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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All Posts filed under »Family«
Make Your Own Summer Camp
My wife is traveling for a couple weeks and I’m searching for ideas to occupy the kids that don’t violate my wife’s list of forbidden activities: TV Video games Crime We wanted to send them to a summer camp but decided against it when we learned they cost money, and I’ve resorted to finding alternative […]
Summer Break is Breaking My Spirit
July 10, 2012
Well, we’re a month into the kids’ summer vacation and that means I’ve started 30 straight mornings asking the mirror why kids get a summer vacation. Why do kids get time off? They’re just going to forget half the stuff they learned during the previous year. They’ll waste at least a month of the new […]
My Son, the Model Student
June 18, 2012
Last week my wife filled out a form for our kids’ applications to a new international school they’ll attend in the fall. I was eager to help and filled out a page for our eight-year-old son, The Fonz. When my wife saw my answers she took the rest of the packet away from me. 1. […]
An Interview with Optimist Prime–Part 2
June 8, 2012
Yesterday we attended Optimist Prime’s graduation from elementary school. He’s growing up so fast. It seems like only a year ago he was a year younger than he is now. And it seems like only yesterday when I made that same joke to him at his elementary school graduation. He’s only ten but he just […]
Optimist Prime Accomplishes Lifelong Dream at 10
May 21, 2012
Optimist Prime played his first American football game yesterday. Ever since he was a kid at the young age of 8, he’s dreamed of being a quarterback, and now that dream came true at 10. I wish my dreams had come true at 10 so I could have taken the last two decades off. He […]
If Only The Fonz Studied Chinese as Much as He Studied Comedy
May 16, 2012
The Fonz is a student of comedy. His mom and I have literally told him over 500 times to clear his plate when he leaves the table and he never seems to hear, but when I give him advice on timing, presentation, or reading the room, his eyes focus, his head nods, and I can […]
Busting the Baby Boom
May 2, 2012
I like kids but I don’t like babies. Babies have always struck me as insincere, like cats. Babies and cats are both cute but you get the feeling the cuteness is all an act to trick you into feeding them and overlooking their ruining of leather furniture. When a friend visits our house with a […]
Let Me Be Your Motivational Antagonist
April 30, 2012
It’s kind of a big day around here. After three long years, and an immeasurable amount of hours not paying enough attention to me and not giving me enough compliments, my wife finished her masters thesis. We’ve been celebrating all day as though Mrs. Greatsby had accomplished something significant, although I feel I’m the one […]
My Model Children
April 23, 2012
On Friday I asked if any readers had theories on the origins of this photo since I admitted I only recognized my son The Fonz, had never met the other three people in my life, and had no idea where the picture was taken. Did I forget to mention my children are models? I probably […]
The Fonz’s Birthday Revue Review
April 20, 2012
The Fonz called his 8th birthday his best ever. He started the day bounding down the steps while singing, “Giddy-eight, giddy-eight, giddy-eight, eight, eight!” to the tune of the William Tell Overture. We managed a fair amount of teasing, including telling him we had hired a ‘mathematician’ for his party after mishearing his request of […]
Happy Birthday, Apollo Fonzarelli #2
April 18, 2012
In our family, my wife and I show our love through teasing, because it’s a lot faster than helping with homework or taking them to the dentist. I tease the ones I love, which is why my wife should take comfort in knowing I never tease the women I flirt with at the gym. When […]
Better Living Through Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
April 11, 2012
Dear Mrs. Greatsby, I’ve seen the way you look when you see a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Your eyes brighten, you break out in a smile, and I think to myself, “Why doesn’t her face light up like that when she sees me?” Before we were married I hoped someday you’d learn to feel the […]
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