Saturday Salad Bar

Posted on December 3, 2011


My ten-year-old son, Optimist Prime, felt a little left out when the interview with The Fonz was featured yesterday so I promised him his own interview would come before long.  OP is also pretty funny but The Fonz is featured more often on this blog because he literally speaks ten sentences for every one sentence spoken by OP and gives me a much greater quantity of anecdotes to choose from.  And if The Fonz gets a laugh at something he says, he’s much more likely to repeat it four or five times in the coming week so it sticks in my memory.

“Remember that one time I said ‘fair and swear’ instead of ‘fair and square’?  And you laughed?”
“Yes, I remember because it was only a few seconds ago.”

I assume OP is saving his best material for the times when he doesn’t have to compete with The Fonz’s rapid fire delivery.  Last week OP commented, “The best part of my dreams is that I’m just as hilarious in my dreams as I am in real life.”

Optimist Prime kicking a field goal at last Sunday's NFL Experience in Shanghai.


Have you watched Zooey Deschanel’s new TV show, New Girl?  The show just introduced a love interest for Zooey’s character named, Paul.  Hmm…interesting.  Is Zooey trying to send me a subtle message in response to the Love Letters I sent to her Twitter account?  I like to think so.


My favorite search term of the week:

percentage of parents who don’t want kids to go to jail.

It seems like this percentage should be so low, you wouldn’t even need to look it up, right?  I assume the searcher had been discussing crime rates with a friend and the friend threw out a nonsense statistic like 57% of criminals choose jail over college because that’s what their parents wanted them to do.


Only one day left to vote in the caption contest.  Is it possible doctors may one day discover voting in a caption contest could be good for your heart and provide the health benefits equivalent to one hour of cardiovascular exercise?  Yes.  Yes it is possible.


Another interesting search term:

whats a good gift to give my neighbor he is native american and i dont want to offend him

I think the list of potentially offensive gifts you could give Native Americans is probably pretty short.  The most important thing is that you don’t take the present back.

Posted in: Columns