My wife bought some fake eyelashes here in Shanghai:
When she tried on the eyelashes and asked me how she looked, I told her she looked fine. She was extremely disappointed my reaction wasn’t more enthusiastic based on the promises made on the reverse side of the packaging:
Rococo for women gives you beauty and maturity.
Express and shine yourself with Rococo.
Rococo means elegance and loveliness to you.
With Rococo, you are an attraction wherever you are whatever you do.
Rococo will excite others looking at you.
Your beauty enlightens the world.
With Rococo, you can finally express your true beauty.
With Rococo, you will outshine any heroine in the movies.
Your transformation begins now.
Posted in: Chinglish
The Good Greatsby 
Laura
July 31, 2011
Your wife is very brave. The line about being “an attraction” (like, in a circus?) would have scared me off. Especially when they also mention a “transformation”. This is exactly the kind of warning that characters ignore in cursed-eyelash horror movies.
The Good Greatsby
August 1, 2011
It does kind of sound like it may come with a curse.
georgettesullins
July 31, 2011
The lucky customer gets eyelashes and 9 fortunes. Perhaps the fortune cookie writers moonlight for other marketing ventures.
The Good Greatsby
August 1, 2011
I would be surprised if fortune cookie writers had second jobs since I assume they’re paid extremely well.
nursemyra
July 31, 2011
“Owing to Rococo love of shell-like curves and focus on decorative arts, some critics used the term to derogatively imply that the style was frivolous or merely modish. When the term was first used in English in about 1836, it was a colloquialism meaning “old-fashioned”. As a matter of fact, the style received harsh criticism, and was seen by some to be superficial and of poor taste”
Perhaps they should rethink the name of their product 😉
The Good Greatsby
August 1, 2011
We could say “rethink” but I’m not sure they really thought about it the first time.
Renee Schuls-Jacobson
July 31, 2011
Wow! Maturity cleverly disguised in a package of false eyelashes! I wanna get me some of that. You know, after I’m done baking my death pie.
The Good Greatsby
August 1, 2011
You might consider saving the Rococo eyelashes for your deathbed as well.
HoaiPhai
July 31, 2011
It reads like one of those endless loop tapes the communists played day and night to brainwash people in The Manchurian Candidate. Was there a coupon in the package for a suicide capsule per chance?
madtante
July 31, 2011
I’d never dreamt of outshining heroines in movies but these promises are even better than the promises of Al-Anon. http://tinyurl.com/43apggr (I don’t know Syd–he looks like that guy from The Verve)
gmom
July 31, 2011
That’s awesome! Are those the ones sold at the “Happy, lucky Beauty Salon”?
savesprinkles1234
July 31, 2011
I’ve always wanted to shine myself. I’ve tried other products, like Turtle Wax and Pledge, but it seems likt Rococo might work. Can you send me some?
Glynis Sylvia
August 3, 2011
It’s generally more fun to shine with a partner. You shine him, he shines you.
thelifeofjamie
July 31, 2011
That is some misleading packaging…I am still waiting for my world to be enlightened.
Lunar Euphoria
July 31, 2011
I need some of those eyelashes so I can enlighten the world on this end of the pond.
limr
July 31, 2011
This is like those chopsticks that come in a red paper sheath with instructions for how to use them. “Now you can pick up anything!” I always imagined running outside to pick up a car with my chopsticks.
gerknoop
August 1, 2011
Hey! I want some Rococo! I could have used that for getting ready for my daughters wedding a couple of days ago…while in the horrid humidity where my face melted like an ice cube taken out of a freezer and put onto a fry pan….if I had only known that with Rococo my eyes would have looked as good as…..wait…it said “better” than a heroine in a movie…then I could have taken the breath away of all my guests….wow! I feel like I just really missed the mark now! However, based on “your” reaction….perhaps my frizzy hair and melting face was actually the real crowd pleaser!
Thomas Stazyk
August 1, 2011
I want the version they make for men! I wonder what they call it 🙂
Rachael Black
August 1, 2011
Tell her I have about 20 pairs left over (purchased a lot of them for Burning Man) and she can try a foil styled to outshine anyone in the moves. Not to mention start her transformation now. OR at Burning Man.
So I like Chinese
They only come up to your knees
They’re wise and they’re witty and they’re ready to please
All together now!
I like Chinese Lashes
When driving you’ll get in no crashes…
Stephanie
August 1, 2011
That’s what I’ve been doing wrong all these years — neglecting to shine myself! That explains a lot.
Reminds me of years ago when Mom and I would tell Dad we were going to the salon to get our legs waxed. He always got a weird expression on his face, which had me puzzled until I realized that he thought we were getting our legs waxed and buffed like you would do to a car.
Binky
August 1, 2011
Are you sure these aren’t werewolf eyelashes or something? They don’t say what you’ll be transformed into.
judithhb
August 1, 2011
It’s really scary what you can buy in Shanghai. Has your lovely wife put them on again or were you too unimpressed with the ‘transformation’?
Marryin'thelibrarian
August 1, 2011
Please note the lashes are still in the package. They’re not for everyday wear. Obviously.
Surrey gal
August 2, 2011
He he he. She asked a wrong guy. Shall she ask her lover she’d hear all of the above written on the back of the package 😛
Spectra
August 2, 2011
Way to go making him feel insecure, Surrey gal, now that he won’t be near his wife for 6 weeks. Look what Greatsby has been reduced to already; sitting alone at his kitchen table reading product packaging. And Eating PUKE (et)
eliminate acne
August 2, 2011
LOL. I wonder if the manufacturers could stop laughing when they put those promises on the packaging.
Brown Road Chronicles
August 2, 2011
Wow, you missed your chance! Imagine if you had said “baby, you are an attraction wherever you are whatever you do!” Especially with a little Asian accent. She would have melted!!
spilledinkguy
August 2, 2011
I like to buy several packages and put them all on one eye.
🙂
mzmo
August 2, 2011
i sort of think bad english in china is more or less just like a) hearing people say “chow mein” all my life, b) most “chinese” tattoos, c) all the japanese restaurants that have “chinese” names (i’ve seen 4 of them so far in edinburgh). i’m not saying it’s not funny. i’m saying no country is any good at doing other languages, generally.
i kind of like the bit on the back. see how it works in both rhyme and meter? britney’s songwriters themselves would’ve struggled to come up with something of such powerful simplicity.
The Good Greatsby
August 2, 2011
You’re right–I’ve seen major English mistakes in many countries. Maybe Asian countries just receive more attention because they seem to make those mistakes with more confidence and they end up in more prominent locations like billboards, major advertising, and t-shirts.
It unintentionally creates a rhyme and meter that sound intentionally stilted. It does feel weightier than a Britney Spears song.
Jen
August 3, 2011
They clearly don’t have the legal worries we have here…
Glynis Sylvia
August 3, 2011
Women all want beauty, but do they really wish for “maturity”? We wish the MEN would become more mature, and then we wouldn’t have to be gluing things onto our eyelids, inserting bumfat into our lips, and silicone for hooters, and trying to look 22 for the entire length of our marriage.
Lenore Diane
August 3, 2011
I already embody all of those things without ever having to bat an eye…. lash.