If you should feel any discomfort during the procedure, just send me a signal by breaking your constraints, smashing the room, and burning the nearby village.
This won’t hurt a bit…until I flip the switch to send 10,000 volts of electricity through your body.
Sorry, I know you requested a black chest restraint to match your outfit, but I could only find white on such short notice.
Before I unbuckle your chest strap, perhaps I should show you the bill.
If you can understand English, please answer by groaning, “MAAAAARRRRWW!”
And the bartender says, ‘Wait a minute, that rabbi’s a duck!’ Pretty funny, right? Now that I’ve warmed you up with a joke, I have some bad news about you not being human and being composed of stolen body parts.
I just got off the phone with your healthcare provider and they’re claiming death is a preexisting condition.
I hope I’m not moving too fast; I usually don’t hold necks until the second date.
This is so embarrassing, but it appears I left the key to this cape in my other pants. We might be wrapped up in here a while.
And where were you all afternoon? Are these needle marks I see? Did you donate blood again? I guess you’re the type of girl who’ll give her blood to anyone, aren’t you?
Are you sure this is how a staring contest works?
Yes, you were right to come in. This mole looks serious. But I’m even more worried about the hand attached to the front of your neck.
The Good Greatsby 
She's a Maineiac
October 28, 2011
Things get heated at the latest Republican debate when Rick Perry attempts to close Michelle Bachmann’s creepy eyes with his Vulcan nerve pinch.
Spectra
October 28, 2011
“death is a pre-existing condition” – darn those health care providers! Always dragging their feet to avoid covering the basics. Yet, they are so quick to cut off gangrene limbs or other dead body parts. It’s like…they really don’t care if you’re dead or alive, just so long as those insurance premiums keep flowing in. When will we see a Universal Health Care Plan that is truly universal?
Seems to me when you won’t cover a dead guys operation, that there is just blatant mortal discrimination!
The Good Greatsby
October 29, 2011
I hate to take the side of the health care providers, but death really does seem like it should count as a preexisting condition.
Todd Pack
October 28, 2011
“That was really good, but let’s try it again, OK? I go, ‘If you’re blue and you don’t know where to go to, why don’t you go where fashion sits,” and THEN you go, ‘Puttin’ on the Ritz.'”
Amy
October 28, 2011
Ha!! Love it!
mistyslaws
October 29, 2011
Perfect! Bravo.
The Good Greatsby
October 29, 2011
I promise the villagers will love our act.
Amy
October 28, 2011
So, Paul, did you get tired of us having all the fun captioning your pictures and decided to join in?
Lenore Diane
October 28, 2011
Seriously! I am damn – can I say that? – glad GG doesn’t compete during the caption contest. Jeepers. Show off.
The Good Greatsby
October 29, 2011
I pick pictures for the caption contest based on whether I can quickly come up with a few captions. I sometimes wish I could submit them under an anonymous name.
joehoover
October 28, 2011
Do you have a caption robot? Like the one you wrote about that watches TV for you.
thelifeofjamie
October 28, 2011
I applaud your dedication to Halloween week!
Luda
October 28, 2011
Bravo, bravo.
My favorite: And the bartender says, ‘Wait a minute, that rabbi’s a duck!’ Pretty funny, right? Now that I’ve warmed you up with a joke, I have some bad news about you not being human and being composed of stolen body parts.
The Good Greatsby
October 29, 2011
I always try and preface bad news with a joke to break the ice.
Leanne Shirtliffe
October 28, 2011
“Death is preexisting health condition” Bwahaha.
Monstrously funny.
MC/Curtis
October 29, 2011
It’s O.K. Frank. You don’t have to box anymore. You can wear your belt normally around your waist again now.
prttynpnk
October 29, 2011
I have some good news and some bad news- first, we found all of the necessary organs to make you as good as new. The bad news? Your twin brother didn’t survive the acident.
Louise
October 29, 2011
Hi! I just passed on The Versatile Blogger Award to you. Read and then pass it on!
http://ichoosehappynow.com/2011/10/28/cup-of-joy/the-versatile-blogger-award-goes-to%e2%80%a6/
Cheers,
Louise
bearmancartoons
October 29, 2011
Your brain?? From someone named Abby.
Thomas Stazyk
October 29, 2011
Fred, I know it’s unoriginal and makes you look even dorkier than you are in real life, but the Addams Family is kicking our butts in the ratings and the network says you have to be Herman Munster.
John Erickson
October 29, 2011
1, 2, I’ll unbuckle you.
3, 4, You’ll head out the door.
5, 6, Bust the village to sticks ……
Laura
October 29, 2011
Vlad became increasingly hostile towards his conjoined twin, Bella, and began to fantasize about strangling her in her sleep.
Kathy
October 29, 2011
I love the one about death being a preexisting condition-
The Good Greatsby
October 29, 2011
Funny but true.
Sandi Ormsby
October 29, 2011
(1- monster) Stop! You’re tickling me! I might break something.
(2- doctor) Hmmm, looks like we gotta trim those nose hairs. Oh, wait, those are worms- let me get the tweezers!
(3- vamp) How do I turn this on? Damn new models.
Sandi
http://www.ahhsome.wordpress.com
Lake Forest, CA
The Good Greatsby
October 29, 2011
I love #3; he does look like he’s searching for an on/off switch.
shreejacob
October 29, 2011
love! wow…can i have coffee with your mind one day too? i’m still trying to get an appointment with Stephen king’s mind….hehe!
Ape No. 1
October 30, 2011
Now you just wait here while I find you a nice set of white pumps that match that gorgeous white belt.
pattisj
October 31, 2011
Looks like Doc has a good bedside manner.