Dear Mrs. Greatsby,
I’ve seen the way you look when you see a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Your eyes brighten, you break out in a smile, and I think to myself, “Why doesn’t her face light up like that when she sees me?”
Before we were married I hoped someday you’d learn to feel the same way about me as you feel about that
seductive combo of chocolate and peanut butter, but as our 12th wedding anniversary approaches, I’m haunted by the comparative enthusiasm you expressed to my marriage proposal when you shrugged your shoulders and answered, “Why not?”
I won’t compete with chocolate and peanut butter any longer. It’s too much to ask any man to compete with even one of the two, let alone a delicious combination of both at the same time. I got married so I could stop competing and finally let myself go. Your insistence on having other interests besides me has required me to continue laboring to capture your interest a whole decade after I assumed I’d be able to stop exercising, stop flexing whenever you enter the room, and stop making up stories about your friends hitting on me.
I must warn you of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup’s dark side. You probably think you know about the dark side because the outside is literally dark, but I mean figuratively dark, and let me remind you that I learned the definitions of ‘literally’ and ‘figuratively’ as part of my ongoing efforts to win your affection because I know you love to judge people who use ‘literally’ incorrectly and I hoped judging people together would bring us closer. Can you trust a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup? It looks like chocolate, but one bite reveals a peanut butter filling on the inside. If it’s hiding peanut butter, what other secrets might it be hiding?
I’m making the following demands:
If there’s not a picture of me on your desk at work, there can’t be a picture of a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.
No more coming home late, reeking of peanut butter, fingers smudged with chocolate.
*******
On this historic day, otherwise known as Wednesday, 19 of your favorite humor bloggers are staging a WordPress coup. We have banded together to address the important topic:
Better Living Through Reese’s Peanut Butter Cupss
Yes, you read that right. Your eyes are fine. Well, they may not be fine – I really don’t know. But it does say “19 of your favorite humor bloggers” (or who SHOULD be your favorite bloggers). We are all presenting the same topic, each from his or her particularly unique perspective.
Why this topic? Why now?
Why not?
Click on the Reese’s Pieces links to gobble up the entire, yummy bag of 19 posts.
Bon Appetite!
The Good Greatsby 
pegoleg
April 11, 2012
Don’t feel bad, Paul. There isn’t a man alive who can compete with chocolate. Except maybe Brad Pitt. Or Robert Redford. Sean Connery used to really do it for me, actually. And Johnny Depp, and that one guy on that one show…
Anyway, don’t feel bad, Paul.
Whoop, whoop – we did it!
The Good Greatsby
April 11, 2012
Great job, Peg. I love to see a plan come together.
bigsheepcommunications
April 11, 2012
It’s true – you can’t compete, so it’s best to join forces instead. Come over to the dark and chocolatey side (no one has to know).
She's a Maineiac
April 11, 2012
You’re literally killing my peanut butter cup love here, Greatsby. But you don’t care, do you?
My12th wedding anniversary is this weekend and you’ve reminded me of what truly kept us together for so many years–our ability to judge others.
The Good Greatsby
April 11, 2012
Our love of judging the grammatical and figure of speech errors of others has kept our relationship strong.
1pointperspective
April 11, 2012
Impressive as always. 12 years is a long time to play second fiddle to a candy, iconic or otherwise. For the record, I’m not hurt that I was left out of the cool crowd of 19 bloggers, but if there’s ever a theme of mixing low grade tequila with bitter lemon, I expect an invite.
little blog of happy
April 11, 2012
Tequila!
1pointperspective
April 11, 2012
I’m actually happy I didn’t make the cut on the Reese’s posts, as I would’ve had to fake it. Chocolate is not my thing, though I have used it on occasion to lessen the risk of PMS related violence.
The Good Greatsby
April 11, 2012
I could do that theme. I have a great recipe for a Bloody Mary using tequila infused with red peppers for a month.
thoughtsappear
April 11, 2012
It’s hard to cover up the smell of peanut butter. At least you always know when she’s been with Reeses.
gojulesgo
April 11, 2012
Oh my. You’re right. What else ARE they hiding? I just might have to spend more time with them to figure this out…
skippingstones
April 11, 2012
That explains my in box. Great topic – Reese peanut butter cups are my absolute favorite!
The Byronic Man
April 11, 2012
We can always count our blessings – if there’d been a “Peanut Butter Cup” scene in Love, Actually it’d be all over.
mistyslaws
April 11, 2012
Y’all are killing me with this, you know that?
Don’t feel bad, Greatsby . . . you never really had a chance. Just be happy that you are her second choice. Wait, you are her second choice, right? Or is that place filled by shoes? Well, even bronze is still on the podium, I guess. Oh wait! I forgot about wine. Yeah, you’re screwed. Sorry.
The Good Greatsby
April 11, 2012
Honestly, she does get pretty excited about shoes. I wish I could hear her conversations with her friends to tally the number of times she mentions shoes versus the number of times she mentions me.
happykidshappymom
April 11, 2012
You are right — there is just something about chocolate that evokes “that look” men so desire. Once when I was a little snippy with my husband (we’re heading to 12 years of marriage this year, too) he paused, took a bag of Dove chocolates out of the cabinet and started rubbing them on my back. What a guy.
And this line has me intrigued, “If it’s hiding peanut butter, what other secrets might it be hiding?” That may be the best question I’ve heard asked in our round-up of posts.
little blog of happy
April 11, 2012
Oh gawd….I’ve been trying to cut down on the time I spend with my good friend WordPress, and now there’s two mighty big temptations to deal with. I say it’s time for me to stock up on a bunch of peanut butter cups, close the office door and visit with the above-mentioned 19, who I know from reading your blog comments are all tres funny. Talk about guilty pleasures! (by the way, where’s Spectra!) I think it’s gonna be one chocolatey keyboard…..
susielindau
April 11, 2012
I love the smell of peanut butter and chocolate in the morning! I will be salivating all day…..
The Good Greatsby
April 11, 2012
Mission accomplished.
k8edid
April 12, 2012
HA
spilledinkguy
April 11, 2012
Once they (and by ‘they’ I mean Peanut Butter Cups… of course) learn how to fashion those elegant wrappers into smoking jackets there will be no more hope.
I fear it’s only a matter of time.
The Good Greatsby
April 11, 2012
The smoking jacket can be tallied on the long list of efforts to impress my wife long after I figured I’d be able to stop.
Lenore Diane
April 11, 2012
“If it’s hiding peanut butter, what other secrets might it be hiding?” So true. This question wil keep me up at night.
Amy
April 11, 2012
Women don’t respond well to ultimatums. Besides, if you kept enough Reese’s at home, she wouldn’t have to go out looking for them.
The Good Greatsby
April 11, 2012
So true. If she were satisfied with the Reese’s she was getting at home, she’d never have to go out.
Tar-Buns
April 12, 2012
Tee hee! Loved your take on the Reese’s thang, especially the comment above. You sly dog you.
Jackie Cangro
April 11, 2012
The only dark side to a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup would be if it was smothered in dark chocolate.
If that day ever comes you’d really have to throw down the ultimatum with Mrs. Greatsby.
Life in the Boomer Lane
April 11, 2012
You slay me, GG. But this post intrigues me. Can Mrs GG be a guest blogger? Say yes.
Laura
April 12, 2012
Maybe you can work out some sort of compromise. For her desk picture, have you considered posing for a photo with a bunch of Reese’s?
Hippie Cahier
April 12, 2012
How many times has Oprah shown us this very tale. It starts with the peanut butter breath and then you stop judging people together. I hope you two crazy kids can work this out.
Binky
April 12, 2012
I’m making a big sacrifice and am eating nothing but Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups toady in honor of this speical day.
k8edid
April 12, 2012
Mrs. GG is a very smart woman…peanut butter cups demand so little of us, alleviate our PMS symptoms, and provide instant satisfaction. Husbands do not stand a chance…
Elyse
April 12, 2012
Perhaps all you need to do is keep some Reese’s Peanut butter cups in your smoking jacket pocket…
georgettesullins
April 12, 2012
You know, you would find a whole lot of ’em here when you come back home. So does Mrs. GG stock up over the summer?
Angie Z.
April 12, 2012
Poor, GG. But you should hardly be surprised — Reese’s are the Lifetime Channel of candy. I sometimes forget my husband when he picks up a bag of jalapeño kettle chips at the store.
Kim
April 12, 2012
My husband is the same way… RPBC is a floozy!!!
pattisj
April 12, 2012
You’re all nuts! Chocolate covered, of course.
monicastangledweb
April 12, 2012
Nicely done. Hope she doesn’t cheat on you anymore–but tell me, what’s her preference, the individually packaged cups or the one that comes in a set of two?
Also, how can I get in on this group posting? 19? Me thinks you needed 20, so do tell! Would love to know how it came about.
HoaiPhai
April 15, 2012
Why make your wife choose, GG? Do what I do… spackle between your toes with peanut butter, and a dab under each arm, and then head down to Costco and get yourself a barrel of that self-hardening chocolate ice cream cone coating, and slather yourself up good. Mrs. HoaiPhai cannot resist my advances then, even if it’s not Valentine’s Day, my birthday, or even a Wednesday!