Dear Mrs. Greatsby,
I’ve seen the way you look when you see a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Your eyes brighten, you break out in a smile, and I think to myself, “Why doesn’t her face light up like that when she sees me?”
Before we were married I hoped someday you’d learn to feel the same way about me as you feel about that seductive combo of chocolate and peanut butter, but as our 12th wedding anniversary approaches, I’m haunted by the comparative enthusiasm you expressed to my marriage proposal when you shrugged your shoulders and answered, “Why not?”
I won’t compete with chocolate and peanut butter any longer. It’s too much to ask any man to compete with even one of the two, let alone a delicious combination of both at the same time. I got married so I could stop competing and finally let myself go. Your insistence on having other interests besides me has required me to continue laboring to capture your interest a whole decade after I assumed I’d be able to stop exercising, stop flexing whenever you enter the room, and stop making up stories about your friends hitting on me.
I must warn you of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup’s dark side. You probably think you know about the dark side because the outside is literally dark, but I mean figuratively dark, and let me remind you that I learned the definitions of ‘literally’ and ‘figuratively’ as part of my ongoing efforts to win your affection because I know you love to judge people who use ‘literally’ incorrectly and I hoped judging people together would bring us closer. Can you trust a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup? It looks like chocolate, but one bite reveals a peanut butter filling on the inside. If it’s hiding peanut butter, what other secrets might it be hiding?
I’m making the following demands:
If there’s not a picture of me on your desk at work, there can’t be a picture of a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.
No more coming home late, reeking of peanut butter, fingers smudged with chocolate.
On this historic day, otherwise known as Wednesday, 19 of your favorite humor bloggers are staging a WordPress coup. We have banded together to address the important topic:
Better Living Through Reese’s Peanut Butter Cupss
Yes, you read that right. Your eyes are fine. Well, they may not be fine – I really don’t know. But it does say “19 of your favorite humor bloggers” (or who SHOULD be your favorite bloggers). We are all presenting the same topic, each from his or her particularly unique perspective.
Why this topic? Why now?
Click on the Reese’s Pieces links to gobble up the entire, yummy bag of 19 posts.