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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »humor«
A Letter of Apology to Those I May Have Alienated During My Brief Day of Fame
Other bloggers had warned me Freshly Pressed fame was a fickle mistress, but I refused to believe she could ever leave me. In the midst of my one day rock star status my wife warned me to temper my expectations for the day after Freshly Pressed, and I shouted back with words that seemed less […]
Your Beautiful Receptionist Half Your Age Fails in Her Attempts to Compliment Your New Hairstyle
April 11, 2011
Yes, ma’am, you may be growing older, but you don’t feel old, you don’t act old, and you’re still beautiful, and I’m sorry I called you ma’am just then. Or maybe you do feel old, act even older, and are perfectly aware the beauty ship sailed off into the sunset years ago. Your beautiful, perky […]
Laura Wins Caption Contest: Awarded Life of the Party Status for Coming Week
April 10, 2011
Congratulations to Laura at unlikelyexplanations.com for winning this weeks caption contest! Depending on how you look at it, all of you who submitted captions are winners. Although this would be an incorrect way to look at it because Laura is the real winner. What did Laura win? For one week Laura will be allowed to […]
In Case You Haven’t Heard, I’m a Big Huge Gigantic Success; I’m Finally Getting the Recognition I’ve Always Claimed I Deserve
April 8, 2011
It took some time to realize the ghosts running WordPress had selected me for Freshly Pressed because I had reserved the morning for polishing my medals, and there’s no computer in my trophy room. What a fun coincidence I would be sequestered in my awards room polishing my awards at the same time I won […]
Things I Carry in My Pocket for the Sole Purpose of Confusing the Police in the Event of My Untimely Death
April 7, 2011
I hope to live a long and multiple award-winning life, but in the event of my untimely death my last thoughts will be on the police officers rifling through my pockets as they investigate the crime. In addition to my wallet and house keys they will find: 1. An elaborate treasure map leading to the […]
Select Your King Caption
April 6, 2011
Make sure and vote in this week’s caption contest. The winner will receive the following prizes: 1. The honorary title King Caption. 2. Will be allowed to butt in buffet lines with no repercussions. 3. Will be allowed to eat whatever he or she wants for one week and won’t gain weight (I will be […]
How to Quit Your Job
April 5, 2011
I lived in Germany for several years, and when you live abroad and speak a foreign language all day, you make friends with other native English speakers with whom you have nothing else in common except the language. The only thing keeping you together is a chance to speak English and to share similar insights […]
Caption Contest: MattJ Awarded Can-do Attitude! Who Can Can-don’t His Can-do?
April 3, 2011
MattJ has done it again, securing the rights to the title Captain Caption for another week! MattJ has also been awarded a ‘can-do’ attitude. Your confidence will be felt by others, including oncoming traffic, allowing you to make left-hand turns at any place and any time. No matter how fast those cars seem to be […]
Practical Jokes that Go too Far
April 1, 2011
April Fools Day! The one day of the year set aside for pranks and practical jokes. The one day of the year I set aside to remind myself never to play a practical joke again. I used to come up with the best ideas for practical jokes. I’d work so hard to develop an elaborate […]
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