MattJ has done it again, securing the rights to the title Captain Caption for another week! MattJ has also been awarded a ‘can-do’ attitude. Your confidence will be felt by others, including oncoming traffic, allowing you to make left-hand turns at any place and any time. No matter how fast those cars seem to be approaching, go ahead and make that turn.
In this archival photo, therapy pioneer Dr. Hans Tinkerhoff attempts to help a young Henry Kissinger confront his fear of flying, typewriters, and dirty limericks simultaneously. There once was a Jew from Nantucket, Whose plane crashed and burned the young puppet. Two lines in, it was clear that the well intentioned Dr. had chosen his limerick poorly, and the ensuing “freak out” became part of both aviation lore and good-natured White House ribbing for years to come.
Who can defeat the three time winner MattJ? Is there a brash young rookie ready to take on the seasoned veteran?
Will MattJ’s success lead to over-confidence and cause him to take the competition too lightly?
Is MattJ some sort of caption-creating robot designed to steal all the best caption-creating jobs?
Will someone please topple MattJ from his caption throne before the conspiracy theory I just started catches on?
Submit your best caption.
Your caption could be a narration, a line of dialogue, a news headline, a daily affirmation, or even compliments about me if you can make it applicable.
Please no references to Charlie Sheen unless it’s very, very clever. You can’t just say Charlie Sheen and assume your work is done.
More than one submission will be allowed; more than ten submissions will make you look unemployed.
All submissions must be received promptly by Tuesday or Wednesdayish.
Prizes will be awarded accordingly:
- One week winners will be awarded a ‘moderate’ lucky feeling.
- Two consecutive week winners will be awarded an ‘on-a-roll’ feeling that may be helpful in making exact change.
- Three consecutive wins will qualify you for a ‘can-do’ attitude, enabling you to stand up to your mother-in-law…then profess your romantic love for her.
- Four consecutive wins will get you a ‘top-of-the-world’ confidence that others will sense, causing them to laugh at your jokes…out of fear!
I will not list the five consecutive wins prize because the resulting award may be too dangerous in the wrong hands, and if anyone wins four weeks in a row, the contest may be discontinued before a potential humanity-ending fifth week is possible.
I really shouldn’t mention the prize, but I guess I can give one hint…
PET RESURRECTION!
Maybe that was too much of a hint.
The Good Greatsby 
Laura
April 3, 2011
Bill’s habit of squatting over open flames may explain why Andrew is an only child.
Laura
April 4, 2011
I really should have called the kid “Bill Jr.” instead of Andrew. If I lose this week, I’m going to point the fist of blame at my parents for failing to teach me how to name things.
ajg
April 4, 2011
no, don’t worry. that is an actual photo of me. you get bonus points like in balderdash.
Rachael Black
April 3, 2011
Billy, when we’re done cooking I’d like you to tell us how wonderful mommy is. And I’m so happy that you like daddy’s new friend! Do you think she’ll enjoy mommy too?
lifeintheboomerlane
April 3, 2011
Ethel tries to remain in good spirits in spite of Ralph carrying out his threat of “I’d sooner eat food cooked by a five year old over an open fire than have your mother over for dinner one more time.”
Girly
April 3, 2011
Struggling with how to deal with grief over the loss of their beloved Lassie, the Martin’s make him the Guest of Honor at their cookout. “We’ll never have a dog so brave or so delicious ever again” said a satisfied Timmy.
Speeder
April 3, 2011
Kate Hudson, having exhausted the supply of celebrity boyfriends poaches in the local park thinking, “Yes, one for this afternoon and one for the future.”
shreejacob
April 4, 2011
HAHAHA!
madtante
April 3, 2011
Rare, early photo of metrosexuality proves the cultural norm did not begin with baseball players waxing their eyebrows in the late 1990s.
carldagostino
April 3, 2011
“So dad, I guess that bull won’t be coming back here anymore.”*
*see frying pan
Renee Davies
April 4, 2011
“Dad, dad, dad, dad…dad…dad…”
“Yes son?”
“Dad, dad, daddie, dad, dad…dad, see dad…see?”
“What son?
“Dad, dad, dad…dadddd…”
“Honey, can you come watch Timmy before I hurt someone?”
Renee Davies
April 4, 2011
Commercial Voiceover:
“Do you have a manwich appetite? Yeah? Well, move it along, these are chickpeas and cilantro veggie burgers.”
Thomas Stazyk
April 4, 2011
“In her latest book, Ann Coulter seeks to dispell what she calls ‘myths about homelessness.'”
ajg
April 4, 2011
HA!
abbycdiddy
April 4, 2011
Rent-a-kid! Do all the things you wanted your mom & dad to do with you! Kids are a great way to continue your legacy – but they’re also really hard to get along with if you live with them all the time and have to discipline them. Here at Rent-a-kid, we give you the opportunity to be a parent without ever having to be the “bad guy”!!
(Got a kid?? Contact us at Loan-a-kid.com)
Laura
April 4, 2011
“You’re both doing great! Timmy, you’re about to fling that burger over the side of the pan, and Joe, if that were a real fire instead of a pool of ketchup, you’d have third-degree burns on your hand by now — but overall, you’ve shown a lot of improvement since last week!”
frigginloon
April 4, 2011
Elvis rang and he wants his shoes back!
nursemyra
April 4, 2011
Betty had no idea her new beau was a convicted paedophile scout master from Boysie, Idaho.
Ahmnodt Heare
April 4, 2011
Child labor laws are being ignored in California.
Don't Make That Face
April 4, 2011
So you see son, women are to be seen and not heard. It’s ok for men to do the cooking if it’s over an open fire, but your woman best have a cocktail ready for you when you’re all done or she ain’t nothin’ but trouble.
ajg
April 4, 2011
“See honey, I told you a four year old could do it. Now I don’t want to hear any more crap about jumping in the Winnie and going down to HoJo’s. So put down that fruity basket, get over here, and quit letting your son show you up.”
Renee Davies
April 4, 2011
On Mother’s Day, father and son cooked a special lunch for Mom – she was the crazy glue that kept them all together (no comedy intended) 😛
MarkH
April 5, 2011
“There you go boy, that’s some good manly open fire cooking. Fantastic! Hey sweetie, look how manly our boy is! See!?”
“Thanks Pop-pop! Say mom, what’s the touchdown score on the local sportball game? Right dad?”
Suddenly a near defeated grumble burst from Mr. Seacrest’s lips, “Blagh! I’ll man-camp the gay right out of this boy if it’s the last thing I do… If it’s the last thing I do.”
marryin'thelibrarian
April 6, 2011
Sure soylent green is made out of people, but it’s made out of delicious people.