Amish Shave and a Haircut–Two Years to Life

Posted on November 24, 2011


Seven members of a breakaway Amish cult have been charged with a hate crime after forcibly shaving the beards and cutting the hair of individuals who wouldn’t support an extremist leader.  The most intriguing part of the story is the name of the cult leader who ordered the haircuts: Samuel Mullet.

Never, ever take hair advice from a man name Mullet.

If you’re not familiar with the mullet haircut, it’s probably because you have the type of friends who hold jobs.  The mullet is defined by short hair on the sides and front, and long hair in the back, and has also been described as “business front and party back.”  Never support a religious leader, business leader, or spouse guilty of sporting a mullet or named Mullet.

I’m sure the story of the forced Amish haircuts was big news in the Amish community and the newspaper probably featured the following headlines:

Men Arrested After Close Shave

Amish Men Charged After Charging into Home and Giving Haircut Free of Charge

Amish Group Splits Hairs Literally After Splitting Hairs Figuratively

Shave and a Haircut–Two Years to Life

Officials Surprised When Amish Let Hair Down

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow, Jail for Life

Men Traumatized After Hair-Raising Hair-Razoring

Amish Men Send Postcards to Bare Scalps: Wish You Were Hair

Police Blow Tops After Cult Takes More than a Little Off the Top

My wife suggested this post might be culturally insensitive, but I reminded her there’s not a single Amish person out there with a computer.

Posted in: Headlines