I Wonder If Any Celebrities Are Thinking About Me Right Now

Posted on May 20, 2013


The other day I was watching the special features on a DVD of the TV show How I Met Your Mother, and each member of the cast commented on how the other cast members had begun to feel like a family. And I wondered how this made those celebrities’ real families feel.

And I wonder how a celebrity feels when his real family is interviewed on the news, and his parents say, “From the time he was little it never felt like he was really part of the family. We always sensed he was destined to be part of a celebrity family someday. Everyone always said he was destined for great things, and this always surprised us because we just didn’t see anything special. Still don’t.”

And I wonder how a celebrity feels when his real brother asks him for real money to invest in a fake business.  And I wonder how to become fake friends with this real brother so I can share in this real investment money because I have plenty of ideas for fake businesses.

And I wonder what happens if you’re a parent and have three children and two are celebrities, like the two Manning brothers of NFL fame, Peyton and Eli, and you have one child who isn’t a celebrity, like their brother Cooper. Does everyone make a special effort to encourage and compliment Cooper on his achievements? Does their mom reassure Cooper that passing his real estate exam or starring in a community play are just as impressive as winning the Super Bowl? And does Cooper know she’s lying?

And if Mom Manning bumps into another mom at the grocery store and she asks how her kids are doing, does it sound ridiculous to say, “Peyton and Eli both won Super Bowls, and Cooper is fourth lead in The Music Man.”?

And I wonder if Bill Cosby ever accidentally called his real daughters by the names of his TV children, Rudy and Vanessa, or even worse, Theo. And when people at a restaurant hear that Bill Cosby just walked in with his family, do they whisper within earshot of his kids, “Oh, that’s a shame. It’s just his real family.”?

And I wonder if George Clooney ever asked Brad Pitt for an autograph when Brad Pitt was famous and George Clooney wasn’t. And I wonder if George got really nervous before he approached Brad and when he said to his date, “That’s Brad Pitt,” his voice cracked with excitement and he felt ashamed.

And I wonder if any celebrities are thinking about me right now.

Posted in: Columns