On Thursday night my seven-year-old, The Fonz, lost a tooth while attending a rodeo/carnival. He told me the news and expected me to be excited, but I immediately quoted the ancient proverb: “He who loses his tooth at a carnival in the presence of many toothless carnies, is destined to grow up to be a carny.” My warning didn’t seem to worry him, probably because he’s never met a carny, but I hope the words will gain meaning and begin to scare him over time since I’ve always feared he would grow up to be a carnival worker.
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Optimist Prime and The Fonz have been reading all my old Calvin and Hobbes collections. Optimist Prime read every single strip except for those on the very last page of the last book. He said he wanted to wait to read the ending because he wanted to have something to look forward to on his deathbed.
Not a bad idea to have something to look forward to on your death bed. I’m going to ask my wife to make me a really delicious death pie that we’ll keep in the freezer. If the doctor ever tells me I have one day to live, 90% of me will be disappointed, but the other 10% will be thinking, “Mmm, mmm, I’m gonna get me some death pie.”
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Only one day left to vote in the caption contest. The winner will be posted Sunday at 6AM EST.
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I’ll be leaving for Edinburgh tomorrow, but I’ll continue to post and comment each day. I’ll provide more information about the play this coming week for any readers in the UK who might want to come see it.
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I don’t like talking to the kids on the phone while they’re on vacation because they’re usually being pulled away from a water fight or something else fun and talking to me will feel like a punishment. I told my wife this and she assured me the kids were excited to talk. She put The Fonz on the phone and this was our word-for-word conversation:
“Hi, Dad.”
“Hi, buddy. Are you having fun with your cousins?”
“Do you want to talk to Mom?”
The rest of the conversation lasted under a minute and mostly consisted of me ordering him to go to his room while he insisted that he was staying with cousins and had no room of his own to go to.
The Good Greatsby 
georgettesullins
July 30, 2011
Safe travel to the UK and hope you have a great run of the play.
Another thought on calls from/to China: My sister travels often to China and I’m amazed when she texts me “Call me”. Yep, calling my sister in China is as simple as pushing the buttons with little to no effect on the cell phone bill.
The Good Greatsby
July 30, 2011
It’s amazing how much easier and cheaper communication is now with text messaging and Skype.
Bearman
July 30, 2011
That conversation sounds like the ones I have with my nephew…and he is 17.
The Good Greatsby
July 30, 2011
That’s good to hear because I was questioning whether it was my fault for not being more interesting.
Chase McFadden
July 30, 2011
That sounds like talking to my dad on the phone. He always ends with, “Well, we better get off here.” Like anything more than a minute and something terrible might happen… like bonding.
Thought you’d just have Totinos on your death bed.
The Good Greatsby
July 30, 2011
I do like Totino’s better than pie, but I’ve never had death pie and in my mind it’s extremely good.
Annie
July 30, 2011
That’s the conversation I have with my dad every phone call! I say “hi dad” and he says “here’s your mother” as he hands the phone off.
The Good Greatsby
July 31, 2011
Sounds like you two have a really special relationship.
She's a Maineiac
July 30, 2011
Mmm, death pie and Calvin and Hobbes! Can’t beat that combo. My son also has short conversations with me, he’s a man of few words. Usually he just grunts and rolls his eyes.
The Good Greatsby
July 31, 2011
I’ll take it as a positive sign that my sons aren’t grunting yet.
Todd Pack
July 30, 2011
That’s just how kids talk to their parents on the phone. It’s nothing personal. (I think.)
My favorite Calvin & Hobbes: The one where they do a bunch of fun things and get really dirty and one of them (Hobbes, I think) says, “I saw we consider this day seized!”
The Good Greatsby
July 31, 2011
I actually do remember that one.
Lorna's Voice
July 30, 2011
Bon Voyage! My son was a Calvin and Hobbes junkie, but he had to read from cover to cover. I admire your ability for delayed gratification–something people today don’t generally understand. Most people would have helped themselves to the “death pie” before it was totally frozen.
The Good Greatsby
July 31, 2011
Once you give it a name like death pie, it would seem like a bad omen to eat it while in good health.
thelifeofjamie
July 30, 2011
Carney’s a freaking scary! I ran across a couple at our local fair and felt the need for a lot of hand sanitizer afterwards. Do they all have to talk with those creepy voices?
The Good Greatsby
July 30, 2011
Yes, they do. It’s in the Carny Code.
Spectra
July 30, 2011
If you get sick, would that qualify you for just a skinny slice of death pie? Because you never really know when sickness will result in sudden death. It seems fair.
The Good Greatsby
July 31, 2011
Seems like even a small slice of death pie would tempt fate.
Brown Road Chronicles
July 31, 2011
The blurb about carnies made me laugh. I’ve always wanted to go to my college reunion and when people ask what I’m doing I’d tell them I’m some kind of a carnie!
Me: “Hey Jim how’s it going, what are you doing these days?
Jim: Oh I’m the Vice President of North American Marketing at ABC corporation. It’s a pretty good gig, how about you Steve?
Me: I run the frog launch game at the Carnival… you know the one where you have to try to get the frog onto the lilly pads. It’s pretty cool, someday I hope to run the tilt-a-whirl, but you gotta start somewhere, right?
The Good Greatsby
July 31, 2011
That would be hilarious. “Look me up if you make it to the carnival and I’ll make sure you get an extra frog launch.”
chlost
July 31, 2011
My son went to the fair when he was about ten. His comment was that it must be part of the job requirements to be missing at least three teeth in the front. We had never discussed carnies with him-he came to that conclusion on his own.
My dad traveled with a carnival in the late 30’s and 40’s when money was tight in his family. He was in his teens. To the best of my knowledge, he had all of his teeth, though.
The Good Greatsby
July 31, 2011
I never imagined carnies had children or even parents. Maybe carnies and humans really do share some similarities.
Renee Schuls-Jacobson
July 31, 2011
Mmmm. Death pie. I’m going get me some of that! You know, if I can plan that somehow.
HoaiPhai
July 31, 2011
When my son was a child, I applied heavy pressure to get him into being a carny. Think of the perks… free cotton candy and red popcorn, unlimited access to the tilt-a-whirl, and having your portrait done by the same artist that does the signs for the Gog-faced Boy and The Lizard Lady. I don’t know where I went wrong…he’s a chef now.
Break a leg in Scotland!
HoaiPhai
July 31, 2011
Er, make that “Dog-faced Boy”
The Good Greatsby
July 31, 2011
Although I would be fascinated to learn what a Gog-faced Boy is.
Patricia
July 31, 2011
Telephone conversations, actually any conversation, with my dad was about 90 seconds. Then he would tell me the commercial was over and he had to go.
I learned to talk fast and not expect answers.
Laura
July 31, 2011
My favorite dessert is chocolate souffle, but I’m not sure I should plan on looking forward to on my deathbed. It might be really hard to get the timing right for death souffle.
Bridgesburning Chris King
July 31, 2011
I never thought of planning what to read on my death bed. It makes a bucket list seem silly!!!
Beach Bum
July 31, 2011
If the doctor ever tells me I have one day to live, 90% of me will be disappointed, but the other 10% will be thinking, “Mmm, mmm, I’m gonna get me some death pie.”
A freaking totally awesome idea!
“Hi, Dad.”
“Hi, buddy. Are you having fun with your cousins?”
“Do you want to talk to Mom?”
My daughter. Darth Wiggles, just got that way. I remember when she wanted to talk with me whenever I had to call the house from work. Its a bummer.
EllieAnn
July 31, 2011
Mmm, death pie. I’m sure it tastes like French silk and rhubarb.
gmom
July 31, 2011
Have a safe and successful run in the UK.
Death pie???
Lord I just hope the electricity doesn’t go out for storms and such. Shame that.
Might cause an early eating.
How’s bout a death can of soup .
Longer life.
justjotter
July 31, 2011
Hope you have a successful and pleasant journey to Edinburgh. Congrats on the play and break a leg (but not really). Hope you have someone watching your house while you are away. Something tells me if Todd gets in there, your death pie is toast. Can’t have that!
molassestadpole
July 31, 2011
DEATH PIE!!!!! best idea ever…
:Punchie
July 31, 2011
Ha- That proverb is brilliant though the Fonz shouldn’t be too worried. Once he passes 3rd grade he’ll be too over-qualified to be a carney. (It’s the job market)
Best of luck in Edinburgh!
Tammy
July 31, 2011
I was uninsightful enough to name a child Calvin. He has yet to be clean or to leave Hobb’s side. And as for the telephone call, just wait until they are 14! You’ll miss the dialogue.
Keenie Beanie
August 1, 2011
“I’m gonna get me some Death Pie” should be a bumper sticker.
spilledinkguy
August 2, 2011
Happy day! Congrats on your U.K. play!
(that sounded much better in my mind – I don’t think 50 cent will be calling me up anytime soon)
🙂
mzmo
August 2, 2011
on the day my nephew turned 14, all of a sudden, being cool uncle michael wasn’t enough. our conversations, whilst never actually founts of burbling discourse, trickled down to grunts. i feel your pain. thus, advance sample whiskey.
The Good Greatsby
August 2, 2011
They’ll find you interesting again once they’re old enough to drink and realize that’s the only way to make 90% of people interesting.
pegoleg
August 3, 2011
Is that really an ancient proverb, or does one start talking in cookie fortunes when living in China?
Lenore Diane
August 3, 2011
Paul, I’m behind in reading your blogs. Forgive me? Meh. No matter, I’ll still read and comment, with or without your feedback. Your feedback – your responses to my comments – they don’t validate me. It’s not like I am keeping your responses by my bed with the intent to have your responses bound so I have something to read on my deathbed. No, Paul. I am not doing that. Man, you and my husband are so paranoid. Whatever.
I knew an Art Carney once. Good man. Good teeth.