
My wife has heard all my stories. I’ve heard all her stories. Every childhood memory, every funny anecdote, every life-changing experience had been exchanged within our first few years of marriage.
Conversation in years four to seven was full of stops and starts: “Did I ever tell you about the time–” and the other partner would politely answer, “Yes. Yes, you have. But I’d love to hear it again.”
Conversation in years eight to ten comprised both of us pretending to have forgotten all stories, “Maybe it’s the mold behind the refrigerator or all this lead paint covering our walls or possibly a brain tumor from too much cell phone use, but I don’t remember hearing you had a paper route as a kid. Please tell me that story.”
Occasionally a story surfaces that my wife has never heard.
“Did I ever tell you my family met Telly Savalas in an elevator?”
She’ll look at me, her expression briefly serious before switching to one of relief. “No. No, you haven’t. You really haven’t.” We’ll embrace for a moment before she says, “Please continue. But let me make some popcorn first.” She’ll sit down with her popcorn, her eyes full of anticipation as she leans forward expectantly.
“Well, we were in an elevator and Telly Savalas got in, and he looked at all the kids because there were four of us, and he asked my parents, “These all yours?”
“What did your parents say?”
“I don’t remember.”
“Let me go grab the kids and you tell the story again. Kids, come downstairs! Dad’s going to tell us about the time he met Telly Savalas.”
“Who’s Telly Savalas?”
Year eleven we allowed ourself broad creative license and started adapting personal memories from popular books and movies.
“Did I ever tell you when I was a kid both my parents were killed by this evil wizard so bad that nobody would even speak his name?”
She’ll answer, “Don’t get me started on orphans. Did I tell you about how I was a precocious orphan girl sent to live with an elderly brother and sister on Prince Edward Island and I was always getting into trouble whenever people made fun of my red hair?”
“But you don’t have red hair. That story sounds a lot like Anne of Green Gables.”
“Yeah, I’m Anne of Green Gables. That book was written about my life.”
“But it was written one-hundred years ago.”
“And how did I go back one-hundred years? That’s an even better story. Did I ever tell you I had a friend who built a time machine out of a DeLorean?”
When my wife and I made summer plans and realized we wouldn’t see each other for six weeks, any melancholy at missing each other was vastly outweighed by the exciting prospect of gaining new stories to tell each other. My wife and I are big proponents of couples taking separate vacations, not because we need a break from each other, but because this will give us new stories that we didn’t experience together and might keep our conversations fresh for an entire year.
She's a Maineiac
August 18, 2011
Ooh, I would love to know what your parent’s answer was to Telly’s question. I have a feeling it was sardonic (had to look that word up) and witty. Thank goodness you and your wife will have a year’s worth of conversation ahead of you. Just think, once you’ve been married 30 plus years, you can enjoy eating a meal with absolutely no conversation and be totally fine with the crushing silence. My husband and I are almost at that point. We communicate telepathically.
The Good Greatsby
August 19, 2011
It seems if my parents had had a witty response to Telly, we all would have remembered it. All your life you dream of meeting Telly Savalas and when you finally do you blow it.
georgettesullins
August 18, 2011
What a wonderful conclusion “we need a break from each other, but because this will give us new stories that we didn’t experience together and might keep our conversations fresh for an entire year.” Dig a deep well and fill it up! Love it GG. Kudos to you and your wife. Both of you + OP + the Fonz will have lots to say/tell.
The Good Greatsby
August 19, 2011
Looking forward to all these new stories will help us make it through another terrible Shanghai winter.
misswhiplash
August 18, 2011
Well that is one way of keeping a marriage alive…. My stories and even my words fall upon deaf ears! So I give up….
The Good Greatsby
August 19, 2011
Sounds like it’s time for separate vacations; send him some place really interesting like Antartica.
k8edid
August 18, 2011
I’m with Maineiac. After 32 years together, I don’t even have to start the sentence…”Did I ever tell you about…” Chances are I’ve forgotten the story, anyway, and he’s forgotten who I am. When we fight, I mean argue, I mean become annoyed with one another, I mean remember that someone else is in the room we simply say….”What I said last time.”
The Good Greatsby
August 19, 2011
Sounds like a very efficient system of communication.
gerknoop
August 18, 2011
Have I ever told you about the time I met Olivia Newton John and she described her perfect dream guy to me? I’ll wait while you go get your popcorn.
The Good Greatsby
August 19, 2011
My popcorn is ready as well as my plane ticket; she’s in Australia, right?
gojulesgo
August 18, 2011
I’m packing my husband’s bags for him as we speak. I just saw a really cool episode of No Reservations (Anthony Bourdain) where they visited Chernobyl…
The Good Greatsby
August 19, 2011
Not many people can say they’ve been to Chernobyl. Your husband will be the envy of your neighborhood for the few weeks before he expires from the radiation poisoning.
trishdar
August 18, 2011
Note to Self, have exciting life so as to have exciting stories to tell spouse when married. AT this rate, I’d have told my spouse all the stories of my life in less than a year…..”…did i tell you that in college I used to study a lot?”
The Good Greatsby
August 19, 2011
Commit yourself to either leading an exciting life or becoming an outstanding liar.
Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson
August 18, 2011
That’s so funny because the other night I was just telling my husband about the time my plane crashed on an island. I was a young British student and I was stuck on the island with all my classmates: Piggy, Ralph, Simon, Jack and the littluns. Anyway, it was awful. At first we tried to keep some sense of decency, but pandemonium quickly set in.
My husband is not a reader.
It was my son who said, “Mom, I know it is your favorite book, but you were not in a plane crash. You are describing the plot from Lord of the Flies. Also, you are not a boy. And there were only boys on that plane.”
Buzzkill. 😉
The Good Greatsby
August 19, 2011
I would have appreciated your story and would have pretended to be fascinated.
jacquelincangro
August 18, 2011
I have an idea to keep your stories fresh. Try telling them in another language. You can tell your wife the Telly Savalas story in, say, German. It will be like she’s hearing it for the first time. Then she can answer in Italian. “Bravo, Paolo!” Think of how many times you can recycle your stories.
The Good Greatsby
August 19, 2011
My wife does like it when I speak German to her. She thinks it’s Goethe but it’s actually pop lyrics.
madtante
August 18, 2011
The problem with you two are you have decent memories. Sponsor2 asked me last night, “Did I tell you about my semi-pervious membrane theory of that which many call God?”
My reply was, “Yup. Sure have but I’ve completely forgotten how you meant it and how you came to this conclusion.”
Therein followed 20 minutes of rapt attention.
This is a true story. She’ll probably tell me in two months and it’ll be just as cool.
Lenore Diane
August 18, 2011
What a great perspective, GG. Something tells me the two of you have (will) return(ed) with great stories, considering you two had very different trips. Excellent!
P.S. Anne Shirley is the bestest of the best. Period.
thelifeofjamie
August 18, 2011
I find that distance is an excellent way to keep a relationship alive. My husband is a firefighter and gone anywhere from 1 day to two weeks at a time. If I had to see him every day, there is no way I would have married him!
Tori Nelson
August 18, 2011
Jamie’s comment? This is love 🙂
limr
August 18, 2011
My boyfriend and I were friends in high school, so I can pull out the stories that he has been trying to forget. He never gets popcorn to hear them, though.
pegoleg
August 18, 2011
Put 29 years of marriage together with a worsening memory and apathic listening skills…voila! New stories!
thesinglecell
August 18, 2011
When I spotted the photo of Telly Savalas in my subscription list, I got sort of unacceptably excited. (Even I didn’t know I was a fan.) With a headline like “Did I ever tell you about the time” right above said Kojak snapshot, I was like, “Ooh! Tell me! Tell me!” Maybe your repeated stories should come with photos or illustrations to dress them up a bit and make them more appealing.
granny1947
August 19, 2011
Seperate holidays…what an excellent idea.
Granny shuffles off to convince Mex!
HoaiPhai
August 19, 2011
I learned from my first long-term relationship and applied that knowledge to my present marriage. We agreed to lie to each other for the first twenty years. After two decades when our creativity is just starting to fade big time, we can switch over to telling real true stories, buying us another decade or so of interesting conversation.
Kim Pugliano
August 19, 2011
Ahhhh…Telly Savalas. You are so lucky.
spilledinkguy
August 19, 2011
I met a cardboard cut-out of Telly Savalas once.
He was pretty intense…
pretty much just stood there and starred at me.
Lorna's Voice
August 19, 2011
I trust you’ll share your new stories with us as well…
sgmarinova
August 19, 2011
weirdly beautiful post….
Brown Road Chronicles
August 19, 2011
That was a great story!
Modesty Press
August 19, 2011
How soon did it tke for William Shakespeare’s wife to get tired of his stories.
“Let me tell you about the time I was in Denmark and put on a play for the king…”
On the other hand, among all the theories about who Shakespeare really was, I’ve never read one that argued that Shakespeare was really “Mrs. Shakespeare.”
On the other hand, I did see a performance once of Taming of the Shrew where all the characters were played by men in drag. Perhaps Shakespeare’s acting career started out with Mrs. Shakespeare pretending to be a boy pretending to be a girl, and then things sort of got out of hand from there.
Jason
August 19, 2011
Another great idea is telling the same story but adding and removing parts as you please. That way it becomes a brand new story and you don’t have to feel bad about lying. Beeeeeh, who’s Telly Savalas??
flippingchannels
August 19, 2011
I love this strategy! It’s a big part of the reason my husband and I maintain friendships with other adult humans. We don’t necessarily like them, we just need other people to hang out with and generate stories about.
souldipper
August 19, 2011
Wow! Does that ever explain my parents. And they made it to 65 years of marriage!
Amiable Amiable
August 20, 2011
“My wife and I are big proponents of couples taking separate vacations, not because we need a break from each other, but because this will give us new stories that we didn’t experience together and might keep our conversations fresh for an entire year.”
Brilliant! Married 23 years, I’m booking a vacation for myself tomorrow and will use this as my reasoning with my husband.
Marryin'thelibrarian
August 21, 2011
Hi Honey. I am so serious: While on my way to the library I took directions from a blind man. At first you think, you’re crazy to take directions from a blind person, but then you realize those people really have to know where they’re going.
I’ve got loads of similar gems waiting for you. When are you coming home again?
Tannis
August 23, 2011
I’ve heard all of my husband’s junior high and highschool stories so many times I often start them with “Remember when you and (insert friend here)” although they happened years before we met.
pegoleg
August 23, 2011
My sister does that with her husband. She’s always telling stories about his grandparents and older ancestors – drives me crazy! I don’t think she knows a thing about OUR family tree.