilarious in his dreams as he is in real life. I do many more embarrassing things in my dreams than I do in real life. Or maybe I just remember them more.
Dana
December 9, 2011
I’d love to know what Google suggests as a non-offensive gift for a Native American person… maybe there’s a special list cached somewhere online?