The Only Thing I Ever Wanted

When I look back on my life, I never really cared about fame or money. All I really wanted was to be loved.

Loved by someone with a lot of fame and money.

And if I became famous and rich as a result of being loved by that someone, I guess I would accept those conditions as a necessary side effect of being loved.

I believe it was either The Beatles or Mr. Belvedere who sang, ‘All you need is love.’ This is true. You really don’t need anything else except love, because if you play your cards right, the person you love might provide life’s other necessities, like fame and money. The simple lesson Mr. Belvedere was trying to impart is that if you start with love, and avoid being distracted by the pursuit of fame and money, you might just get all three with the least amount of work possible. This is just common sense efficiency.

All I really wanted was to be loved.

And to be envied. Envy is a close second. But isn’t it possible that if the right person loves you, like Zooey Deschanel, other people will envy you at the same time? This is why it’s important to focus on the number one goal of being loved instead of focusing on being loved at the same time as laboring to breed envy, because it’s possible to accomplish both at once.

All I really wanted was to be loved and envied.

And to be stalked by someone gorgeous. Anyone can get an ugly stalker, but acquiring a gorgeous stalker takes ambition. I imagine people talking about me and saying, ‘Just when it seemed Paul had it all, the love of a famous, rich woman, and the envy of the world, I find out he has a gorgeous stalker.’

And if that gorgeous stalker happens to be a celebrity like Rachel Weisz, that would be a terrific bonus, but it’s not a deal-breaker.

All I really wanted was to be loved and envied and stalked by someone gorgeous.

And to be fit without having to exercise or eat right. A personal trainer once told me anyone can have a great body through hard work and discipline. I think he meant this to be inspirational, but I focused on the word ‘anyone.’ If ‘anyone’ can do it, who cares? But how many people out there can maintain a great body while sitting on the couch and eating aerosol cheese directly from the can? To my knowledge, nobody. And that’s why it would be such an accomplishment.

All I really wanted was to be loved and envied and stalked by someone gorgeous and to be fit without having to exercise or eat right.

And to have a letterman’s jacket from Grease’s Rydell High School, autographed by Olivia Newton-John.

I guess that about sums it up: All I really wanted was to be loved and envied and stalked by someone gorgeous and to be fit without having to exercise or eat right and to have a letterman’s jacket from Grease’s Rydell High School, autographed by Olivia Newton-John.

But mostly to be loved.