Seven members of a breakaway Amish cult have been charged with a hate crime after forcibly shaving the beards and cutting the hair of individuals who wouldn’t support an extremist leader. The most intriguing part of the story is the name of the cult leader who ordered the haircuts: Samuel Mullet.
If you’re not familiar with the mullet haircut, it’s probably because you have the type of friends who hold jobs. The mullet is defined by short hair on the sides and front, and long hair in the back, and has also been described as “business front and party back.” Never support a religious leader, business leader, or spouse guilty of sporting a mullet or named Mullet.
I’m sure the story of the forced Amish haircuts was big news in the Amish community and the newspaper probably featured the following headlines:
Men Arrested After Close Shave
Amish Men Charged After Charging into Home and Giving Haircut Free of Charge
Amish Group Splits Hairs Literally After Splitting Hairs Figuratively
Shave and a Haircut–Two Years to Life
Officials Surprised When Amish Let Hair Down
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow, Jail for Life
Men Traumatized After Hair-Raising Hair-Razoring
Amish Men Send Postcards to Bare Scalps: Wish You Were Hair
Police Blow Tops After Cult Takes More than a Little Off the Top
My wife suggested this post might be culturally insensitive, but I reminded her there’s not a single Amish person out there with a computer.