
Yesterday my seven-year-old, The Fonz, told my wife, “Parenting must be hard, especially when you have kids.”
I would have answered, “Actually, parenting without having kids is even harder.”
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Christine Lagarde was selected this week as International Monetary Fund Managing Director. I never received a response to my job inquiry email to the IMF. Even more disappointing, Lagarde was selected without matching my campaign pledge not to break any world leader’s legs if he or she failed to repay money.
My two posts this week on the US $1 coin were part of a last ditch effort to demonstrate my financial acumen, although my wife has since informed me that the IMF chief is not responsible for designing US currency. This knowledge makes the position less attractive, but I was still willing to give it a shot for the $500,000 salary, the IMF Director letterman’s jacket, and the opportunity to make wealthier, better-connected friends than my current collection of dead-end friends and family.
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This week’s post about the 95-year-old woman made to remove her adult diaper by the TSA, TSA Doesn’t Negotiate with Terrorists, Or Grandmas, is actually the grandmother of frequent commenter and zombie enthusiast Amy at fixitordeal.wordpress.com. Read her post about the ordeal: you know it’s gonna be an interesting week when CNN calls your mom
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Today The Fonz had a friend over, and I told him to give the friend a tour. He took him up to the second floor bathroom containing the kitty litter and said, “This is where the cat goes to the bathroom.” That was the end of the tour. Not sure why he thought this friend would be especially impressed with that part of our house above all others.
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Congratulations to Japecake for winning this week’s caption contest. If you hope to one day approach Japecake’s fame and notoriety, start by submitting your caption in this week’s new contest.
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The Fonz earned some money this week and he told me he was going to place it in his money jar, the location of which has been a closely guarded secret. Out of curiosity I tailed him and watched as he put his money under the kitchen sink. When he spotted me behind him he admitted he kept his money in a peanut butter jar next to the other empty jars we kept under the sink because nobody would ever think to search for his money among a bunch of jars we recycled every few weeks. I told him it was a good plan, but I wondered if he worried about someone mistaking his money jar for trash and throwing it away with the other old jars. The look on his face was priceless. He has since decided to move the money jar to another location. I’m on the case.
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When someone complains about having a bad back, I always try to one-up them by mentioning I also suffer from a weak spine, although my difficulties are more figurative.
Bridgesburning Chris King
July 3, 2011
It’s too bad you did not get the IMF position..it would have been nice to know someone of importance..oh well….it might have kept you too busy to post! Always a silver lining!
The Good Greatsby
July 3, 2011
I actually expected it would give me more time to write posts. I always assume the people in high positions don’t do anything.
jacquelincangro
July 3, 2011
Maybe The Fonz should put his nest egg in a peanut butter jar that still has peanut butter in it. That would really foil any would-be robbers or mistaking it for trash.
The Good Greatsby
July 3, 2011
He’ll appreciate that suggestion. I’m not sure where he would keep the peanut butter jar because peanut butter goes pretty fast at our house.
nursemyra
July 5, 2011
peanut butter doesn’t even last 24 hours in our house
Carl D'Agostino
July 3, 2011
IMF ? So you are a provocateur for the New World Order (NWO) and part of the industrial military complex and have hidden your true directives by appearing to be the author of humor and satire. You have not fooled me. I have been on to the exploits of the Illuminati.I will, however, dismiss the accusation that the Knights Templar and Masons are part of these sinister machinations. I am a member of both and the most sinister things we ever did is raise money and build hospitals for crippled children and decide if the lodge paneling should be walnut or cherry and if the carpet should be white or cobalt blue.
The Good Greatsby
July 3, 2011
You sound pretty well connected. Why didn’t you put a good word in for me at the IMF?
thelifeofjamie
July 3, 2011
Do you really want the kind of power that IMF could provide? Might as well start as the coffee boy, start poisoning them and then BAM- you will suspiciously be the only one left and you can run it!
The Good Greatsby
July 3, 2011
I’m not as interested in the power as much as I’m interested in swimming in a giant vault of gold like Scrooge McDuck.
misswhiplash
July 3, 2011
Nah! You didn’t really want the job anyway. But it is their loss , not yours (ummm!)
You have more riches in your sons, who are priceless and such fun .
Let Christine do her best then you can stand back and laugh and KNOW without doubt that YOU could have done it better.
The Good Greatsby
July 3, 2011
I do enjoy the satisfaction of sitting back and watching others do sub-par work while I tell everyone I could have done a better job.
georgettesullins
July 3, 2011
Perhaps OP can read the Fonz Poe’s “The Purloined Letter” as he thinks of another ingenious spot.
The Good Greatsby
July 3, 2011
Or he might hide his money inside a copy of “The Purloined Letter”.
TheRobboDash
July 3, 2011
What words of wisdom would The Fonz offer regarding your disappointment of not getting your position in the IMF? I must say I am glad to hear you didn’t get the job if that is your stance on peoples privacy when dealing with money! Poor Fonz.
The Good Greatsby
July 3, 2011
I figured the public would be relieved to find out I knew where they hid all their money. It’s great to have me as a back-up in case they forget which mattress the money is hidden under.
cooper
July 4, 2011
i see by from the apple trailer site that Tom Cruise is once again playing Ethan..ummm..Frome?…Hawke? whatever… for the new Mission;Impossible film. Maybe the headshot you sent wasn’t of the quality needed to lead the IMF for the film…
oh…that’s not the IMF to which you refer? i’m confused…
The Good Greatsby
July 4, 2011
If I had been selected IMF chief I would have guaranteed understandable Mission Impossible plots.
Kim
July 4, 2011
When I have friends over, for the first time… I usually take them to the various discolored parts of the carpet, through-out the house, and say “That’s where The Beast goes to the bathroom” It usually concludes the tour… and their visit 😉
The Good Greatsby
July 4, 2011
Without knowing whether The Beast is an animal or a human or a monster in the basement, I’d probably leave as well.
spilledinkguy
July 4, 2011
Living in a cat infested (er, I mean, cat friendly) household, I would be very impressed by the Fonz’s tour. Only ONE location where your cat goes to the bathroom = total AWESOMENESS! 🙂
spilledinkguy
July 4, 2011
D-oh! Perhaps I should make sure I don’t leave eerily similar comments as your previous commentators. I’m so embarrassed! I guess I’ll just go hide. After I clean up a few messes.
The Good Greatsby
July 4, 2011
We are pretty lucky that Megatron only goes to the bathroom in the litter box. We wish we could limit her regurgitations to only one spot.
Binky
July 4, 2011
Or the Fonz could keep his money in the kitty litter box. Maybe that wouldn’t be a good idea, either.
The Good Greatsby
July 4, 2011
I’m pretty sure nobody will want his money after that.
Beth, just being me
July 4, 2011
LOL! can’t wait to see where the money jar shows up 🙂
and why is it exactly that the litter box is a stop on the tour? the things that baffle us as parents……
The Good Greatsby
July 4, 2011
I wonder if the two of them had talked previously about the possibility of a cat using a litter box and his friend didn’t believe him.
psychowatcher
July 4, 2011
I am guessing (hoping) his friend does not have a cat.
?
I think the Fonz should put the PB $ Jar behind the litter box…..
Not many would look there!
Surrey gal
July 4, 2011
Have you tried being a parent without kids? I was thinking of giving it a go but it may be too late.
The Good Greatsby
July 4, 2011
I wish I’d given it a try before having kids. It sounds like a long shot but would have been worth a try.
Annie
July 4, 2011
If Fonz needs a great place to hid his money I have a purse I’m no longer using. Only problem is even HE may not be able to find his cash once he stashes it there.
Your Sunday Brunch is always yummy.
The Good Greatsby
July 4, 2011
I’m worried he just might take you up on the offer and start carrying a purse around.
nursemyra
July 5, 2011
haha… years ago I had a boyfriend who won $500 betting on a horse race. He hid the money (from possible robbers – not because he didn’t trust me) in a pillowcase but I forgot about it on washing day and took it to the laundromat…… that was the last we saw of the $500. Guess it was well laundered…..
The Good Greatsby
July 5, 2011
Horse races, robbers, money laundering–you lead such an exciting life.
Bella
July 5, 2011
I think the Fonz should store his money jar somewhere in the bathroom, close to the place where the kitty goes to the bathroom. That’s what I would do. So I wouldn’t forget. I seem to be doing a lot of that lately. Just make sure you tell him not to actually place the jar in the kitty litter itself. 🙂
The Good Greatsby
July 5, 2011
Our cat is pretty smart and I wonder if placing the money so close to the kitty litter will be seen by her as an invitation to steal it.
gerknoop
July 5, 2011
You are hysterical!
So sorry about the misfortune of losing the IMF job….I hate when that happens!
Anonymous Betty
July 5, 2011
Parenting without kids … I think that’s kind of like the empty nest syndrome? Bring it on!