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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All Posts published on »August, 2011«
Friday Love Letters: Dear Zooey Deschanel
In the next week I’ll particpate in drafts for both of my fantasy football leagues. Last year I consistently struggled to find consistent running back production, so I’ll still probably use my first two picks on RBs, although I don’t see a lot of depth at the position, and I wonder how the prolonged holdout of […]
Did I Ever Tell You About the Time…?
August 18, 2011
My wife has heard all my stories. I’ve heard all her stories. Every childhood memory, every funny anecdote, every life-changing experience had been exchanged within our first few years of marriage. Conversation in years four to seven was full of stops and starts: “Did I ever tell you about the time–” and the other partner would […]
Dear Good Greatsby: How Do I Convince My Children I’m Smarter Than They Are?
August 17, 2011
Today’s guest panelist will be my time-wasting robot, Philo T-2000, who has been watching reruns of Oprah to enable him to understand human emotions and give applicable advice. The first question comes from Jamie of The Life of Jamie. Allow me to recommend Jamie by saying she’s displayed excellent taste by disliking all the same […]
Choose Your Celebrity Handle
August 16, 2011
Every time my wife and I meet a new couple, we combine their names into a catchy couple handle, similar to celebrity couples like Bennifer, Brangelina, or TomKat. Some of our friends have couples nicknames that easily roll off the tongue like Rebex, Lindex, or Shandrew and we find these couples easiest to remember when we’re planning my […]
How to Get More Compliments
August 15, 2011
When someone gives you a compliment, are you content to bask in the glow of just one, or do you have a strategy for getting more? Receiving compliments makes us feel good and plays a crucial role in how we feel about ourselves. If receiving compliments is so beneficial, shouldn’t we strategize how to get our daily dose […]
Chinglish Toiletry Warnings
August 14, 2011
My friend took the following picture outside a restroom: I can read the Chinese, so I understand the sign is meant to warn of a slippery floor, but the mere suggestion of a landslide hitting while I’m using the restroom will make it extremely difficult to relax. My ten-year-old, Optimist Prime, took this picture near the gate […]
Saturday Souffle
August 13, 2011
When my wife and I spoke on the phone this week, I gave her instructions on what times of the day to feed our cat, Megatron. She wondered why I was telling her how to feed the cat when this had been her job for years; this was the moment my wife and I realized we’ve both been feeding the cat […]
Friday Love Letters: Dear Turkish Girl I Saw on a Bus in Germany for Six Minutes and Fell in Love With
August 12, 2011
Dear Turkish Girl I Saw on a Bus in Germany for Six Minutes and Fell in Love With, How long has it been since that fall evening on the bus? I think I was still a teenager, right? I’m not sure why I’m asking you for confirmation of my age since we never actually talked and I […]
Dear Good Greatsby: How Can I Convince My Sister-in-law to Leave the Country?
August 10, 2011
Today’s guest panelist will be my mom, who has promised to only give advice relating to the question and not use this as a platform to criticize my life choices. In exchange, I’ve offered to stop arguing when she suggests I like the same things I liked when I was five. When she suggests I feed […]
Notes from Edinburgh
August 9, 2011
My English friends keep pointing out British celebrities here at the Edinburgh Fringe that I didn’t know were celebrities: “Hey, look behind you. That’s Ruby Wax!” “Who’s Ruby Wax?” “Are you serious? She’s been on the telly for years.” “Sorry, but I’m not familiar with British television celebrities.” “But she’s an American!” “But she’s only on TV […]
People I Want to Impress
August 8, 2011
We all want to be liked. Or if not liked, at least respected. Or feared. Or maybe we would trade being liked for being considered incredibly attractive, but that’s a completely different topic and I don’t want to digress. The urge to be recognized as special or interesting or intelligent is strongest in childhood when we […]
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August 19, 2011
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