Starbucks Announces: Come for Joe Not for John

Posted on November 18, 2011


The Starbucks in New York City announced they will be closing their bathrooms to the public.  Apparently they grew tired of being the hangout for the homeless and the guy using the Wi-Fi for ten hours while only sipping one coffee.  I can respect the challenge to keep the place classy when it’s full of the homeless and tourists only stopping into to overuse and break the toilet, but how can you ban use of your bathroom when you’re selling a product notorious for making the drinker immediately need to use the bathroom?

When I heard this important news, I was struck by the following potential headlines:

Starbucks Wakes Up and Smells More than the Coffee

Starbucks Closes Public Toilets; Announces Buy 1 Cup Get 1 Empty Cup Free

Coffee Shop Cuts the Crap

Starbucks Surprised People Taking Advantage of Business Selling $4 Coffee

Bums Bummed After Ban of Bums’ Bums

Starbucks Going to Pot as More Patrons on the Pot than Ordering a Pot

When You Gotta Go, Get Coffee to Go, Because Starbucks Won’t Let You Go

Starbucks Announces: Come for Joe Not for John

Hold the Cream; Hold the Sugar; Just Hold It

Posted in: Headlines