Some people are predicting the end of the world is coming on December 21st based on an ancient Mayan prophecy. I’m conflicted because we’re leaving for vacation on the 18th and if the world is just going to end three days later, I’m not sure whether to bother getting someone to feed the cat. If she eats a big meal before we leave I’m sure she’ll be all right.
Also, we’re kind of letting the laundry pile up because it’s hard to stay motivated when I know I’ve got enough clean clothes to last another ten days. On the other hand, if the world is really going to end I want to look my best. It would be a shame to find myself at the end of the world with nothing to wear.
Does anyone know if this is supposed to be one of those end-of-the-world things where everyone dies, or will some people survive? I sure hope everyone dies because I can’t stand the thought of Vin Diesel surviving and going through my stuff. I just know he’ll stretch out all my shirts.
But don’t let this talk of the end discourage you. I’m a glass-half-full type of person and I always try and see the positive. Instead of focusing on all the fire and death and destruction, I’m concentrating on the things I won’t miss:
I won’t miss end-of-the-world predictions. Sometimes I wish the world would just end already so we can stop talking about it and move on to other topics.
I won’t miss feeling guilty about whether I’m doing enough to save the earth. The earth always seems to be in trouble, like a friend who can’t hold a job and needs you to lend him money every few months. And just like your friend, one day you take a hard look at the earth and say, it’s never going to learn responsibility if I keep bailing it out.
I won’t miss people telling me Diet Coke is even worse for you than regular Coke because of aspartame. It’s going to be such a relief when the world ends next week and those people who kept warning me of the health dangers of aspartame don’t live any longer than I do.
I won’t miss the TV show How I Met Your Mother. I still watch it out of habit even though it hasn’t been good in years. How many sharks can one TV show jump? Someone put it out of its misery and stop me from watching it.
I will have one regret: if the world had ended just a few weeks earlier, it could have spared us the last Twilight movie.
The Good Greatsby 
mistyslaws
December 11, 2012
My office Xmas party is on the 21st. So I figure, I’ll drink myself into a pants wetting embarassment and just hope that I won’t have to face any of those people again in the New Year. Come on Mayans . . . get this right, will ya?
The Good Greatsby
December 11, 2012
I’m willing to give the Mayans one chance. If they disappoint me this year I’m unlikely to ask their advice again in the future.
Ian Webster
December 11, 2012
Since the Mayan’s who devised the calendar seem to have got their own survival wrong by a few hundred years, they might just have got the dates a bit wrong here too; you never know. Bottom line: I’d get someone to feed the cat. Yes, sorry, laundry too.
The Good Greatsby
December 11, 2012
Yes it’s hard to take seriously any predictions of our extinction from people who failed to predict their own extinction.
susielindau
December 11, 2012
If Vin would stretch out your shirts, imagine what he would do to mine?
I can’t watch “How I Met Your Mother.” It was a tough habit to break, but even the sappy Lifetime channel has better shows.
The Good Greatsby
December 11, 2012
I’m only so annoyed with ‘How I Met Your Mother’ because it’s fallen so far. It used to be so good.
susielindau
December 11, 2012
I don’t think the jokes are funny.
Now I am watching The Big Bang Theory. The writing on that show is fantastic!
The Good Greatsby
December 11, 2012
The first few years of HIMYM were outstanding; hilarious and genuinely romantic. But it became too popular and they had to drag the storyline out to get a few extra seasons. Sad. I’ll give The Big Bang Theory a shot.
nancyfrancis
December 11, 2012
Would it be poor form to show up to work in a white dress that day – might as well marry myself off at the last minute!
The Good Greatsby
December 11, 2012
But do you really want to spend your last day fielding calls from family and friends explaining why they weren’t invited to the wedding? And where will people send all the gifts if the world no longer exists?
The Byronic Man
December 11, 2012
It can get really hard keeping up an all the ends of the world. I feel like I’m still cleaning up the canned food and shotgun shells from the last one when – damn, man, seriously? – another apocalyptic prediction. Fine. Board up the windows, paint face, make sure barbecue has enough propane to cook a human…
The Good Greatsby
December 11, 2012
After all the build-up from all predicting, the end of the world better be pretty impressive.
The Byronic Man
December 11, 2012
“That’s IT? The sun just went black?? BOOOOOO! Boooo-riiiiing!”
The Good Greatsby
December 11, 2012
When the earth opens wide and begins swallowing all my neighbors I plan to shrug and say, “I’ve seen worse.”
Tori Nelson
December 13, 2012
I was seriously peeved the last time the world didn’t end. Looking for someone to give me a refund for the pantry full of canned beans I never needed.
The Good Greatsby
December 14, 2012
We overloaded on canned goods as well. It’s frustrating to constantly have to check the calendar for the apocalypse every time we try and make a shopping list.
thesinglecell
December 11, 2012
I was bummed the last time the world was supposed to end, because it was right after Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger split and I thought if they could have held on just a tiny while longer they could have fulfilled the whole “til death do us part” thing. I personally tend to put more faith in Nostradamus, and according to him we have a while to go. But I don’t think the Mayans believed in the Rapture like that predictor did. I think this is supposed to be the whole enchilada. Coincidentally, it’s also my last day of vacation. Well-played, me.
The Good Greatsby
December 11, 2012
Thanks for the vacation day reminder. I want to make sure my wife has used up all her vacation days by the 21st.
Eireen
December 11, 2012
Oh dear, I’ve bought my ticket home for the 22nd of December…How stupid of me: all that money wasted…
The Good Greatsby
December 11, 2012
Is it too late to pay with a credit card?
writerdood
December 11, 2012
My office party is on the 21st too. I should probably leave some extra food for the dog before we leave.
The Good Greatsby
December 11, 2012
You’re pretty lucky your party will be on the 21st so you’ll already be dressed up just in case the end comes.
Kim
December 11, 2012
According to Nostradamus, only those adorned in lavish smoking jackets shall perish on the 21st… Be well, my friend
The Good Greatsby
December 11, 2012
At least I’ll go out in style.
Kim
December 12, 2012
You should probably put some pants on, as well…
Tor Constantino, MBA (@torcon)
December 11, 2012
Wait a second this is shocking news to me – are you telling me that Diet Coke is sweetened ARTIFICIALLY?!? As far as the whole world-ending-thingey you’ll be pleased to know that I invented a new calendar system this morning, so we’re good for another millennia or two. Gotta go, I’m off to solve the fiscal-cliff-thingey now….
The Good Greatsby
December 11, 2012
It’s hard to believe Diet Coke could be artificial. What we had seemed so real.
beansprowtcrocodile
December 11, 2012
Once again I sit in a depressingly boring sociology lecture, and your epic humorous post has given me a whole new look on life ❤ Never ever stop writing, people might go insane if you do! Love the posts!
The Good Greatsby
December 11, 2012
Thank you. If I do stop after the 21st you’ll know the reason.
k8edid
December 12, 2012
I made my dentist appointment and scheduled a mammogram for the 22nd. I may go out with a cracked filling, but my breasts will still be round and not mashed flat.
Glynis Sylvia
December 12, 2012
Thanks for the suggestion. I think I’ll hurry up and schedule a mammogram BEFORE the 21st. At least someone will be touching my tatas one last time. (It’s been a while.)
joehoover
December 12, 2012
Yesterday I was told about my Xmas bonus so have been thrilled ever since, now I realise it’s in my account on the 24th so my boss had no itention of paying it anyway knowing full well the world would have already ended.
I feel like walking out of work right now in defiance!…though it is only half an hour to go anyway…and I really must finish these reports….
The Good Greatsby
December 12, 2012
I sympathize, although I find myself on the other side of that strategy since I’ve been borrowing money for months with the promise of paying it back on the December 22.
joehoover
December 12, 2012
So I’m not getting my £20 back?
Hippie Cahier
December 12, 2012
I knew it. I knew! I knew you were Brad Pitt’s body double in Thelma and Louise. No one would listen to me, but now the secret is out. Thank you for finally putting humility aside and sharing the truth of the rumor. I feel vindicated.
Life With The Top Down
December 12, 2012
I have a GYN appointment on the 21st. If I’m being honest, I’d really rather be engulfed in flames.
The Good Greatsby
December 12, 2012
I hope you get your wish.
Charron's Chatter
December 12, 2012
very amusing. I agree. That How I Met Your Mother show needs to stop the madness! Tell us WTF already and be done with it, because I can’t—wait for it—anymore. 🙂 Also: clever title to your post; I initially read it as: nothing to FEAR..hehe..
The Good Greatsby
December 12, 2012
I liked the show better when Ted was still on it. Wait, what’s that you say? Ted is still on the show? I guess I was confused because the main character and reason we were all watching no longer has any story lines.
Michelle Gillies
December 12, 2012
I am glad I am not the only one obsessing about someone else going through my stuff. I am moving on the 20th and hoping to get rid of all my stuff before that.
The Good Greatsby
December 12, 2012
That’s a good strategy. It will make your stuff easier to set fire to right before you leave.
zannyro
December 12, 2012
Well now I don’t know WHAT to do…I was going to get highlights put in m hair…but if there’s only 10 days left, I can think of better ways to spend the money….do you think I could eat 20 gallons of peppermint ice cream by then? I’d rather have that than highlights…
Glynis Sylvia
December 12, 2012
Depends on how you look at it. If the world doesn’t end, which will last longer – hair highlights or 20 gallons of ice cream on your thighs. And you can’t change fat thighs as easily, like you can just redye the hair another color if you don’t like it. Trust me, switching to 20 gallons of chocolate ice cream isn’t going to produce the result you’re after either.
zannyro
December 12, 2012
Hmmmmmmmmm…….You make a convincing argument.
The Good Greatsby
December 12, 2012
Highlights for only ten days does sound like a bit of a waste, but don’t you want to look your best when you’re standing there at the end?
zannyro
December 12, 2012
If I could get the gal who does my hair to give me a discount, then I could go buy some nail polish and do my nails….this does like a special occasion…………On the other hand, I could use the extra money to go buy some carrots for the horses I photograph…I mean, shouldn’t it be a special occasion for them too?
The Good Greatsby
December 12, 2012
I definitely think you should involve the horses. Think how awesome you’d look riding a horse into the apocalypse, especially with all those new highlights in your hair.
zannyro
December 12, 2012
That’s it….my mind’s made up…..See you on the flip side 🙂
Jackie Cangro
December 12, 2012
The 21st?!? Ack, I thought it was the 12th. Shoot. I have to re-think some things.
bluebee
December 12, 2012
I’d advise you against believing the predictions of a race who threw their dead into their only source of drinking water – feed the cat
The Good Greatsby
December 12, 2012
Before I rush to judgment I’m trying to remember where it is I throw my dead.
Spectra
December 18, 2012
– did you check the toilet tank? It’s a reliable source of water but you almost never have to drink from it. Well, >em>almost never…
dianasschwenk
December 12, 2012
I think you should wear something comfortable, but not shabby – it should be stylish and modern, but you don’t need to wear a suit or anything. Nice jeans, a white button down shirt, cowboy boots maybe…I don’t know…I’m going back and forth on my lululemon pants/tank top and jeans with a smart sweater…
The Good Greatsby
December 12, 2012
I don’t mind wearing something uncomfortable as long as the end comes quickly. If we’re going to have to spend hours running through fire, jumping over sinkholes, and climbing over each other, I’ll dress for comfort.
dianasschwenk
December 12, 2012
makes sense LOL
dinkerson
December 12, 2012
This was just hilarious. I laughed out loud the whole way through it :^D
Great post!
Rachael Black
December 12, 2012
You’ll know me: Will be wearing the finest in hobo (read: staying in the house and refusing knocks at the Yett). attire. Plan on wearing my 18 carat gold and diamonds.If I’m gonna go it will be in comfort… and style.
Note: no more wasting perfectly good soap on some Mayan madness, so said attire shall be in need of a good soak.
Sadly, this is the 6th End of the World Prophesy in the last two yeas. Just in case I have purchased extra deodorant, chocolate and firewood. Oh, stocked up on Chef Boyardee as well, just in case my daughter is able to make it through the wastelands from San Fran.
Bring out your Dead! Bring out your Dead!
ps: being of Hebe-Catholic descent I’m not too worried. But Shalom anyway.
-Riding into Mexico City on an ass (NOT my 2nd ex-husband mind you)
~Miss R
Grass Oil by Molly Field
December 12, 2012
CRAP! i thought it was 12/12/12. now you’re saying it’s 12/21/12 … i can’t decide which is creepier. i have egg nog that’s good until the 19th. my 2% milk expires at 11:37 tonight. i can’t make heads or tails of any of this. thank you for trying.
Read Stuff With Me!
December 12, 2012
Loved the post 😉 And about the end of the world…It’s high time now, it should just happen!
Bill Hayes
December 12, 2012
I am waxing my surf board. Forget te fire, there’ll be a lot of water involved. I am going to hang 10 on the crest right into the next dimension. Oh man – it”ll be beautiful…..
She's a Maineiac
December 12, 2012
And you know if anyone would survive, it would be Vin Diesel.
Maybe if HIMYM put an actual shark on there and had a leather-clad Fonzie attempt to jump over it, the end of the world wouldn’t seem so bad.
The Good Greatsby
December 14, 2012
Vin Diesel is a survivor. Again and again he emerges from the flaming wreckage of one failed movie after another.
jcd kerwin
December 12, 2012
I wish the world could have ended before my office Christmas party…
The Good Greatsby
December 14, 2012
Sometimes wishing isn’t enough. If you want something badly enough sometimes you have to take action into your own hands.
jcd kerwin
December 14, 2012
Well I feel gypped. Jiminy Cricket is a liar.
Tar-Buns @ Here and ThereSa
December 13, 2012
Hmmm … maybe I don’t have to do any more Christmas gift shopping. After all, if we’re gone on the 21st, no one will know if they got a gift from me or not.
Wonder what the retail giants would say about THAT!
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAH 🙂
Binky
December 13, 2012
Once the world has ended, I hope we can all get on to more important stuff.
The Good Greatsby
December 14, 2012
It will be a relief to finally have the ending settled.
spilledinkguy
December 13, 2012
I’m ridiculously tempted to Photoshop Vin Diesel’s head onto a photo of your smoking jacket.
(That line about your shirts was HILARIOUS! I nearly chocked on my Coke. My regular Coke. Because I’m hard-core like that.)
T E Stazyk
December 14, 2012
I thought all you need is a track suit and tennis shoes.
reelingintheyears.wordpress.com
December 14, 2012
Lordy–kinda sorta looking forward to the end, as it were. Let’s just do this thing! Of course, Mama went on the day of Rapture–so like Mama!
skippingstones
December 15, 2012
Awesome – I laughed all the way through this!
renée a. schuls-jacobson
December 17, 2012
It was my father’s b’day last week, and I was really torn about how much to spend on his gift. I mean, theoretically, he might only get to use it for a few days. In the end, I sprung for it. It’s on,y money. And you can’t take it with you. Unless you can. Hmmmm.
tchistorygal
December 19, 2012
Zannyro, Hugely funny post. I found you through your recommendation by rarasaur. Nice site. Marsha 🙂
kylemarcellus
December 20, 2012
I feel that at some point in the future, after our own civilization is dead and gone, a modern day Indiana Jones will be exploring the ruins of our once great land and discover a calendar factory. That’s when they get to have a futuristic “Oh Shit” moment when they realize the calendars only go SO far into the future! The cycle continues. I just had idea; i’m going to start printing these calendars just so this scenario is certain to happen!
Sarah @ Pearls of Willsdom
December 26, 2012
Feeding the cat line – love it!
Dana
January 9, 2013
We bought tickets to Calgary for the 21st, hoping that the world would end before we’d have to spend Christmas in -25C weather. Sadly for us, the world didn’t end. I had to buy heavy duty winter wear at the mall on the 22nd, amidst all of the other frantic, ‘wait-a-minute-we’re-still-alive!’ Christmas shoppers, Thanks for nothing, Mayans!