Congratulations to Laura at unlikelyexplanations.com for winning this weeks caption contest!
Bill’s habit of squatting over open flames may explain why Andrew is an only child. (Laura)
Depending on how you look at it, all of you who submitted captions are winners.
Although this would be an incorrect way to look at it because Laura is the real winner.
What did Laura win?
- For one week Laura will be allowed to reserve tables using the name Laura Queen of the Captions.
- I will make a special effort to reply to Laura’s comments myself instead of outsourcing the task to my Comment Robot 5000 like I do with all other comments.
- I will visit Laura’s site every day this week and will make comments extolling her wit and creativity.
- If I see Laura in the cafeteria during lunch, we will sit together and I will laugh at all her jokes, ask to see pictures of her cats, and will help her spread gossip about all the people she dislikes.
- Laura will be allowed to eat whatever she wants for one week and won’t gain weight. I will be the sole judge of this and will base my findings not so much on the assistance of scales, but more so on whether Laura’s typing seems fatter as the week progresses.
Please submit your caption for the following picture:
Your caption could be a narration, a line of dialogue, a headline, a daily affirmation, or even a recipe for success if you can make it applicable.
Please no poetry you wrote during your middle school dark period.
More than one submission will be allowed; more than five submissions will make you look so very sad.
All submissions must be received promptly by Tuesday or Wednesdayish.
Prizes will be worth your while, as long as you have a very low estimate of the worth of your while.
The Good Greatsby 
bridgesburning
April 10, 2011
Thanks for introducing Laura..she has a great site!
Tantra Blonde
April 10, 2011
“oh, oh, oh, WOW!! I see balloons…not stars…oh God, oh God…”
Girly
April 10, 2011
Gus realized he would need a lot more balloons if he hoped to rise to the level where “Brokeneck” Betty would notice him.
Hi, I'm Natalie.
April 10, 2011
“Balloons Make Me Horny: A Modern Woman’s Guide to Masturbating in Public Places”
carldagostino
April 10, 2011
My entry: “Keerist, David. We’re not six years old anymore and I’m STILL not going out with you. “
ajg
April 10, 2011
i’m andrew and my sister is laura. that’s weirdo.
marryin'thelibrarian
April 10, 2011
That’s the worst caption ever, ajg! If you make it into the top five, I’m asking for my money back.
The Good Greatsby
April 11, 2011
Not sure I understand your caption. Are you sure you don’t want to mention the balloons or the park somewhere in there?
Kim
April 10, 2011
No caption.. but that red balloon on the bottom is REALLY messing with my self-diagnosed OCD.
marryin'thelibrarian
April 10, 2011
“What’s that? You’re selling balloons? Well, what I could really use is a pair of crutches strategically positioned to support my huge noggin, but I guess about fifty balloons tied to my hair might also do the trick.”
gojulesgo
April 11, 2011
When Linda told Gary that today was her grandfather’s birthday, she forgot to mention he had died 15 years ago. The annual visit to the cemetery was awkward that year.
japecake
April 11, 2011
Amid an ecstatic dream about her favorite column on the Periodic Table of the Elements, the noble gases, Carolyn suddenly awoke to see the man she knew she was going to marry.
japecake
April 11, 2011
NEW YORK, NY (Reuters)—In the wake of the debacle surrounding the trouble-plagued Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, chastened but scrappy director Julie Taymor hit the comeback trail in Central Park today with the premiere of her latest opus, an open-air adaptation of the Oscar-winning 2009 film Up. Backers privately expressed concern that with the accidental loss of two balloons during previews, the production budget has already swelled to more than $27.50.
laurenrantnrave
April 11, 2011
A female blogger sighs to herself, “All the helium in those balloons can’t match the hot air in the inflamed, ego of the Good Greatsby!”
Motion and Rest
April 11, 2011
Again, Fart Helium Guy was beaten to the girl by the Invisible Man. Proof that we can chose our friends but we can’t chose our nemeses. Or our superpower.
japecake
April 11, 2011
April 1969: With the discovery of Viagra more than a quarter century away, pioneering pharmacist H. K. Landers prepares the first field trial of his experimental treatment for erectile dysfunction.
Bella
April 11, 2011
“How many times do I have to tell you to stop using my helium for your homemade enemas?”
frigginloon
April 11, 2011
It only takes one prick to spoil his day…and hers!!!!
peasantlola
April 13, 2011
stellar
Laura
April 11, 2011
Not a caption: when I saw the title of this post and the picture, I thought the balloons were for me — but the actual prizes turned out to be much more fabulous.
Laura
April 11, 2011
Even without the nudity, chatroulette is creepier in person.
flippingchannels
April 11, 2011
As the price of helium skyrocketed the Balloon Man had to wonder, was it him she loved? Or only his gas?
berettaluvz26
April 12, 2011
Can I claim this one as mine? It made me LOL. I almost ROFLMAOed, but the coffee table was in the way.
peasantlola
April 13, 2011
ditto.
officeoddities
April 11, 2011
As Limpin’ Larry laid eyes on the beautiful stranger for the first time, he wondered why he had not brought a fancier walking stick with him.
leadinglight
April 11, 2011
Not a caption: Her hands are positioned very suggestively.
The Good Greatsby
April 11, 2011
Lots of people seem to be seeing suggestive elements.
officeoddities
April 11, 2011
He wanted to let her live but laughing at his new scythe ? That was a little more than he could bear.
The nerve – You just don’t go up against the Grim Reaper like that.
And anyway, it wasn’t his fault his mum had sent his usual, scary one to the shop.
officeoddities
April 11, 2011
That’s it – I’m closing this window. Otherwise, I might do this all day.
G. T. E.
April 11, 2011
Marvin The Clown likes to go dogging on his days off.
ajg
April 11, 2011
ok then, here’s my real caption
“Geez, Margie I’m sorry. The guy said twenty, twenty-five balloons tops and we’d have enough gas to floats to Hypoluxo. We ain’t even left the launchpad I done paid for to be built.”
G. T. E.
April 11, 2011
“Happy birthday, mother! Mother? …oh god, Mother…what are you doing?! Not in the park, Mother!”
G. T. E.
April 11, 2011
David waited patiently for Jane to finish her first ever orgasm before congratulating her; though it was evident to passersby that she was actually suffering a stroke.
Walter
April 11, 2011
Caption: “Honey pretend I am Jeanne Moreau…and you can be Schneider my super.”
pegoleg
April 12, 2011
Sunday in the Park with George, former dirigible pilot turned autoerotic hypnotist.
00caylamarie00
April 12, 2011
“Contrary to what you all may see, Katie is not actually looking up a the balloons, Superman is currently hovering above the park carrying an infant child.”
berettaluvz26
April 12, 2011
I’ve been at this for three whole minutes– I suck at coming up with captions.
Walter
April 12, 2011
Berettaluvz26 is my favorite caption so far!
The Good Greatsby
April 12, 2011
Sometimes it takes more than three minutes. You might consider quitting your job and committing yourself full-time to caption creation.
berettaluvz26
April 12, 2011
Psssh, I’m already a step ahead of you! I’m unemployed. Haha!
I still can’t come up with a caption, though. And I really wanted that week of being able to eat anything without gaining weight, too.
the master
April 12, 2011
Jerry finally decided to quit the tandem balloon launch attempt and pursue a career in catering not long after his twin brother Terry was sucked into a jet engine.
the master
April 12, 2011
As an adaptation to living at high altitudes in cloud lairs the sperm of giants has become highly buoyant. Here the prominent Swedish specialist in giant reproduction Dr. Ivan Liktumgud demonstrates his patented technique for transporting giant sperm samples, which he has also colour-coded for reference purposes.
the master
April 12, 2011
Jenny’s birthday visit to the set of The Wizard of Oz was slightly marred when the balloons her husband bought her dislodged the desecated body of a munchkin that was still hanging from a tree branch.
Laura
April 12, 2011
From “Missed Connections”:
Me: cute blonde fused to park bench
You: balloon guy
It was late Tuesday afternoon. I was on the park bench, where I’ve been ever since that fateful day when I sat down without noticing that that the bench was infected with a particularly tenacious strain of Sticky Tree Fungus that had probably spread from the adjacent tree. You walked by, paused for a moment, and then moved on. Ever since then, I’ve been asking myself why you didn’t say hello. Were you discouraged because I didn’t make eye contact? I couldn’t, because the back of my head is stuck to the top of the bench. Were you repulsed by the Sticky Tree Fungus? Discouraged by my lack of eye contact? Embarrassed by the your oddly blurry face?
Whatever the reason, I hope you’ll reconsider. I think we could have a real connection. Let me know if you change your mind. You know where to find me.
nursemyra
April 14, 2011
I vote for Laura’s entry again
pegoleg
April 14, 2011
Ditto.
Laura
April 14, 2011
Thanks. Your checks are in the mail.
pegoleg
April 14, 2011
And you’ll respect us in the morning…
de.construct.ion
April 13, 2011
Unfortunately for Julie, Bill didn’t realize that his magic invisibility balloons had an on and off switch.
shreejacob
April 13, 2011
Laura will be allowed to eat whatever she wants for one week and won’t gain weight – just for this I’d participate in that contest, then beg all your readers to vote for me! well, maybe promise them an incentive…do you think USD 1 would be enough?? hehe!
Laura
April 14, 2011
It’s been great. I took the week off work and have been camped out in front of the ice cream section of the supermarket with a spoon since Sunday. People stared at first, but I’ve been able to regain my privacy by building a wall out of the empty cartons.